“Keep 'em comin' Alice!”

Ting Shao Kuang - Sacred Village

photobomb by an Andy Pages look-alike #LetsGoDodgers

does your mayonnaise have a nickname? mine does, albeit a long one: Best Foods known as "Hellman's east of the Rockies"

showin up to the function like, "what up, i got a docile sheep"

consider the marmot who roams the prairie: does it watch the grass sway in the wind and contemplate whether that portends imminent doom? probably not

what's food for the floof (cat) is food for the flounder

[hatching out of a moon rock] the little pocket on pajamas is the place to tuck your dreams

my face using a chonky filter, ha ha ha

if a tree has a case of the Mondays in the forest and nobody's around to witness it, does it hurt any less?

when tasting a dish your Mom prepared, an inappropriate response is "whoa that's fibrous." more Mother's day tips are on deck

if I was a ghost, I'd be a helpful ghost. Like, if you're drunk or something, I'd use my ghost powers to hide your car keys, or if you leave the kettle on, I'll turn it off. Living in an empty house is boring, I'd want a living family in my home. I'm not scaring anybody.

Sans Pépins stars in the upcoming action thriller: Raisins Rouge. Only in theaters.

51 inches of #SausageSqualorSaturday cc @pixelthegnome.bsky.social

Much like the mighty water buffalo, I too am bad at analogies.

Poetic prose of the pics you can't post challenge.

the wounds of the mind. cut as deep as the wounds of any weapon. the weapons may be different. but the claret still flows.

after a lifetime of gloom the sun came out the sidewalk sprouted anew

with creative visualization you can imagine that oncoming avalanche as a mountain of perfectly fluffy rice. you're not likely to survive, but your last moments will be more pleasant

OpenAI: open arson investigation

just back home from a few day trip to the Pacific Northwest. blessed by some rare early spring sunshine, and a friend came to visit our hotel windowsill two of the days.

Bernhardt could not really remember why he had joined the monastery, but he tried his best to fit in (theme ‘abbey’)

When someone offers you a penny for your thoughts so you give them your two cents where does the other penny go? I guess what I'm saying is taxation is out of control.

getting my nutritional needs met before reaching the supermarket checkout, or as the French might say "a la shopping cart"

Upon a dead calm the unlucky sailor may yet glimpse the wreck of the C.V.S. Shopping Cart.

Nine Inch Nails at honda center.

desktop PC build finished! after languishing for years due primarily to lack of time. thanks to my longtime friend for donating some components.

due to current gas prices, i'm gonna need you to get out of my car and into my dreams.

Doctor: ok, so your echocardiogram results are in Me: is it... Doctor: yes, I'm afraid we found that the Groove has made it's way into your heart

I just moved into a Marie condo. I get home and all my shit is in the dumpster.

ode to a 7-11 hot dog rollers of gleaming, well-oiled steel keep you warm until i'm ready to peel a dollar or two off my fat stack for you: my beloved, post-apocalyptic snack

during a recent move i misplaced an important document. guess who found it today! let's just say, the universe provides. i treated myself to a cheeseburger, and whoo-boy was it delicious.

an inauguration, a swearing-in, if you will or won't; a veritable public service anointment.

#til Pillbugs (often called "roly-polies" or woodlice) are... ... detritivores, meaning they primarily eat decaying organic matter like rotting leaves, mulch, and damp wood. ... crustaceans, not insects, and they breathe through gill-like structures. They require high humidity to survive.

I need for the Liberty Mutual commercials to have a Fight Club-esque reveal that there never was a Limu Emu, Doug was hallucinating him the whole time.

I can’t believe they have an entire Clinic just for studying Mayo.

who up tryna undo they trauma bond to the algorithm?

recreational #hockey this could be the nicest #goal of my largely unremarkable time playing this sport.

Let’s turn this housing pigeon into a homing pigeon.

playing checkers when everyone else is playing chess

First day of band camp we were told to give our tubas a girl's name and kiss our mommies goodbye.

we, the cool internet people, reject the ideology of Mondayism and the unhinged heinousness festering therein

I see your two Whistle Pigs, and I raise you a Blanton's. Happy New Year.

i hereby declare "cuticle" to now be a more diminutive form of cutie which leaves a word-vacancy for the weirdly delicate skin around fingernails suggestion: anything that doesn't sound like "cute"

i'm a capybara standing in front of the internet not asking it a damn thing basking in the unabated adulation smiling through it all this is my life

this smug little asshole chewed through the christmas lights twice in the same place 😡

artists, quote with something smooth & silky

artists, quote with something jaunty