So, for the 3am witching hour thing...do the demons follow Daylight Savings Time rules? Like are they coming out at 2am tonight, or do they adjust for the human perception of time to keep things spooky and consistent?

Somehow we survived. For better or worse, that's all we can do. Survive, and maybe one day, forget how much it can hurt to be human.

We are the sons of the dragulas you couldn't slam in the back of

China: We can repair a broken bone in minutes now. USA: We will hunt our citizens down in the streets!

Reminder: they did NOT pay the reward for Luigi.

Hello Bluesky! I suddenly have an extra ticket to see RILO KILEY that I'm looking to sell for Summerstage this Monday the 8th at 7pm. Anyone interested?

"Am I right or am I right about the Grand Canyon being GOATed?" - Gen Z tourist

This is genuinely the news every day

rideshare companies need a “no tesla” option

With only 14% of votes remaining, Cuomo would need to win nearly 3 out of every 4 remaining votes to take the lead. Zohran wins!

I actually did vote for everything to get more expensive, dangerous, and stupid, and I feel extremely represented right now

Incredible how Cuomo is absolutely DWARFING everyone else in money and spend and yet it’s still close enough that they’re pulling these stops out. They’re scared.

Sitting US Senator Alex Padilla forcibly wrestled to the ground and arrested by the FBI for attempting to ask a question of DHS secretary Kristin Noem.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-ne...

There's a rumor going around on twitter that David Duchovny just got married again and I AM NOT OKAY

Brooklyn bus stop ads being replaced with guerilla public service announcements.

PhD Timeline xkcd.com/3081

Historians: Quibbling Over Exact Definition Of Concentration Camp Sign Of Healthy Society

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A “TRADE DEFICIT”—IT’S JUST CALLED “BUYING THINGS.” YOU DO NOT HAVE A TRADE DEFICIT WITH YOUR DENTIST JUST BECAUSE HE NEVER BUYS ANYTHING FROM YOU.

I almost forgot to post this, and it's the perfect day for it.

Every once in a while I think about Matt Groening's 1996 "wisdom of the ages" cartoon that summed up the Dem approach

🚨 Everyone needs to call their Dem Senator right now. They are starting to cave. Tell them: 1. Vote NO on Cloture AND 2. Vote NO on the Republican spending bill. Don’t let them pivot to reconciliation. GOP doesn’t need Dem votes on that and they know it. TODAY is the showdown. 🤳🏽: (202) 224-3121

It's the entire email list for all DOGE employees. Have fun!

It feels like we’re losing WW2, the Civil War and the Revolutionary War all at the same time.

To make it as easy as possible...

Seen in Brooklyn this AM: an egged cybertruck with a bag of dogshit and also unbagged dogshit

Feel like 95% of politicians are eric adams but they're just better at getting away with being an eric adams than eric adams

Waking up every day in this hellscape like

Me: Oh no that trolley is going to run us over! Guy tied up on the track next to me who somehow thinks he's actually the guy holding the lever: Lol cry more 😂

I wonder what brain rotting cruelty this shiny new week will make us endure.

Can a headline alone be eligible for a Pulitzer?

the united states government has banned tik tok but they haven't banned the tick tock that marks every second your wretched body hurls itself forward through time towards eventual and inescapable oblivion. makes you think

Sometimes I forget that most people find graduate degrees impressive and not something you get when you don’t want to get a job quite yet.

just got a visit from the cops because some karen complained that i’ve been yelling “you there boy what day is this” at kids in the street for the past three hours 🙄

We're the Jokers of the daughters you couldn't burn

pretty grim when health insurance company executives have to try to hide their identities online like they're public school history teachers, government employees or doctors who care for transgender people

If one dehumanizes thousands upon thousands of people every year condemning them to death, suffering, and bankruptcy to increase profit margins for the elite it comes as no surprise that people will dismiss the humanity of an individual responsible for doing so.

Just had to block my first MAGA account on here. Truly BlueSky has finally made it

Bluesky now has over 10 million users, and I was #230,319!

We can't help but hit the mic when the beat is [all together] NASTY Insurance should cover your vagino- [all together]PLASTY

If I were an insanely wealthy and famous rap musician, I simply would not pick fights with other rap musicians because I would be too busy playing on my trampoline.

Sarahpantz™: now available in a new and improved copper-free formula