Jilly Cooper and John Woodvine on the same day, that's shit.

*racking a shotgun as i grill my daughter’s date* do you have a podcast?

I've never seen Goonies. And it's not weird for my generation so much as my peer group, but I've only seen a handful of episodes of Blake's 7.

Look, I know this is shit, but I just got my Parkrun time, and I'm below 40 minutes for the first time ever (39:50). This is an achievement that I've been working towards all year, and I'm super chuffed!

Missing Doctor Who episode rumours remind me that last month I spent a whole conversation referring to ubiquitous 00s actor James Nesbitt as ubiquitous 60s actor Derren Nesbitt, and became genuinely, angrily incredulous that no one in the office had heard of him. This is middle age, isn't it?

In memoriam...

You have to hand it to Argos, not content with creating a series of ads with possibly unintentionally terrifying sentient toys, they've really doubled down with that new campaign where the dead-eyed automata have started squestering British shoppers in dimly-lit murder warehouses.

New book klaxon! This will be heading my Christmas wishlist.

I'm watching the new Cunk. I think we have enough of it now. It's at that late Ali G stage where the interviewees are visibly having more fun than we are.

It's not JUST Doctor Who fans that can also identify ormolu clocks, Ionic columns and astrakhan hats, but my Romanian father in law thought I was some sort of esoteric genius until the day he died.

I'm recording another of my Chantecoq translations, and decided for a laugh to do an "Ace Rimmer" voice for Captain Evrard. I'm now in the middle of editing one his more emotional scenes and I sound exactly like a shit AI voice. I've BECOME "it's just some guys in India".

Mel's in the other room killing herself laughing at a repeat of Beyond Our Ken from 1960. I do wonder why the "you can't do that comedy these days" people never seem to mean shit loads of dreadful puns, a few silly voices, and a light musical interlude halfway through.

I'm not sure what to make of this trailer. But I'm here for it. youtu.be/JQpojKTAvPY

Brentford fans are getting extremely excited over at the G-Tech Stadium as they're quarter of an hour or so from potentially beating Man United... I've had to stop recording my next audiobook and am editing chapters instead, the cheers for the saved penalty were so loud.

If you want to read chapter one of my next novel, The Heist Of Hollow London (published next week), you can do so HERE: civilianreader.com/2025/08/29/e...

Once you know this, it is impossible not to hear the line as "I'm addicted to you, but you know that your dog's sick".

Me on the way to the rapture.

And this is why I draw and play guitar. Because I love doing both, but I suck at them SO HARD.

If Labour had an ounce of sense, tomorrow they would announce that people with ILR will now be able to vote in UK elections. There you go. That's 175,000 people who aren't gonna vote Reform added to the franchise.

Over breakfast, we're watching the Richard Briers and Patricia Routledge ep of Tales of the Unexpected... Mel: It's like The Bear from them days!

I'd not seen Terror of the Zygons for many years, so I'd totally forgotten the Brentford reference. Anyway, my head canon is now that they built my flat on the ruins of the Zygon ship. Yay BFI!

Looking forward to a day with my people. I'm the one in the Beep in the Meep t-shirt, trying to decide whether to break a sober streak or not!

Christ. Jodie Whittaker, John Bishop and Steven Moffat have let themselves go.

The wall hanging I made 😁

A message to ABC in support of my dear friend @jimmykimmel.com

My grandmothers were different in many ways - for example, one would have howled with laughter at this post, and the other would just have given a quiet smile and sipped her tea decorously.

Masterchef, the pervy one: "Jane Austen herself could not write the drama unfolding in these tents." Mel and I, simultaneously: yeah, she could, though.

It's nice when your childhood hero turns out to be actually heroic.

Private Eye

Absolutely none of us know what we're doing. Become a writer

I had a wonderful evening hearing five great new plays dealing with contemporary social and political issues... and then which lunk had two thumbs and had also written a goofy SF dinner party comedy full of shocking puns and menky references?

One of the greats has passed. Robert Redford was a celebrated actor, director, and someone who held a mirror up to America. His work will live on, but we Ordinary People will feel The Sting of his loss for years. Rest among the stars now, and when you see heaven, may a River Run Through It.

Farewell then, Robert Redford. By tonight, film social media will be full of people with inner fedoras, fighting to champion your most obscure film. But I loved you in The Sting and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, because I'm a basic bitch. RIP

I have a readthrough for my play tomorrow evening! I also get to meet the creative team, AND hear everyone else's plays. It'll be an exciting two hour jaunt into the creative life I never quite tried hard enough to have.

Last Night of the Proms kind of hits different when they're still mopping up a fucking Nazi rally a few blocks away.

While all my buddies are tying themselves in knots about whether it's wrong to be openly delighted about that nazi prick buying the farm, my Dad has reportedly been cheerily whistling "if I can shoot rabbits then I can shoot fascists" all day.

The 2026 edition of Level Up, the gaming yearbook which I write, is published today! It's aimed at older primary school kids and younger teens. As well as coverage of all the biggest games, this edition includes a feature on the surprise return of Okami and the Top 10 Cat Games: amzn.to/4nq7wlO

I feel sorry for my US buddies over on Facebook, where the fash apologists are clogging up comments threads with pious bullshit stuffed with the terms "folks" and "y'all" without mercy.

There's a Tube strike in London, so I get the overground to Waterloo and walk to the office and it's no biggie. Meanwhile, everyone else is mobbing Lime bikes and many clearly haven't cycled since primary school. There's going to be serious casualties by the end of this week.

Great to hear Anna Haugh is going to host Masterchef. We always like seeing her on telly but we also always get the impression that telly's not quite sure what to do with her. She'll smash a show that was in huge need of a boost even before its hosts disgraced themselves.

Charlie Brooker was right about Banksy.

I feel like this is something of a portent for Mel and I... We've both been steadily reading and passing on books from our monstrous TBR pile ALL YEAR while doing our very best not to acquire more, and we're still short of the point where we can fit all the buggers on shelves / in cupboards.

A Squirrel in Bohemia - guilty link... www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B084LPR2RH

I'm very slow on the uptake but just realised that one of my nearest pubs must have been the inspiration for "The Four Horsemen" in Robert Rankin's Brentford books. It's... you know how there's always one pub nearby that you just never go to? It's that one. I ought to give it a punt, though.

The absolute child in me is raising a Spock eyebrow at this caption from BBC Food. No wonder those kids aren't getting any homework done.

you know how it is; you’re out of condoms and you think “oh, it’ll be fine, just this once”, and before you know it, the cartel is refusing to pay you for the heroin

Eventually you have to accept that no matter how many different notebooks you buy, they won’t make you a better writer. For that, you need to spend a lot of money on the right pen.

I do…I’m glad you enjoyed it. It was a little early for us.

Nadine Dorries joins Nigel Farage’s Reform UK.