This is my fortieth picture of the year! Blimey.

I thought it would be sensible to fill my car up with petrol. In hindsight I should have just filled the fuel tank.

This pizza house is for very well spoken people

Dear @lucympowell.bsky.social, Why did you invent a fake tactical voting company to stop the Green Party beating Reform? I'm starting to think your letters haven't always been in good faith...

I thought I could get a train to Denton tomorrow… but (a) I would never be able to get home and (b) it’s cancelled.

Just wondering if an angel with massive buttocks would fall out of the sky or kind of float about head down.

Back once again with the readymade pasta.

One of the greatest bollard walks in history. #WorldBollardAssociation

The French for "Laters, Potatoes" is "Au Revoirs, Dauphinoise".

Someone's left the night on.

Is it still batch cooking if you eat it all?

That’s gotta hurt

Remembering the time Meatloaf spilt a full Vienetta down his front.

Kagoole, a flask, walk over the field and over a sty heading for the next village... sorry, I'm rambling a bit.

Claudia winkleman dealing with a traitor

I think a tiny Batman could still cause quite the ruckus. *a teeny tiny Batman*

[making that guitar solo face as I type out a really good post]

Old mobile phones can be dated by their rings.

Sound on

NASA say that the crew member who was ill and returned to earth is doing well and now having a meal with colleagues.

PRETEND you are a dog by moonwalking on the bath mat after having a shit.

Local snow for local people.

Sorry I bent your battle trumpet.

I reckon Mary Berry could hide in a suitcase if she chose.

This house doesn’t like the other houses across the road

We've been here a year. The oystercatchers are back in the field behind the house, I guess this is the new normal. I like this.

It is not a favourite knife, it is your cheese sword.

Name that tune.

Bought you a kazoovape for Christmas.

“I bring you fun” “I bring you sunshine” “I bring you love” The Three Morecambe and Wise Men.

Chicken liver partaaay

👁️ 👁️

2 in 3 of Nigel Farage’s current and former partners do not speak English as their first language.

I renamed my dog 'Goodboy' and now he doesn't know when I'm telling him off.

PRETEND you are a worm by sticking your head out of your chimney when it rains.

Experience 90% of Christmas by flicking the big light on and off whilst drunk until your partner shouts at you.

If you give blood 50 times they give you a trophy and access to the secret biscuits

hope they don't tax onions because I've got loads of 'em.

I have the image of James Brown shouting MEAT PIE ! stuck in my head.

Sheep in the carpark.

My dad once did a mime of a blind man washing an elephant (in front of 80 people).

I wouldn't like to be a bird. Flying along on a windy day and suddenly... *rain face*

I am at work.

I had a mate who looked a lot like Beryl Reid.