so you’re saying it’s ova

a friend pulled up just as i was walking home.

it's so cold in here i have goosebumps, while knowing full well the moment i step outside i shall burst into flames

'Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory’ was released on this day 55 years ago! (June 30, 1971) 🍫 Directed by Mel Stuart. Starring Gene Wilder, Peter Ostrum, Jack Albertson, Roy Kinnear, Denise Nickerson, Leonard Stone, Julie Dawn Cole, Paris Themmen, Dodo Denney, & more. #OTD #OnThisDay #WillyWonka

Happy Birthday, David Alan Grier 🤗🎂🥳🎊 😂😂😂

Oh shit. Forgot about National Filet-O-Fish Day! Haven't sent any cards out or anything.

A friend of mine is an undocumented immigrant and has been hiding at the Great American State Fair bc he knows no one is there.

where is @dieworkwear.bsky.social to excoriate this dreadful summer fit?

Where do you go from here, Kawhi?

Aaliyah's cover of Marvin's "Got To Give It Up" is left wanting.

where is @mewefree.bsky.social?

Lush! they think they'll make me feel bad, but i lavish in it

would ya look at that? 3 hours until i march my happy ass home to pounce pon mi big fren!

there was the guy who learned to play guitar to put my name in a song. and then there was the time a friend getting her restaurant management license let us do a double date in venue with a private chef.

i accidentally spspspsps'd at my boss

ah man. it was requested i pull a report that ultimately indicated some shoplifting. bummed me out when i realized it, man. i didn't wanna do no work today anyway, but now it's a principled stance.

i genuinely cannot bear the thought. if this is supposed to be embarrassing him, you failed. one must contain the capacity to feel shame in order to BE publicly shamed. and you staying with him to prove your love is bigger while carrying the weight of a regret he doesn't feel.

when someone i've known in passing has to speak to me for more than 2 straight minutes, they are inevitably surprised to find, "oh you're funny!" i admit it. i'm good at jokes.

it is 75° in my stupid little office and that is why i will be abstaining from all labor

the longer i do nothing today, the more i'll need to do next shift but... that's Thursday's problem.

five more hours until i am unclothed

outlets calling Bari Weiss "MAGA-curious" will never not make me laugh. fuck her to the ends of the earth

my office track offerings today: music.apple.com/us/album/bra... this is one of my favorite songs by him, and i make no apologies.

I've been trying to get people on board with these for months! They have mango and pineapple ones too. 🤌🏽✨

I don't want a download code, I want a physical game on a disk

I'm up making shawarma and Denzel fell asleep so maybe I eat this whole pan by myself

got every single thing to make shawarma tonight... except cucumber. damn me!!

The thunderstorm impacted the Renaissance Faire over the weekend. Everyone had to evacuate and shelter in a big ol’ fashioned barn. But all the performers, storytellers, and jesters picked up right where they left off. Stumbled upon this awesome band—Fortress Dwellers.

get the rest of em to do it!!!

the first thing I typed was so unkind even I felt bad. but go off, lil vector 😐

please let this be a real number. i expect he went, "i want a hundred times more fireworks. people are saying this!" and then fell asleep with an empty mayonnaise packet dangling from his mouth

Juilliard was never the same.

you know what time it is

will i be leaving early today? yeah probably man

the worst uncle in your whole family picked the lock on his bedroom door and is now roaming free

Responding to the thing and doing the thing are two separate actions, yes. But it the utmost height of rudeness to RVSP with no intention of attending. The youth gotta pick a side. Say no and stand on it, or suck it up and show your face.

godspeed, you

fiiiierce

for her wimbledon 2026 entrance, naomi osaka wore "evolving ceremony", a design by japanese creator hana yagi that reimagines the traditional kimono through upcycled vintage pieces, a classic shiromuku bridal gown, and a deconstructed wedding dress

the boomKACK has been killing me

I told Denzel he left the freezer open the other night, he said "damn that's crazy. Is the ice cream ok?" brother man, is the 'lectricity bill okay!? focus!!

This man makes me feel very wary (high milkshake duck potnetial) but he is often correct about how I feel going to work, or not going, as it happens.

I rarely ask for advice bc I never follow it.

feels like 5 or 6 hours have passed, so how'd i only get here 120 minutes ago?

double salute

Dinner ideas? Country style ribs is on sale, so that could be something.

Rob Base in 1988