New plan: we get Chauncey fired, he sues Dundon for 100 billion dollars, but also we've secretly made friends with Chauncey and then we buy the team. Does anyone know anyone in the mob?

Happy Pride to this Caravaggio self-portrait that made one man so gay he had to go to the hospital

I'm sure glad fireworks don't bother my dog, but my cat is currently having a Nam flashback

Whichever deity you may believe in… They don’t like him either.

About to get thrown out of here for obvious reasons

Feline aids is the #1 killer of domestic house cats (mrow mroooowwww)

I swear to lord Satan if the Blazers trade 2/3 of my sweaters for some Jaylen/Jaylin/Jalen I will burn the entire city if Portland to the goddamn ground.

DAAAAMMMNNNNNN, ME

Happy father's day to all who celebrate. Here's a pic of me sitting on dad's '78 Silverado. He sold it in 1997 to buy my first car.

Robbing banks with Keanu

what to announce when you first enter the Acela quiet car

Just yelled at two assholes on bikes. Man, I love yelling at assholes on bikes.

If you turn it on the Unsolved Mysteries Pluto TV channel, right this second you'll learn about my hometown

I wish I could tell you how much joy this lil robot brings me

@emazingpnw3.bsky.social @sheriffofportland.bsky.social @opinionatedwino.bsky.social @octdesertlover.bsky.social

This is very sweet but you know these used to be treadle powered right?

I rode scooter Henderson on the freeway today, for one exit. Not my finest moment but gas is expensive.

Hung up my new @brandonbird.bsky.social print on my Wall of Jacks

Praise be that he meets the same end as ol' Vlad

"Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?" "Yeah, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries."

Imagine Trump ever being invited to join a photo like this — not in a million years. Four presidents. Zero drama. Just smiles, respect, and a shared love of country. 🇺🇸

If this were me, as a mother, I would have used this as a teachable moment for my daughters, mainly to teach them how fragile the male skull is

pausa de hidratación

Thank you, Zlatan, for your service (in shit talking Alexis Lalas) 🫡

Bony Soldier Diving On Top Of Grenade Only Makes It Deadlier

I shampooed the pets' couch and got 2 tanks of black filth but not a single cat hair came off. Someone should find an application for cat hair, it's undefeated.

I see that people really turn out for Fire games so I'm putting together an outfit

It's a "tumtums to the sky" kinda day here

Well, I guess at least be grateful that Bush is only photo bombing these days.

Happy Juneteenth, frens!

They come to America for five minutes and they figure out our men suck.

In case you were worried T was MAGA:

Friends, our album is finally out. Dark melodic punk songs about how we need to defeat fascism and overcome capitalism. You can stream it now and buy CD and cassettes of it through Bandcamp, or wait to stream it on Apple, Tidal, etc on Saturday 6/20. theburro.bandcamp.com/album/the-bu...

If I had a nickel for every time a bird was hit by a pitch, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.

This is exactly how I describe @sirnemo.bsky.social and me

Portland Fire's new mascot?

Hey @portlandfire.bsky.social do you want to start a 5050 raffle for charity? HMU

What, you don't match your shorts to your soda cup?

OH GODDAMN IT

I accidentally ordered an XL instead of a L so I did some surgery. Shortened the hem 4 3/8", added reverse pintucks to the shoulder for shaping, and added a 2" cuff to the sleeves. I didn't take before pics because most people know what a T-shirt looks like.

THE COURTROOM SKETCH ARTIST DREW THE MOMENT THEY REALIZED THEY FORGOT LUIGI

No clue what setting I fat-fingered my phone into when I took this

Don’t make campaign slogans like they used to

The face of a guy who got his first proper walkies in a few days

Cam and I had a code word, when he was gonna be offsides I'd yell "CACAW! CACAW!" and he'd hold back