I see the smelly orange sex criminal Said A Bad Thing, so everyone's talking about The Bad Thing He Said and not so much about the thing that his Justice Department are supposed to have done by now, except of course they haven't, because Things Just Keep Happening. It's a rum old state of affairs.

Seriously beginning to wonder if the insistence of English people on pronouncing Putin as "pew tin" is just because they don't want to have to say "poo tin".

Nobody: (silence) Absolutely not one single solitary person: "..." Gavin Newsom: BOY, those CEOs sure like SUCKING COCK, amirite, folks? Huh? Look, I made some KNEEPADS for when they're SUCKING COCK. Funny, huh?

"China has no wind farms"

Greg Bovino is out here in a green trench coat sieg heiling to his “troops” who are all out to hunt human beings by race and Corey Booker et al still doing close up videos of their concerned faces acting like the issue is body cams & “oversight” and too little training.

Negotiations went something like this: Fuck off with the Greenland bullshit or we start selling bonds.

TRUMP: honk honk honk, I'm a big goose. everyone tells me whenever I enter a room, that's the biggest goose I've ever seen and I say yes. I'm a big goose. in a good way. a lot of Somalians are small stupid gooses but I'm a big goose BBC NEWS: a disciplined Trump sticks to the script on the economy

Trump repeatedly said "Iceland" when he meant Greenland in his Davos rant. But his press secretary is just blatantly lying about it.

This sort of shit makes it sound like he spoke in coherent sentences with focus, instead of the bullshit blunderbuss his mind farted out

I grew up hearing stories from my father about how folks abducted by Franco’s secret police would routinely “escape” to the roof of police HQ and “commit suicide.” The obviousness of the lie was itself an intimidation tactic.

I mean the UK has elected some prime cuts of chump but fuck me with a ratchet Donnie has shat the fucking bed.

"Hey, Mike! Cluelessassholesayswhat!" "Uh, I don't...believe that is, uh, in my purview at this time."

Once again, I am confronted by the ancient work of utter cowboys in our bathroom. Did they hire John Wayne FFS

Mafia goon: Nice house you got here...it'd be a shame if something happened to it Media outlets: Mafia goon rules out use of force. Expresses regret at the mere thought of it

I feel bad for all of us who have to be good at our jobs when the answer is to be sufficiently white, rich and powerful and then you can just drool on yourself and the press will be like “audiences intrigued by his unusual communication style”

BREAKING: Emperor Palpatine and Davros both accept invites to join 'Board of Peace'.

This 'military force' that he 'doesn't want to use' - if this means actual boots on the ground, then whoever's been advising him has not done their homework. Or maybe they have, and they're just not telling him and hoping that he won't go through with it.

Greenland is the one with the ice. Iceland is the one with the lava. A five-year-old could grasp this. Sadly, not only is the US President five years old, he's also stunningly stupid.

no other president would be brave enough to threaten the swiss with battleships

Rewatching Gremlins 2 (1990). I had somehow completely forgotten that the whole film was an attack on notorious real estate developer Donald Trump. I wonder what happened to him?

In the 2010s, the Icelandic tv station Channel 2 accidentally added subtitles from a gritty crime drama to an episode of Teletubbies. I have translated some of the highlights

Article in the Radio Times claiming they're definitely, definitely, honestly bro for real this time, going to do a Blake's 7 'reboot'. Sorry, been burned too many times now.

"Donald Trump returned to the White House promising a new direction" is not something you should say on the news. #NudeErection

Yer auld mad granda talking about cutting prices by 600% again

Remember when Theresa May became Prime Minister and we all despaired how bad it was. Good times.

not loving this "biff kept the almanac" timeline

what the fuck is going on? what is this rambling, mumbling, addled pish? #trump

What happened to the 'big' Labour figure who was supposed to defect to Reform today? Did they cancel the press conference after everyone worked out it was the former DUP MP for Vauxhall Kate Hoey and no one gave a fuck?

Hideous and cringeworthy shortbread-tin pish. If that's meant to be the Wallace Monument in the background, you've got the wrong city there, lads.

Trump told Norway today that because they didn’t give him the Nobel Prize, he’s going to steal Greenland from Denmark. This should an EMERGENCY 72 HOUR PSYCH HOLD AND REMOVAL FROM OFFICE.

Been listening to loads of Isley Brothers recently. Can't find my damn vinyl copy of '3 + 3' anywhere, it's nipping my heid. This one has become a recent favourite though www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJ_s...

People are all "why does Mamdani have such energy" and it's one cute trick we call "not being in your late 70s on a series of anti-dimentia drugs while a coterie of assistants and staff members, some of whom are second generation, are trying to turn your it-won-once strategies into a response"?

We no longer feel an obligation to think purely of peace

When the leader of a country says things like "if you're not going to give me a peace prize, I guess don't have to focus on peace anymore", YOU. REMOVE. THEM. IMMEDIATELY. by whatever means available. Stop fannying about, for fuck's sake.

You'll release the what, son? The salmon files? Whit the fuck are they when they're at home

It's Blue Monday, lads. You know what that means

it's honestly incredible how kier "chocolate teapot" starmer called a press conference about what could genuinely be the fuckin precis for world war 3 and used it to talk shit about zack polanski and ed davey

The mistake Starmer makes when dealing with Trump's designs on Greenland is to respond as though it's rational. It's not. It's not about security, it's not even about minerals. It's emotional & ego driven. Trump wants to go down in history as the president who enlarged the USA.

It is a giant illegal plagiarism machine monetizing all of our intellectual property, & like every tech/finance grift before it, the business model is built on breaking the law & malfeasance. And the rush of university leaders & administrators to embed it in every aspect of our work is shameful.

TRUMP: Trump Nobel Peace Prize. Practical Trump world award NORWEGIAN PM: No, Trump. We can't give you a Nobel Peace Prize. TRUMP: Good prize good Trump give terrific Trump deserve president NORWEGIAN PM: Trump, we simply can’t award you a Nobel Peace Prize. We have no role in it. TRUMP: jealousy PM

[Note to self. 'Yarling': vocal style that sounds like a man singing on the toilet after eating too much All-Bran.]

BREAKING: Putin accepts invitation to join 'Board of Peace' because he is by nature thoroughly bored of peace.

tell you what, he's played a blinder, that Keir Starmer

Is that Trump memo to Jonas Gahr Støre a fake, or has he actually lost it to the degree that he might as well be running through the streets in his underpants?

me when you get your acoustic guitar out at a party I was up to that point enjoying

Another Tory rat leaving the sinking ship. He's had enough of thei "lies and hypocrisy" and has decided to join (checks notes) Reform UK. 🤔