Couple of lads on Four in A Bed going by the name of “Ussy” and “Bobsy”. WTF is this, Happy Days?

Fascinated by Marco Rubio’s hairline. It’s almost entirely without substance or form. It is liminal, unreachable: a madman’s lilo. A cow’s memory of war

Yes, that’s the joke

TWO RONNIES FEEDLINE KLAXON

The Lady Magazine folded last year. They still owe me £200, and I’m not the only person they owe quids to. I think the owner’s still doing very nicely, so that’s alright.

Feeling like a #Clarksshoes kinda day today 🤩 #Adidas in car just in case🤣

@okeating.bsky.social Thanks you Oonagh!

Here’s my head and wotnot on the very posh wedding site Hitched. If you need someone to help you with your speech, look no further! www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-spee...

Matt has lost most of his work to AI. If you want a great speech written by a human (not generic AI slop) have a look at his website www.mathew-owen.co.uk Please repost far and wide.

This time of year is just counting down to the cricket season, crossing off all the rubbish non-events such as the boat race and the Grand National.

AMAZING SALE EVERYONE!

So the air goes out of the comedy writing business in TV (for everyone apart from around 10 people) so you pick up scraps and have to adapt your skills. With me I built a solid wedding speech business with which I got by. In one year AI has pretty much destroyed it. It’s an absolute shitshow.

This time last year - 10 speeches in March. This year, 2 in March. AI can go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.

I’m here for George’s jacket

Clunes furiously knocking one out not the best.

Home from the boooooooze up

Nigel Farage definitely says “wacky-baccy”.

Number crunching: Compensation to (unconvicted) victims of the Post Office scandal v compensation paid to Peter Mandelson on being sacked as US ambassador. From the new Private Eye, out now.

In “Well That’s Completely Out Of Character” news.

SALE ON! WEEKEND ONLY!

The imperial phase of George Costanza living with his parents.

I’ve just read “Liam Gallagher enjoyed a boozy pub crawl”. A “boozy” pub crawl.

Visited Wythenshawe Hospital last week for a CT scan. The area around the hospital was littered with poxy flags. Painfully ironic that those who stoke the patriotic fires are the same people who want to dismantle the NHS and flog it to the highest bidder.

London tickets here

If you know anyone who’s dreading putting together their wedding speech - send them my way! www.mathew-owen.co.uk If you can re-post this I’d really appreciate it 👍

A bike with stabilisers.

Buy your own little CSNY fatheads from the Etsy outlet of @heykidsshop.bsky.social, make them take drugs and have fights etc.

If anyone wants to listen to me talking under over and about my new novel Drum you can do so here. Host Graham Chalmers thinks it's the best novel ever written about a comedian but as Samuel Beckett once said "I wouldn't go that far." podcasts.apple.com/be/podcast/e...

Field Marshall Montgomery Takes Peter Glaze To The Algarve

Looking forward to the next series of Race Across The World War in which Pete and his dad Donald attempt to vaporise the Middle East on a budget of just 137 billion dollars.

Not wanting to come over as baldist, but fuck off baldy.

Oh nice, it’s hailing here in the Manchester. Cricket season just around the corner.

Just heard Pam Bondi called “Scamela Anderson”. Excellent.

Trump Threatened Iran With State Visit

I’ve spent all day giving my website a good going over in the hope that I get a few more views/sales/commissions. Have a look and tell me what you think. www.gailmyerscough.co.uk

TRUMP MOONBASE HOOTERS

I saw a “tRuMp iS a riGhT nuTteR bUt at leAsT hEs a laRf uNliKe oUr pM”, in the wild over on FB.

The Brenda-in-Law has just asked me where the “Murder Channel” is on Freeview.

RFK Jnr’s voice sounds like he’s phoning work pretending he’s sick.

This thing about ALCS being “free money” is such utter balls. You’ve worked for it, and since things such as repeat fees are no more, and buy-out is king, it’s the very least writers deserve.

Fucking Moby.

I’m not a violent man, but I’d like to see Donald Trump batting on a cabbage patch of a pitch, minus pads, helmet, gloves and box, facing a full throttle Jeff Thompson, circa 1975, armed with a balsa wood knitting needle for a bat.

Moby likes The Kinks early stuff.

“Let’s secure my third term”

Not sure carpet bombing a country then stop carpet bombing that country a couple of weeks later puts you in the running for a Nobel Peace Prize, but there you go.

Does this mean Donald Trump gets another peace medal from the Football Guy?

Chorlton. The Bee-Gees used to live down the road, played their first gig here. Sir Matt Busby and George Best resided here, Phil Lynott’s Mum used to run a hotel/night spot five minutes from us and Quentin Crisp breathed his last here. Yet none of them got to visit sPoOnS, though. Makes you think.

Huge hat tip to the folk at ALCS. Just had a look at my statement and that small, but beautifully formed amount will go towards May’s rent.

Just been thinking about how funny and clever the “Making The Internet Harder To Use” sketch was on SNL UK.

Currently constructing the new Mar-a-Lego kit I received today in the post.