Is life just a series of waiting for sleep, wanting the day to end and then waiting for sleep again?

Captured one

Lasagna or thrush?

He usually conceals his beer gut well.

I’ve been in disgrace since vaccination day

I wonder what Jill Halfpenny is doing.

M&S will make a fucking dip out of anything.

Things you can only say to your brother: that stink you’ve left in the loo is a hate crime

WHAT THE FUCK IS MATCHA?

This is a hate crime

I was watching the newsreader the other night and quite enjoyed it, it was also in a state of high anxiety and everything felt doomed. So I can’t watch it again now because it’s cursed.

WHERE’S THE WALLY? THERE HE IS

I’d be telling it to fuck off.

HOT TAKES EVERYWHERE

SEASONAL CROCKERY

This is a hate crime

It could happen to anyone

The new Harry Potter sounds shit

The question on everybody’s lips is WHEN WILL HE BE FUCKING OFF?

THERE WERE YOUNG PEOPLE STAYING IN THE SAME HOTEL.

This is a review of a pub. I don’t think this person has been to a pub before.

For anyone who needs to hear this, GET A FUCKING GRIP.

I want to smash my face into a chocolate mousse.

I love him tho

WHEN DID CANAPÉS BECOME PARTY FOOD BECOME PICKY BITS?

Just asked AI how I could tell Eon I’m leaving. A typo changed the context significantly.

Anti social

I’m sure my tits used to be higher up

Handsnomes

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and worry about how many secret WhatsApp groups there actually are, where men share naked photos of partners and ex partners, without their consent.

Personally, I think they should bring back clans.

Eric seems to have developed a policy of having a shit in the upstairs litter tray as soon as I get in the bath.

It’s a simple flag for simple people, nothing to see here.

IT IS A MURDIDDILIERDER

Is the answer “Gregg Wallace”?

I’m missing about 10,000 followers, has anyone seen them? PHOTO FOR ATTENTION

Anyone fancy a pair of Schindler's List leggings?

It’s going to be a stressful summer for anyone who’s hidden a body in a reservoir.

He is considering how many people were in Chaz and Di’s marriage.

I am forgiven

I feel like I am in trouble.

My Grandpa was fearless. Look at his aeroplane.

Super chill

I used to be somebody

I’ll lie like this for 10 mins, bite her hand and then go and knock everything off the bedside table and fuck off.

Just realised that I look like a jelly baby when I take my clothes off.

Too much, too mixed. Sensory overload. I couldn’t cope with having this in front of me. Where’s the order? Where are the neatly shaped trays for matching things to nestle in? This is the cause of all the worlds problems. I want our sovereignty back.

Long toenails give me the big bad ick,

Flag wars in York

What if my fingers get fat