Happy Birthday to @hifisean.bsky.social . There literally would have been no BMX Bandits without Sean, without his support, encouragement, collaboration and friendship at the start. Here’s one of my top tracks of the last decade to celebrate. ❤️ youtu.be/GlVgpu7DNew?...

formal proposal of a replacement for the vince mcmahon meme format

Played a "Hits" or possibly "Now That's What I Call Music" compilation tape I the car. It got to "Is This Love?" by Whitesnake and my my mum said, "Sounds more like indigestion to me."

'Saxon Musk' is what I call the smell in your uncle's podcasting basement

people often ask how I write such good haiku: practice, practice, prac

GRAAMS! GISS WHOO JEST UNIRONICALLY ORDERED A CHEESEBEGGAH AT THEE SUSHI RESTAURANT

My alabaster milk child Teuton keeps asking for ranch dressing at the caviar factory, it is most epic. The fishmongers despise him.

Trump is "more in line with the Bible than the Democrats... Look in your Bible," says random cult member. So I had a look, and right enough, I think he does pop up in the Book of Revelations.

We did this with tariffs. Now we’re doing this with war. And some insiders are making a fortune off the chaos.

www.bbc.com/news/live/ce... congrats to kier starmer for walking around the rake for weeks, pointing at it and saying "that's a rake, i better not step on it", then taking a full runup double axle twist jump right onto it with both feet. you absolute fucking buffoon

Saw your boyfriend in Hobbycraft

Jenni Murray is dead

How the fuck do you have a reporter free news room?

Grand, well that’s the end of Orange Parades then

"In the past hour we've heard Irans foreign minister has told the UK that providing military bases for the US will be considered participation in aggression" Of course it is. Despite what our govt & complicit media are telling us, we've been dragged into this war.

Roisin Murphy's right in one sense. I do want my kids to get an education, I do pay my taxes and I do have a say. Quite happy to have my kids educated by a transgender person though, cos I'm not a bigot with brain worms.

That's Blake Carrington from Dynasty, surely

When the Japanese live translation goes silent because the translators are too stunned to repeat your Pearl Harbor “joke” to the Japanese PM, you’ve officially reached a new level of diplomatic failure. Those seconds of silence were the most honest reaction of the day.

Trump Repeats False Claim That Iranians Produce Oil From Bodies Like Bees

well, shit a brick

"Tartan burka"? Just how embarrassing can these fuds get

How's Operation Deadly Doofus going, then

C*ntry House by Blur

John gets it just fine, because the IDF has been doing this for decades. They destroyed the Associated Press building in Gaza live on TV in 2021 then told the world’s journos “Absolutely fuck you, that building was crawling with Hamas”, and the world went “Okay, then”.

I'm so online-poisoned that I see "CBD" and immediately think "Ah yes, cock and ball dorture"

🚨WOW: 365×250=91,250 people per year, assuming the generous British state never stops awarding people on Sundays and holidays either. There are ~45mln adults in the UK so about 0.2% of the population gets these disability awards per year. That seems negligible, thanks for copying a press release!

So it is Alex. Nailed it. Now fuck off

He talks to Nixon when he's sitting on the toilet www.comicsands.com/trump-iran-f...

Still reckon you're going to be First Minister, do you, son?

He was certainly afraid of Vietnam-style combat in Vietnam.

losing my shit. all support to Afroman during this critical time

Had a new denture put in today that actually fits, so I've been wandering around like David Tennant - "Ooh, new teeth. That's weird."

An album so good that I own 3 different releases of it over 2 formats.

Made onion bhajis last night for the wee yin's packed lunch. If I say so myself, they're absolutely bangin'. And fortunately, the wee yin agrees.

Labour donors threatened the previous leader into resignation (on a meeting with Angela Rayner present) purely so they could get this guy in. An entitled, monied buffoon, just like them

Anas Sarwar makes crass remark about photo which made him "look like a stroke victim". Wonder if he's aware that a high percentage of the photos taken of him make him look like he should be sitting in the corner wearing one of those wee hats with the propeller on top.

happy saint patrick's day everyone

ME: oh a little Zohran video for St Patrick's Day, probably just celebrating Irish culture, maybe a few green beer jokes ZOHRAN (2 minutes in): ...and that's why King Leopold I of Belgium is a big wet bitch. Furthermore...

*Sade voice*

happy the day which has never been and must never be officially celebrated in glasgow despite its significant diasporic irish heritage

Trans people were here long before you appeared on this planet and they'll be here a long time after you've died, which may the universe grant happens soon, you pox-ridden rapist nonce.

[Pete Hegseth emerges from bathroom] "Ma'am, this facility has become hygiene ineffective. Would suggest you pause further deployment." "Pete, why are you talking like that?" "The facility has been heavily compromised." "You've blocked the toilet again, haven't you? You and your FUCKING steak diet."

Very carefully

I'll pay double the licence fee if he presents one week's episodes in character as Brian Clough.

How's Operation Schlong of Destruction going then

In a bit of trivia that just popped into my head because I'm supposed to be doing something else, Douglas Adams created the name "Slartibartfast" to be as rude-sounding as possible but still broadcastable, after crafting it for acceptability from the name "Phartiphukborlz".

"I had that Spanish actor in my bar last night, the one from No Country For Old Men." "Javier Bardem?" "No, not at all, he was actually really sound."