Aside from the pears the snacks in a Harry & David gift basket are terrible. How do you fuck up Trail Mix?

what's a matter babe you hardly touched your clud sandwich

My wife captured this image of a gust of wind stirring the newly snow-dressed trees outside our NYC apartment just a few moments ago.

Merry Christmas!

We called my son "Gladys Kravitz" when he was a wee one, because anytime he heard any noise outside he'd run to the picture window to snoop. I expected his first complete sentence to be something like "Abner, Mr. Stevens just got of his car and he's only four feet tall!"

Well, happy anniversary to one of the finest of festive exchanges

I have to say I think it was a mistake putting Barry White in charge of CBS News. Great singer but he’s no journalist, and he’s been dead for 20 years

I shared this earlier just about Trump, but from the responses it's gotten, I'm beginning to think newspapers should run this piece every December, like the "Yes, Virginia..." letter, but for adults who dread going home for the holidays. (And they should pay royalties to @merrillmarkoe.bsky.social.)

Dogs that were groomed today in Sherman Oaks. Let’s hear it for Gramps!

"I am really fascinated by other culture's holiday traditions so shoutout to my boy the Yule Cat," one meme reads. "A monstrous cat who roams Iceland eating people who aren't wearing the clothes they got for Christmas."

I❤️NY

Something solid and bright shines through the stage fog of O'Neill's "Anna Christie" at St. Ann's Warehouse: Michelle Williams. She endows the title role of a lost woman among loutish men with sensitivity, complexity and a dawning proto-feminist conviction; she earns her rebirth.

It was relentless. We got soaked. Wind turned the rain into waves. And yet, it is still my privilege to walk sweet Ella, who needs me, and hates the rain. 🐶🩷☕️ #NYC

Watching the lovely DEAR HEART (1964) on TCM with this sublime cast of 60s character actors. Hey that’s Gladys Kravitz!

the second buss followed by the cop car and a fucking snow plow is truly some cartoon shit, Oscar worthy

if tumblr dies I need this video to make it's seasonal rotation here instead just in case, Happy holidays 🎄

I got a Presley baby in exchange for my old Jeep Cherokee

"It appeared on Toma’s shirt on a Monday so ordinary it was making his teeth hurt. The extra button was identical to all the others in everything except for one thing: it had no corresponding buttonhole. This fact bothered Toma the most." @amadolaila.bsky.social mrbullbull.com/newbull/flas...

If you want to celebrate the life of Rob Reiner tonight and you haven't seen it, the documentary about his best friend, ALBERT BROOKS: DEFENDING MY LIFE, is as much about Brooks as it is Reiner's love for his lifelong best friend. As fall down hilarious as it is sweet & touching. It's a must see.

Thank you to everyone who has picked up a copy of my first short story collection. Your interest is much appreciated, a rare bright spot in a grim year.

Rob Reiner, who gave so much joy to so many - who, in the words of Cary Elwes, had "a laugh you could hear in Detroit." Who was according to Mandy Patinkin an "actor's director... who made you feel like whatever you thought of was a wonderful idea." Generous, joyful, loving, creating. Always.

I got visited by three ghosts last night, who were all experts in English grammar.

Hurry, we have to walk in the snow before the world wakes up

I couldn’t resist buying another Christmas gift for myself and I got this autographed John Waters barf bag! I was sad when I saw John last month and he wasn’t signing stuff, so when I saw this online, I jumped at it. It will be displayed with my Odorama cards from “Polyester.”

in the movies this is the screensaver on the computers at the world’s most evil company

I worked for Frank Gehry. Because of him, I went to The Simpsons Halloween party, had a key to the Disney Concert Hall, met amazing artists. Frank was wonderful to me. When I left his office, he said you'll do big things, just try to stay out of politics. Sorry, Frank. Your memory is a blessing ❤️

QT: ok y’know who else I can’t stand? Host: Joseph Kony QT: MATTHEW LILLARD Host: dude QT: Know who I love? Host: oh no QT: Mister Roman Polanski

During football season, it's customary for mayors of rival cities to place wagers, whereby the loser has to govern the winner's city for the following year.

The joke’s on you, Jeopardy! I’m reading about Turkmenistan for fun

Thanks for ruining the sound bath, Denise

there should be a Dumb Jeopardy

My favorite part of the day was going into MIDTOWN COMICS and a couple of kids asked me what i was doing there and i said i was going to buy my sons first comic and they were like “so cool” and then i said “he’s right over there” and they absolutely flipped and got him to autograph his comic ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Linus grew up to be the leader of a cult

Great car chases in THE CHINA SYNDROME

Point Reyes Books is among my very favorite bookstores in the world. Every time I go, I find books I have never seen in another shop. It’s lovey and distinctive and suited to its clientele. Totally worth a trip if you are anywhere near.

I’m writing an obituary. Is butt plug one word or two

It’s the Medical Examiner, Charlie Brown

Adele: Hello Thank you for calling CVS pharmacy Adele: It’s me If you’d like to refill a prescription press Adele: I must’ve called a thousand times

Check out my friend Gigi's store and order some cool holiday gifts! It’s Musey!

I’m not going to let Waingro ruin another Thanksgiving

Earlier today, I was notified that someone was at my door. This is who it was:

Link for tonight's #DriveInMob presentation of Kill! (1968), starring Tatsuya Nakadai! vimeo.com/1115681985

Help, I am on the "Accordions Canada" website and I own a credit card.

I learned so much from this!

Stockholm Syndrome is actually very nice and I love it now

Begging airlines to discontinue this flight number until society can be collectively released from this hell

“Sorry I’m so irritable, Ben. It’s just … I ordered a *regular*-sized lamp, Ben, and they sent me this fuckin’ Etruscan monument…” 💡 (NEW YORK CONFIDENTIAL, 1955) #NoirLamps

Please don't reply to my posts with facts I am trying to be an idiot