Gen Z Boy: She isn’t Beyoncé, but she is the one just like Beyoncé. Madonna. He was talking about Madonna.

I’ve worked at a community center for almost two years and the most surprising part so far is how often people actually shit in the pool.

Oh Daft Punk, a ten minute song called “Too Long”? I agree completely.

The airports are FULL. I have mad respect for all of these TSA people and Air Traffic Controllers working without pay

Nice of the NFL to have a game on Berlin time when I am stuck in an airport bar before 1 on a Sunday

the sandwich guy walking away from the court house and suddenly, his limp disappears

Just saw three pale horsemen. One was shouting into their phone and one was checking their watch. I'm sure it's fine.

If you dislike your own post, you die irl.

Orca fine dining trend alert

I just left work at 5:50 and it was completely dark outside. This is an outrage

About to find out how many gummi bears I can eat before I feel sick at increments of four at a time.

Feeling proud to be a Virginian.

When The Beatles are on my Release Radar I just can’t take the rest of the list seriously. How does a person find actual new music these days?

Went to a party at my old neighbor’s house and found out that everyone on the street still calls the lady who bought my house 7 years ago “The New Sarah” even though her name is Katie and it makes me feel so loved. 🥰

This is how I’m gonna look every time someone dislikes one of my posts

Saturday!

Finish your food, there’s hungry kids in America.

So. Much. Candy. Left.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Cousin Larry comes to me

A jury of my peers? Where are you going to find 12 other people who unironically enjoy Leatherwolf? Okay. I’m done now.

A jury of my peers? 12 people who have also gotten kind of weird about the 90 day fiancé universe?

A jury of my peers? 12 people who are also fucking done with all of this shit?

Imagine having a mediocre temperature named after you. Luke:…

Dude on the people mover at Dulles just answered his phone and said “it’s okay, I’ll speak in code” and now we’re ALL listening.

Trying to live a life just unsettling enough to warrant a second autopsy.

Was just one of the first 11 people Steve Perry followed on BlueSky. Seems legit.

If you live in Virginia don’t forget you can vote early in person for Governor. #vote

Are other people being followed by Bible verse bots or am I just *looks behind me* being paranoid?

Did one of you leave a Carseat Headrest hoodie in my car?

Nothing quite like listening to Meatloaf in the dentist’s waiting room at 7:00am

Why does everyone keep calling it “The Epstein Ballroom?” Please stop repeating “The Epstein Ballroom” because it is not called “The Epstein Ballroom!” Don’t tell the news that it’s called “The Epstein Ballroom” and please don’t repost this!!!!!

Just got both of my nephew’s phone numbers so I could send them poop emojis. It has become a sort of poop picture/gif war. They are winning.

in a way, hasn't this entire country turned out to have a metaphorical secret nazi tattoo that a lot of us weren't really aware of?

I think I am the only person I know who doesn’t like the song “Landslide”. I don’t even know why. I love Fleetwood Mac. I just don’t like this song. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Please send sedatives

I feel like knocking down large chunks of the white h0use is too on the nose of a metaphor. Like I'm living in a bad political cartoon.

I still have yet to hear a detail about the Louvre heist that isn’t consistent with it being part of a Muppets movie

It is that time of year when you wake up every morning and can’t decide if you are sick or it is just really cold in your house.

I never thought I would hear “Cold Gin” on NPR. R.I.P. Ace

you fucked around and now the Episcopalians are doing memes. are you happy now. are you

Just changed into a different pair of jeans because I couldn’t deal with the ones that needed to be cuffed this morning. This could be a long day

STOP TRYING TO SMELL HER BUTT ALL THE TIME, SHE DOES NOT CARE FOR IT And other strange things you have to say when you add a girl cat to the mix

In your opinion, what is the best album released in the last 25 years?

I can’t wait to meet you all in “Shit. I shouldn’t have said that on the internet” prison

Seconds before everything went south

dressing for the job i want

“911, what is your emergency?” Hi, it’s me I’m stuck in my sports bra again.

Just realized that both of my best friends from high school are T*ump followers and I am genuinely sad.