A credit score but for your taste in music.

There are more important things than what's going on in your life, like the particular things going on in my life.

hiding in this trunk from the hungry orcs nearby #ThickTrunkTuesday

It's peak laziness. If you can't look around the world you're in and find something, you're not even trying.

Let's concentric circle back so we never meet.

I have nothing in common with people who say, "Can't complain."

It's time to set aside our differences, take a step back, look into each other's eyes, and admit out loud that the thing that truly unites us is that humans suck.

Imagine if the lesson you took away from George Orwell's Animal Farm is "My gosh those pigs are right."

I think I could really get into being in absentia.

All history is the graveyard of history that's how history works.

Before you send that serious @ reply, I'm going to ask you to take one more look at my profile picture.

i like this next joke

One thing I will never understand is anything contrary to my political party's official position.

Imagine how much things would suck if the rules applied to me.

VR headsets sure make you look dumb.

Remember when the US fought wars in Central America for 35 years for a fruit company?

I hope nothing weird happens today.

I’m totally with you, I’m like Fuck cocaine Marry milk Kill bell peppers

David Bowie lived for an entire year on just cocaine, bell peppers and milk. I couldn't do that, bell peppers are super bland.

Just did a California stop which is where the government takes 15% of it and gives it to someone without a drivers license

I wish there was a saying for people who have been to three rodeos.

Never give up searching for answers, no matter how angrily the test proctor is screaming.

Bring back the Fourtrax 250R

What people miss about AI isn't that it's not as good as your best employees, it's that it's better than your worst employees.

Sometimes I wonder what I can do to make the world a better place but not very often.

When I look back at all the things I did last year, it's a fog. Like the time I drove to Panda Express yesterday in the fog.

id love to ride a jumping spider like a bull

I'm still writing 2025 on all my checks my body can't cash.

"I could do this in my sleep." -people with narcolepsy

We call them cat toys but how do we know cats aren't like, "Aw, man, I just laid down and the human's getting out the feathers on a string, I have to go to work."

I would never do the "Here comes the airplane" bit to feed my child. Embarrassing for us both. I would calmly explain the importance of adequate nutrition and they will yield to unimpeachable logic

Americans: "They're enjoying themselves, stop them!"

Honestly, this GLP-1 stuff is awesome. I no longer feel any need to correct people who are wrong on the Internet, a self-destructive pattern. You are all poorer now, despite protestations.

I don't think we should consider any planet an enemy planet except for Planet Fitness obviously.

a Snack Attack is now considered a war crime.

"This waiting room is taking forever." thought the Man With No Name.

I gotta tell ya, not getting into popular TV shows and consequently not really caring when they don't end the way everyone thinks they should is pretty great.

Not to be controversial but I think we should use tools and resources to make people's lives less miserable instead of more

So, how does it work, is Mariah Carey already back in hibernation?

Just saw a hour-long diagnostics video where the car dash turned into a christmas tree of errors no one could figure out... ultimately because a bit of water got past a seal on a brake sensor connector. I do not even drive over puddles.

We never lied to our kids about Santa Claus but we did tell them "this half doesn't have onions." when both halves had onions.

both troubled and can't be bothered.

@sentientbunnysuit.bsky.social bsky.app/profile/grog...

What if we used 100% of our turn signals?

The speed limit is just a number.

Should it bother me? yes. Should it surprise me? no.

Help future me? I don't even know that guy.

Santa Claus is coming to town and he needs you to pick him up at the airport, the reindeer have unionized.

You ever dislike someone so much you check their social media in the hopes of seeing another person telling them how much they suck?