I bought my little niece this Paddington Bear toy which talks when you squeeze it, but now my sister's dog has got hold of it and is savaging it ruthlessly while it says things like 'I wonder what adventures I shall have today!' and 'I'm your friend!'

The next Eurovision entry for the UK will be called "Oi Oi" and it will be a guy just shouting "Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!" over a pounding beat for three minutes over one chord while banging on a bin.

New Glasgow education boss gets rid of the Sumdog app. This would be the Sumdog app that both my kids used in primary school. Both kids now doing very well in maths at high school. Must just be a coincidence.

Have we ever had a future prime minister explicitly mugging off Andrew Neil this badly?

If this shit is somehow still in force in 5 years, I think I'll just have to delete my accounts. I'll be damned if I'm going to let these pricks ruin my wedding anniversary plans for a second time.

The Guardian's 100 Best Arcane Texts That Pull Back The Veil And Leave Your Puny Mind In Tatters At The Unknowable Horror Of An Uncaring Universe

Roisin Murphy Take Sinead's Name Out Of Your Damn Mouth Challenge

"We are a country built on decency, fairness and respect” is... certainly not my reading of the history of the United Kingdom. Perhaps I'm reading it wrong, who can say

jonny greenwood sowing: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! jonny greenwood reaping: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

it's time

I see the bunting’s gone up for the racist march in London tomorrow.

Going to start saying “a BBC employee who identifies as a journalist” from now on

Nigel Farage insisting "I cannot be bought," after being exposed for secretly trousering £5 million from a crypto billionaire, buying a house with the money, and then immediately launching a lobbying campaign for the crypto industry, is quite something

I can't help but wonder if right wing Labour MP and former director of Labour Together Josh Simons - he of send migrant boats to Scotland infamy - is giving up a seat which he expects Andy Burnham to lose.

The Streeting Resignation

See, if he'd had the brains to say "most FREQUENTLY attacked physically" I might agree with him somewhat. But he doesn't, cos he's a knobhead.

Not me constantly rewinding the stream by 10 seconds so I can make out what the Guided By Voices poster says on Nicky Sobotka's bedroom wall in The Wire

The SNP have decided that one of the final standing openly transphobic MSPs in their ranks is a great choice to run the affairs of the chamber. Absolutely grim choice, a dark opening to the new parliament and a poor reflection on the current SNP leadership. bsky.app/profile/ball...

Kenny Gibson as Presiding Officer? Are you taking the fucking piss mate

at least they're being up-front about it

NB. The 'Burke from Aliens but also a transphobe' comparison nails it. He is and has always been That Wee Shifty Ratfuck Guy In A Sci-Fi Or Horror Movie.

Streeting's allies are saying he has the numbers but hasn't opted to trigger a challenge because something something. Sounds like something someone who didn't have the numbers would say.

Trying to think of how best to describe Wes Streeting to uninitiated American friends, and right now the best I can come up with is, “What if Burke from Aliens was in fact capable of authentic passion and excitement, but only at the prospect of trans children being subjected to conversion therapy?”

Anyone not calling it a wesignation is a coward

Ya boy here has stayed up all night subtitling the King's Speech debate for extra cash. I now feel like I need to scoop out my brain and send it off to the dry cleaners

Tell us how you really feel...😂👇

This would constitute one of the most brazen, most appalling acts of corruption in U.S. history. I know we’re numb to all of this but this is a seven-alarm fire. www.nytimes.com/2026/05/12/b...

the new song is here & on all the streamings btw! www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjWf...

To whom did Dawn Foster (RIP) famously refer as "a right-wing lickspittle cunt"?

It's nice, isn't it? The quiet.

Aye that's yer granda away for his flappy-doon

Starmer's night of the long knives underway, then.

Russell Brand was sued by Pan Mac for failing to deliver two self help books for which he was paid over £200k and it appears they were going to be ghostwritten, which I have to say surprises me, I assumed he wrote his own unreadable bollocks

ever had one of those dreams where you're fighting someone but for some reason you can't punch properly cos your arms are like boiled spaghetti

Dananananananaykroyd

Happy Mothers' Day

CHERRY: I'll tell you who's a lesbian... REPORTER, EARS PRICKING UP: Oh, really?? Who is it? CHERRY: No, I mean I will tell you who is a lesbian and who is not. I am the Lesbian Decider.

Getting increasingly confident in my theory that the Super Furries have become the new Knights of Camelot - dormant for a long period, then called into action in times of great need

Every photo of this man makes him look like that photo of Cilla Black when she stole that guy’s table in a restaurant and refused to move

a) Ed Miliband b) it would be funny

They put one of yours in the hospital, you put out a statement about how disappointed you are. That’s the centrist way.

Suggestion: if you find yourself on TV having to interact with Piers Morgan, casually but consistently address him as "Penis".

If “The Beatles” are so good, how come their music has to be remastered every few years? I guess doing things right the first time doesn’t matter any more!