Where’s my fucking hair stylist?! Evening.

It was actually pretty cold and windy on the harbour but a sunset's a sunset

Tits oot for the grapes! Stop tantalising me with yer silky tannins.

Pub dog

Just oiled my chain with wet lube and now I’m gonna ride hard and fast into the sun. #Sext

Sexlunch. Warm pitta with fried tofu, rocket leaves, pickles, toasted cashews, crispy chilli in oil. There are no rules. Yum.

Stormie’s gonna help me wash my bike. Don’t bite the feckin tyres!

IT’S HOT CROSS BUN O’CLOCK!

My dog has made herself a rather lovely bracelet.

I ache so much I am going to do absolutely nothing today. If you’d like me to come around and just sit about sighing and finding patches of sunlight then hit me up. I’m also available for concise one sentence answers given to most questions.

Papua don’t preach! Something hot and wet in her Maj this morning. Super stuff.

Stormie says, for the fluff of God touch my face.

Just remembered I saw a mobility scooter parked outside the pub when I left last night with horse brasses on the front basket. It was fucking cool imo. I might get one and paint it like a narrow boat and place ornate watering cans and plant holders over it too.

Five years ago I had the chance to tour Nunhead Catacombs. I wasn't sure about taking #photos but my love of #history got the better of me. This curious device is a coffin lift and it's just part of the amazing story of one of London's seven great garden cemeteries. Do visit if you can #photograpy

The dog has farted and now we shall all die. I am truly very sorry.

I do have fancy shit sometimes but I’ve just munched some Dairy Milk and it’s just perfect.

So now I’m in my seventies, I can think of nothing more enjoyable than sharing a photograph, from my own archive, and here’s a personal favourite… the great Bob Marley at his one and only gig in Ireland… from my old negatives #photography #BobMarley #myoldnegatives

#totp #NotTotp Love this Sinead

The rabbit is mental tonight. She just did a bunny hop 180 on the patio. Perfect.

On the way to the pub I may have had a bifter and while the dog was having a shit on the grass in front of the estate a police motorbike rushed by chasing some kids in a Golf Gti. The stupid fuckers went into the estate - a dead end. Loads more polos arrived and leapt out of their cars in pursuit.

By rights my body is so smashed I should be smoking opium at a yoga retreat with beautiful women walking up and down my spine. As it turns out I’ve gone up the pub with the dog.

A steam train just went by and blew its whistle. What a lovely sound!

Sat down for a tea but the dog’s being needy.

Stormie is not helping with the decorating. She says it’s a torpid afternoon and she would rather meditate on the colours of lichen while listening to the breeze shimmy nearby trees.

Right. Tesco order ferreted away. Time I did some more RSI damage to my arm and get painting again. *clicks on radio 3, pulls on clear PVC chaps, and dons decorator’s tactical cowboy hat* YEEHAH!

Just had to refill my dried oregano. God that’s one of my fave herbs. So fruity and in yer face the pong of it always makes me smile. Well done oregano. Bravo.

Just clicked on my news app for a moment. I still find it astonishing that story after story of appalling news events from around the globe are mainly down to one thick mad cunt. Sake.

"You boy, what day is this??"

#awesometattoo #hilarioustattoo

Celebrity Slam a Fire Door repeatedly Against your Cock, has legs I reckon.

Day 5 of decorating and I ache like a bastard. I guess I’m an oldie now. I used to just do this kind of thing and not think about it. Now I’ve got such an achy right shoulder from painting it woke me up in the night and I couldn’t lie in any way that wouldn’t hurt. Soft lad.

Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Thaviour, Jethuth Chrithe?

Just popped the recycling out. #Gusty

Tonight I’m doing jkt spud cheese n beans but with Avjar and baked beans and cauliflower cheese to make it more splendid.

Just listening to The Comet is Coming - Channel the Spirit. Fuckin ace album from 10 yrs ago I don’t play enough.

I’ve made an imperial fuckton of cheese and mustard sauce and only have a tiny amount of cauliflower. Oh well.

I’m gently riding a horse through your mind whilst making a cheese sauce. open.spotify.com/track/6TSClO...

The old gloss was oil based the new one water. Looks like yer mam’s lungs cos o’them Bensons.

The best bit is always when you take the masking tape off.

Purple brush, purple brush Purple brush, purple brush Purple brush, purple brush I only wanted to see you painting with the purple brush

Weirdy lunch no. 764 Hot cheese & onion mini rolls on a bed of rocket, cucumber, and pickles with a French dressing. #Class #MichelinStar

Exciting day up the park. It’s obvs been deemed dry enough to get the big cutter out.

From a pic of a man with his knob stuck up the exhaust pipe of a Range Rover to my fever pitch descriptions of using up old paint to decorate, it looks like I’m back on form for banging out top tumbleweed posts. #Quality #EpicBoring

It’s well fuckin windy today. Feels a tad cooler too. Might have to pop a jumper on to take the dog for a walk.

I painted this exposed brickwork fireplace 20 yrs ago when we moved in. I still have the paint and there’s half left in top quality nick so I’m gonna use it again. The paint has a 15 yr guarantee - I’m stretching that out to 40! #OldMan #Thrifty

I am fucking knackered and ache all over from decorating. I’m getting soft. Managed to get a lot of paint over me old Basquiat top yesterday too. 🙄

Just remembered yesterday it looked like I was car jacking a neighbour. Eldest dropped me near our house and waited in her little grey car I popped in and out again, went to open door on her car when I noticed a child in the back seat staring at me as I was about to open the door. Wrong fuckin car!

£5 £10 £20 £50