I feel like a well placed jack in the box could end all of this 😒

Nobody: Me: DEJAAAAAAAAAA!!!! 😫

👇🏼

Whomever convinced men that women want a man with larger balls has never spoken to a woman about the most repulsive things on a man's body

That being said, this is finna be me all day today at work 🫠

Happy Mother’s Day 💐

The spider on my side view mirror disappeared behind it. There’s only one logical thing to do…

No one and I mean no one works harder than drag queens

rooting for the spider!

1. Crispy chicken 2. Fresh lettuce 3. Three cheeses 4. Ranch dressing 5. Wrapped up in a tasty flour tortilla

People keep saying, “It’s only an hour flight. We don’t need service.” Yeah you may not NEED IT, but they can offer it. Greedy bitches.

When I moved out lol.

Fuck Stephen A Smith.

Never understood being so scared you let that lil mf disappear into the depths of your house. KILL THAT BUG!

IT came while I was downstairs and wiped my whole computer

Advertise your account with a Simpsons image

Accidentally stepped in a puddle and now my sock is wet 🥴

Everyone, stop what you’re doing. There is a Black girl named Kameirah who is in Google’s top 5 “Doodle for Google” contest that can win a $55,000 scholarship. I just voted. VOTING CLOSES TOMORROW APRIL 29! doodles.google.com/d4g/

“I ain’t got no woot woots on my phone” was the best line of the show.

Very talented people can do really bad things. I want ya’ll to start sitting with that reality. When someone behaves poorly, you try to discredit their past so it makes it easier on your brain to hate them. I want you to know that you can hate them anyway baby. I do it all the time 🧘🏽‍♀️

I don’t ever wanna hear that backflipping blunt wrap compared to the King of Pop ever again!

Michael Jackson will return in Avengers: Doomsday

JOHN WILKES BOOTH DID IT IN A CAVE!!!! WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!!!!!

There were pups at work today 🙂

🙂‍↕️

I love Bridgerton but that made me cackle lmao

😂😂😂

I’ve said goodnight to the parental 3 times. We’re still on the phone lol.

it's almost like we tried to call your stupid ass to the carpet in the moment b/c we knew where this was headed, only to be brushed off as "sensitive" and "not understanding comedy" bigotry will make you a bedfellow as soon as you peel even just a corner of that sheet back.

My Bluesky engagement strategy

White people’s willingness to give other white people the benefit of the doubt despite any and all evidence that they shouldn’t will be the death of us all.

Why would Jada saying she was shocked that Will did something shocking mean she hates him?

Are they flying into Isla Nublar? Is this Jurassic Park?? 🦖 #TemptationIsland

From the makers of “millennials and their avocado toast are ruining the world” we now bring you:

Arsenic

That’s one good thing I can say about Kentucky (probably the only good thing really) You can walk into your local CVS and walk out with a bottle of whiskey lol.

Maryland need to start letting the grocery stores sell likka!!!

Oh noooooo, Roblox is down.

I want fingers in butts!

That theme song means it’s bedtime.

If you voted for this, your rhetoric influenced this outcome, or you sat on your ass because you thought you were taking some moral high ground. Fuck you.

Sharknado: Miami Vice needs to happen NOW.

The next President needs to be Revelations since they love the Bible so much. Prosecutions, anti trust regulations, Wealth and estate takes so high FDR sheds a tear in his grave. I want Sillicon Valley DESTROYED. I want these people to see the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse in their nightmares

Still not over Nini Coco having her girl done up like the caterpillar from a Bugs Life #DragRace