How about a capybara timeline cleanse?

That looks ridiculous.

Happy Mother’s Day to people who believe motherhood should be a choice and not a punishment.

💞

I do not think anyone expected men to take AC/DC literally. Perhaps this is the new health/beauty intersection, trying to convince people in advance that the nasty side effects of the diseases we're bringing back are beauty hacks. Next up, how polio is great for weight loss.

Find the cat

Daughter texted me and asked if I knew why flags were at half staff. I told her I didn’t know unless it was because democracy is dead.

If you aren’t paying. You are the product. Sometimes even when you are paying, they find ways to turn you into the product.

This. Every single day.

And now, your moment of Zen…

A: Don't go to the beach.

04/28/2026

Overheard tonight at the White House: Donald Trump asking, "Who is this Mexican broad Magna Carta?"

when you're not reading the room

While ranting about this, I kept thinking of; youtu.be/3_h2uRk3bjI?...

Ok fine I’ll do it myself. I’m fucking wheezing

Thank you Donald Trump 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

“Flightless island birds”. That’s going into the top tray of my rhetorical toolbox.

Okay, this is hilarious. www.youtube.com/watch?v=I73q...

With so much awful news, here is something to brighten your day:

We Americans don’t have a monopoly on truly dreadful behavior to our country’s original inhabitants. www.nytimes.com/2026/04/25/w...

i know we're all anti-WH correspondents dinner, but man it seems like a missed opportunity if the atlantic doesn't invite director patel to some open-bar events

Amazon, Meta, and Microsoft are all planning huge layoffs. Amazon got $17.5B in federal tax breaks last year. Jeff Bezos is worth $271B. Meta saved $13.7B in taxes. Mark Zuckerberg is worth $231B. Microsoft saved $12.5B last year. Its CEO is worth $1.3B. This is what a rigged economy looks like.

I fucking hate him.

Translation: We need to start a war we can win so you all will forget our fuckup in Iran and stop asking about those damn Trumpstein files.

Oh well Operation Total Extermination isn't a terrifying name AT ALL.

So much false equivalence in media on gerrymandering in Texas vs California & Virginia. California and Virginia maps approved by the voters. That's a huge difference not enough people pointing out

Morning, Pals! Having trouble waking up? Staying awake? Maybe you should get some of these

Yoda, given a choice between getting his hair done, going to Krispy Kreme or scoring in a rugby match: Do or donut, there is no try.

Why are we allowing the shittiest group of people ruin everything for the rest of us? #trumpforprison

My wife and I decided never to go to bed angry. We've been awake since Friday…

Bluesky Says They Like Drinking And Sex. But They Ran Eric Swalwell Out of Office for Drinking and Sex. My Anger At This Hypocrisy Is Exactly Why I Can Only Write For The Atlantic.

a bug!

Was this in her job description?

The Middle East is full of religious extremists who blindly revere evil men. Oops! I meant *The United States* not The Middle East.

If you are someone in Iran who truly cares about democratic reforms and human rights, if you also feel like ever trusting the Americans again, I uh….. I’m not gonna tell u how to do your job but

Journalists at ProPublica, one of the largest nonprofit newsrooms in the U.S., walked off the job on Wednesday after more than two years of negotiations that failed to yield a deal for a union contract. The core disagreements were over wage increases, layoff protections and the use of A.I.

this goes hard as fuck

#Spain won’t ‘applaud those who set the world on fire just because they then show up with a bucket’ –PM Pedro Sánchez www.cnbc.com/2026/04/08/s...

many people are saying that all great world-historical facts and personages appear, so to speak, twice!

Another beautiful Easter message from the President who loves Jesus with all his heart and soul.

"Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell" -- Jake Tapper reads Trump's Truth Social post on air

Hegseth just fired the Army Chief Gen Randy George. Immediately. Gen George the most competent and experienced combat leaders I have ever encountered. Courage. Integrity. Takes care of soldiers. A government of gangsters.

I’ve concluded that men who like Trump are more likely to cheat on their wives.

We need to stop those crazy trump sycophant! And Trump.😡