Some people look like they'd pay with counterfeit bills and still refuse to tip.

Cat ears, on the other hand…

Burnt Offerings (1976) Oliver Reed, Karen Black, betty Davis Anthony James as the Chauffeur 😎

Why has nobody written a song with so much profanity that when the radio station plays the bleeped out version the beeps spell out the profanity in Morse code?

They say cattails are useful in survival situations but I can't imagine what emergency would be improved by wearing a cat tail.

You believe corruption exists and your government does incredibly shady stuff? You must also believe the world is flat!

Ridiculous conspiracy theories are created to delegitimize plausible conspiracies through false equivalency. Happy Saturday!

it's ok, I can handle it😂

Sorry if I'm being too awesome again.

Remember when everyone was eating Tide Pods and we thought the world couldn't get any stupider?

I may not be 100% correct, but I'm 100% convinced I am correct, which is better.

Gonna call everyone Chief until I get punched in the face oh wow that didn’t take long at all.

We'll know society is healing when Apple trusts us with the revolver emoji again.

Working from home is okay but there's a certain sense of comradery that you can only get from 200 people all washing their coffee mugs with the same 10 year old disgusting break room sponge.

Listen to your heart. No seriously we can all hear it it shouldn't be doing that, you should see a cardiologist.

If you don't think shingles can make you miss work you've never used a chainsaw on a roof.

I always pause to appreciate an exceptional french fry.

I never seen a underwater taco bell

It's probably harder for them to find food if they're not in the water.

My favorite conspiracy theory is that they've recently bumped up the resolution of the moon.

When is Cinco de Mayo this year?

I met the new IT girl she's a scary clown.

I met the new IT girl she's a scary clown.

I've come up with this total scam where I do my best work and make sure my clients are happy and they keep hiring me.

I don't know who needs to hear this but you can put crispy fried onions on foods other than green bean casserole.

I hope they learn how to load our brains into a computer because being trapped for eternity inside a microchip without the ability to taste touch or smell and unable to die sounds neat.

I call BS on never-before-seen insects because I see about a million insects every day I just assumed naming them was somebody else's job.

Go get em

Wow I wouldn't have thought to try that I'm always so stuck in the habit of doing things the smart way.

I have found irrefutable evidence that supports my views and it only took decades of digging through mountains of peer reviewed studies to the contrary.

When I'm not posting dumb things online, I spend my spare time being dumb in all the other aspects of my life.

It's never unending.

Cuba threat? What are they gonna do, flatten all our sandwiches?

Actual silence is better than Simon & Garfunkels The Sound of Silence fight me.

Hamlet would be a cute name for a piglet or a prince of Denmark.

You inspire me to be a further away person.

my new hobby is making vintage analog watches. My first project is only one part, a stick you put in the ground in the sun.

I typed up something for work and told AI to "make it look like an idiot wrote it" and it just fixed my punctuation.

I... am not those Sharks.

gets arrested for Impersonating the Paw Patrol.

They should do a version of West Side Story that isn't a musical and is set in the 1500's.

You wouldn't like me when I'm happy.

Yeah I know a little. Not about your topic, just in general.

I drew a line in the sand which the ocean ignored.

It's important to be told no, sometimes to learn where the dangers are, and sometimes to learn when to say "F*** you" and do it anyway.

You can't learn anything new from people who only think the same things you already think.

An account that's been on here for over two years and has NEVER posted or responded to anyone left this reply under one of my posts and I don't know if I should feel flattered or insulted.

Don't let anyone define you. Especially not those yahoos running the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry.

You're the cat's moo (unusual and deeply disconcerting).