Anybody know what kind of snake this is? Close to 4 ft long. Maybe a rat snake? Seen in Northern Virginia. @asherelbein.bsky.social

Okay. Logging off for the rest of the day. Or a couple of minutes at least.

The women in his house? bsky.app/profile/jeff...

my mother: you should still maybe bring a jacket

What’s a horror movie quote that you say to yourself often?

in the early 90s Brown's student guide introduced some of the first rules on explicit consent and every op ed page in the country went batshit over the "can i touch you here? how about here?" dialogue intimates were supposed to engage in ruining sex and idk it always sounded super fucken hot to me?

lmao yes idk it feels like we’re getting close to reinventing Ye Olde Cereal Magnate Sanitariums tho. bryan johnson in particular is one dose of non-feminising estrogen away from deciding that the fountain of youth is a yoghurt enema and an ice bath

Just like clits, dicks are a much larger organ than people think: many men are mostly dick and some men are even total dicks

okay but it did seem like they were just gonna keep adding blades to razors there for a while

I am terrible at getting blood stains out of my teeth.

Roses are red But violets are lesser

And a gorilla to be named later.

That guy is definitely ballmaxxing.

Who does this guy look like? Ohhhhh.

I have no doubt the thing that will break me will be 2 factor authentication

Am I starting a trend to make Trump the worst curse you can say? Abso-trumping-lutley!

They still make Snapple? 🤯

Slightly increase a band: They're Probably Giants

In order to raise low sperm counts, we must lower taxes on the rich

I had a trump baby, then I wiped and flushed.

Isn't this one of Zeno's Paradoxes?

Is this why Trump needs a bigger ballroom?

I did some beckmaxxing and now my junk looks like Two turntables and a microphone

just gave the mother of my children oral sex and then breakfast in bed. good morning everyone!

What happens when the President gets all of his information from TV and he walks by when someone is watching Tehran.

When asked for a response, Tesla said "💩" electrek.co/2026/05/09/t...

Virginia. Put the removal of the VA Supreme Court justices on the ballot. No pensions. No nothing. Fair Action For Officers of the court

Everyone says they can pay the fine until they get punched in the face. - Mike Tyson (?)

Two golden calves, if I remember the Hokey Pokey correctly.

Franz Ferdinand has been spotted leaving the Virginia Supreme Court in a body bag.

Okay. Here's the crazy thing. According to the Amendment 22 of the Constitution, Trump can run for President in 2028 but he cannot be elected. Further, it does not bar him from becoming President, say by becoming the Speaker of the House and then having POTUS and VPOTUS resign.

If the last year and a half price anything it's that our Founding Fathers really weren't very smart at all.

JOHN FOGERTY: I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain JAMES TAYLOR: okay, you’re not gonna fucking believe this

AI is nearly useless, essentially just regurgitating shit it has seen to make those it interacts with believe it actually thinks. So replacing Senators with AI makes total sense.

Happy Star Wars Day to all who lisp!

🎶Blue moo You saw me drinking alone Without blue cream in my heart Without Luke, all alone

It seems pretty dumb that my two favorite holidays are back-to-back. Why can't we move Cinco de Mayo to August (which is severely lacking in holidays)? Who is in charge of this?

rudy giuliani has been placed in the iron liver

Don't worry. Rudy Giuliani will get the best care possible at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping and Urgent Care Center.

Hey. My eyes are up here. No. Higher. - crustaceans, probably

Find the cat

There was a small window in time when if you said you were "vibe coding" people would assume you were writing software for a Bluetooth butt plug.

Remember you had tuna salad that one time that was so much better than any other? That was your

Are they called Lifetime movies because that's how long they seem to take to watch.

I mean the whole point of frying fish is so you don't know what you are eating.

if my vibes were made into an album, the cover would be this

Lunatic far right: Wait. Shapiro is a Jewish name?! 🤯

Apple's biggest flip under Tim Cook wasn't Vision Pro, it was the Apple car. One of the dumbest ideas I've ever heard. Cook is basically responsible for nothing. The iPad mini and the watch are just bigger/smaller versions of the ubiquitous phone. He can take credit for kissing Trump's ring/ass.