Michael: We have a private eye, huh? Lucille: Oh, I hired him a hundred years ago to find out if your father was cheating on me. He never did find anything. Michael: Well, he can't be very good then.

What is she doing at a beauty pageant? Is she running the lights or something?

Lucille: Well, apparently, mood-altering medication leads to street drugs. That's what this very handsome, young doctor said on The Today Show. Michael: That was Tom Cruise, the actor. Lucille: They said he was some kind of scientist...

Europeans when being asked to unblock the strait of Hormuz

How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap?

Congratulations to San Francisco for inventing the long-prophesied banana that costs ten dollars sfstandard.com/2026/03/11/g...

STEVE HOLT!

It looks like you've been looking for dragons... in the future.

Wake up babe Arrested Development is relevant again

Lucille: Modest and generous? Then why is he always waving giant $10 million checks over his head every time some...? Michael: Go ahead, Mom, finish the thought. Every time some children's hospital needs funding?

IT'S A WONDERFUL RESTAURANT! apnews.com/article/burg...

This Arrested Development quote goes through my head pretty much anytime Silicon Valley financial news comes across my feed.

These are lawyers. That's Latin for liar.

We forget but we never forgive.

GOB: Heart attack never stopped old Big Bear. Buster: I didn't even know we were calling him Big Bear. GOB: We never had a chance to.

jeans = 👖 genes = 🧬 Gene =

Apparently, mood-altering medication leads to street drugs. That's what this very handsome, young doctor said on The Today Show.

I may have committed some light treason.

A lady of the evening. Working girl. She turns illusions for money.

Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of interoffice [bleep]ing or [bleep]ing or finger [bleep] or [bleep]sting or [bleep]ing or even [bleep]. Even though so many people in this office are begging for it.

Michael: I think I see what's happening. You're meeting girl Michael at the bar? Tobias: It was her idea. She wanted to get a drink. I know it's crazy. I mean, I'm married. And the carbs!

If you didn't have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn't mind giving you a little sugar.

Michael: Are you serious? Wayne Jarvis: Almost always. I was once called the worst audience participant Cirque du Soleil ever had. Michael: This is a big accusation. Wayne: Well, Michael, I did not find their buffoonery amusing.

STEVE HOLT!

How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap?

I deceived you, mom. "Tricked" makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

¡Soy loco por los Cornballs!

You just made a fool out of yourself in front of T-Bone.

I buy all my cars at police auction

Lindsay: You haven’t had a serious relationship since your wife, and you guys weren't even speaking towards the end. Michael: A lot of that was the coma.

You know, say what you will about America... thirteen bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice.

Best video I’ve seen this year youtu.be/wlZE5JaD4kU?... #ChickensDontClap

Great. So now we don't have a car or a jet? Why don't we just take an ad out in I'm Poor Magazine?

Happy New Year

What's this, a stuffy office meeting? Well. Maybe it's time for a little... office magic?

Ah, there's the woman I'm sexually attracted to!

Oscar: Well, sure, the question is, which way do I try to get it in her? Michael: I don't need any details. Oscar: Maybe I'll put it in her brownie. Michael: Hey!

Michael: GOB, you've found a woman who believes in you. You should make a commitment to her because life is short. Listen to me. I would give anything to be able to have that again, you know? A family. Nothing else matters. Lucille: Michael? Michael: It's Mom. Hide.

just hear me out