The fuck has Midge Ure got on his feet? #Totp

The Anadin brothers were your teenage Moo's aesthetic #totp

Prince looks like me after I've put the Christmas decks up. #totp

My bon bon is not for shaking, thank YOU very much. #totp

I'm seeing a lot of crochet garments in the clothes shops lately. I'm not sure crochet has the structural integrity or is robust enough to contain all my meat

I'm not doing that copy and paste thingy because when I do I either get roundly ignored or told I'm a fucken weirdo and my self esteem CANNOT.

I keep forgetting to eat 🤤

Find yourself someone who looks at you the way my Fortnite sidekick Harold looks at me 🩷 #Fortnite

My new squad just dropped...

I fucken love erigeron. Look at this handsome bastard.

After no sightings this year of any of my foxy pals, I've just been visited by an adult and 3 cubs! Woo hoo, I'm a foxy mama again!! 💞🦊

Oh yippee it's that time of year again when people in the supermarket waft past you smelling like wet cheese. #Heatwave

Lizzie and Freddie are the romance I didn't know I needed 🥹 #Rivals

I have been productive today so I'm rewarding myself with pie and gin and more bonking.

I have watched a lot of bonking these last two days.

Puts Rivals on...'wonder if this is full of sex?' *Opening scene fills my telly with a giant man arse pumping away* Yep.

I'm so excited for pie, darlings.

Just smacked myself in the face with the end of a broom handle if anyone is wondering how I'm handling adulthood.

I have been left unsupervised until Saturday. I'm going to make a chicken pie and go in on series 1 of Rivals, if anyone's wondering what happened to all the party girls.

I thought to myself today: you know what Moo? You've not had minstrels for ages, why not treat yourself. FOUR FUCKEN ENGLISH POUNDS? Get to actual fuck, galaxy .

Imagine putting two complete strangers together, contriving an intimate relationship and being surprised that serious sexual assault is the outcome. All in the name of entertainment. Jesus. #ComeFriendlyBombs

Not now, Ebola. Not fucken now.

NOOT NOOT, BITCHES

Thank fuck for that.

Look mum NO POINTS.

Just for men gel doing a lot of heavy lifting for Italy. Fyi...we CAN tell. #Eurovision

Thomas Dolby will be fewmin #Eurovision

Bulgaria #Eurovision

Supporting Belgium as it's a great country and it put up with my teenage nonsense for 5 years. #Eurovision

Is that male presenter David Mitchell doing a skit? #Eurovision

I JUST REALLY LIKE CAKE.

MOO FOR PM* *Panda Mitherer

My rock cakes weren't rocky - and other reasons I'm wanted for arson.

OK, WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS CASTED YOUR CLOUTS?

One day you're young and cool, the next you're getting excited about a tripe pack of broom head brackets.

First it was the bats. Now it's the rats. Cats: tick tock motherfuckers.

@icecrystal.bsky.social LOOK 😍😍😍

Menopause...for when you want your armpits to smell like Bolognese.

The cringe is strong in this episode #totp

Teenage Moo had the MASSIVE HORN for Bret Michaels #totp

Our remote mute button really earns its keep on a Friday night when the 90s episodes are on. #totp

STRAIT OF BOREMUZ MORE LIKE. #amirite

Might go sit in the park with a couple of cans* *Of spaghetti hoops

The Martian is on. Brilliant filum. Watch it with your eyeballs.

Vilte giving Angelina Jolie vibes #Masterchef

Just been out to water our vegetable patch while the rhubarb and apple crumble bakes in the oven. I'M LIKE A RUDDY CATHERINE COOKSON BOOK, LADS.

Innit.

Lads, you know pork crackling? You can eat as much of it as you like. You don't need a permit or anything.

I have had AN LOVELY DAY™