Could be us sharing a colostomy bag but you playin

As I am a mad dog and an Englishman I mowed my lawn after lunch. Don’t do it v often as it’s better for the rabbit and the insects if I don’t but it had been over a month and was getting a bit silly. Warm tho innit?!

Just picked my lunch from the garden like some feckin hippy.

It’s so hot already, the ingredients list on my suntan lotion bottle has decided to fly away to a cooler climate.

me and the boi who said he’s got air con

The correct way to eat a bowl of muesli (so you can’t see it)

Anyone wanna tea? I’ve got R3 on the wireless and the mood is as calm as a gently moving river being stroked by the pendulous branches of a weeping willow as it slides by.

Slept so well after a visit to the gym last night. Gonna do that again today I think.

But cold mashed potato on the tits is actually recommended as part of your 5-a-day.

On the 10th anniversary of the Brexit referendum, let us check in on how it's going...

Bit of Led Zep thru the PA is the most excited I’ve got about this game!

Youngest is doing mocks rn and all her class were woken about 3am by the storm so were knackered for English today. Youngest’s mate started writing, fell asleep and dreamt she’d written loads and then woke up with 5 mins to go only to discover she’d written nothing at all. Bless her.

I see England have gone from the previous game’s flash n spunky back to flat grind mode.

Those of us from the Wookie community should get 20% off suntan lotion. You have no idea how much a wooly tummy soaks up. Let’s get some rays!

Show-offs.. in the best way possible 👏⚽🤩 Football legends Thierry Henry and Zlatan Ibrahimović showing their soccer skills with a football in a television studio. They are working as broadcast commentators during this 2026 World Cup. #football #worldcup #greats

As it’s hotter in my pants than the palm house at Kew I’ve decided to do some oven based cookery! Just made a batch of GF pastry and this a fuckton of chard, blanched and chopped with a chopped shallot, fresh mint, dill, and parsley, a load of organic feta, and half a lemon squeezed in and some salt

I reckon Trump’s people have been having a tinker with the pond at Crystal Palace Bowl.

You got what yesterday? Guatemalan coffee beans with a bright acidity, a surprisingly full body and is super smooth with nutty notes? Yum.

Hello Sexy! Heal me now.

Note to self today: Don’t get given impromptu mind altering drugs by old mates when you’re the other side of London and have to get home at some point! Kinnel. I will never look at canal boats the same way again.

Got woken up at 3am by a clap of thunder, a massive electrical storm like someone is flicking the main light switch in the room, and torrential rain. It was ace. The street outside rn has had all the leaves and shit washed out into the middle of the road like a tropical fire track. Cray-zeee!

Greetings and good morning it’s the Tuesday farm rush hour as we get our animals cool and hydrated due to extreme weather

Lovable bellend

I’ve decided I want a vintage ride on petrol lawnmower. Specifically the Atco Royale B24 Professional. I shall ride it wearing corduroy shorts and a grin.

Who’s prime minister? Is it that Claire from Steps?

It’s suddenly got really cloudy and with a cool breeze in London. I mean I’m still in shorts with me tits out but it’s quite refreshing. I’m sucking this in before it goes apocalyptic the next 3 days. Colour: Slate Battleship Kissed by a Blueberry available as a sex emulsion from STARMAN PAINTS™️

“It’s DCI Starmer. I’ve tracked them down to the scrap yard by the arches. I’m going in.”

I’m buggered Monday. It’s buggered Monday. Made it across London tho and didn’t cause any mischief.

It’s fuckin lovely being in the sunshine amongst beautiful happy people in London. It’s even better having a day off work HA!

A really old mate of mine has got me rudely fucked out of my brain in a waterfront bar on a Monday. I went to leave but the trains were fucked and so am I so I love gone back to the bar.

Was nice prancing through Soho this afternoon, still a few old characters about, the booze shop owner smoking out the shop front, the famous tailor having a beer and looking suave outside his etc. and they’ve got new aircon in the Algerian Coffee Stores it was lush!

Just popped in Uni Qlo on Oxford st for some shorts, saw a sign saying ‘Sweat Collection’ and thought, yes, I have that. Phew

Fuck me, this, with Lidl Provolone cheese, and Cape Verde playing a blinder is a fabulous end to the day!

The 40 year old Cape Verde goalkeeper is holding it down for people old enough to remember Ludacris albums

GOOOOOAAALL! Nice one CPV. Class

Mask of Mictlantecuhtli: A 500-year-old mask of the Aztec god of the underworld, who tore apart the dead as they entered his realm This skull-shaped mask was made to be used in a ritual involving the Aztec god of death www.livescience.com/archaeology/...

Bought the whippet cross a new hat as she's whippet good

Me popping up to the west end tomo cos I’m not working. Wahey!

GOOOOOOOOAAALLLLL!

What a run Cape Verde! Like a little Maradona on the sherbet!

Have a lovely week you lot. Thank god some of you have a sense of humour and perspective. Kiss my flaaarss. X ❤️

The most shocking post on here today. Block me you fuckers! It’ll just give me a bigger hard on tomo!

Well this is a fruity beaut! And no it’s not out if focus, you’re pissed!

The Cure at IoW on Sky now

Never thought I’d find myself cheering on Iran!

You lot ffs. It’s like school! It’s really really fuck all and I’ve been out all day having a lovely time so wouldn’t have even noticed unless someone pointed it out to me. Someone who’s quite a big account took offence at me posting about having a hard on in bed this morning. It’s really that silly

A bee’s bum!