Imagine cooking with me. No, more garlic.

It’s a zoo out there, absolute madness Antifa was spotted at the scene and identified — 🐼🐻🦝🦊🦄🐸🐝🦖🐔🐘🦒🦈🦚 The 🔥 is out of control Feel free to add emojis in the replies for any big mean puffy Antifa creatures that I may have missed

Charlie Kirk called for his audience to post bail for Pelosi attacker: "If some amazing patriot out there in San Francisco or the Bay Area wants to really be a midterm hero, someone should go and bail this guy out..Bail him out and then go ask him some questions"

If prayer really worked, I would have woken up to an enormous headline this morning.

The perfect golf outfit doesn't exi.....

Road construction doesn’t care if you have to take a shit. It gives no fucks.

Truth-tellers, not rioters. Protect these two men at all costs. “You feel tough with your assault rifles and your sticks. You should be standing here with us. You’re on the wrong side of history.” “John Lewis said make good trouble… that means make trouble on behalf of democracy.”

The Goonfather

The WWII Native American Code Talkers were absolute legends. Using their languages as unbreakable codes, they saved countless lives and outsmarted enemies in the most brilliant way possible. Heroes whose brilliance deserves way more attention.

There are moments I’d give anything for the quiet mercy of forgetting, just like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

There’s no need to go back to the futures I’ve been promised because after tonight I’m yours forever, garnished with lucious sin against your luxury lips, tasted and savored, my body becoming legends of lust against the hard swallow of pleasure, as you spread my legs further apart in longing hunger.

Along the dark mirages lingering shadows of lust, burned between the silhouettes of sunlight and midnight’s whispers, I feel the pulse breaking my deafening silence, your serpent tongue coiling between my thighs, as I moan wild oasis waterfalls that immerse us in its crushing depths.

Shoutout to the word “ugh” for always having my back.

Oh sorry, I said snack on that ass…not smack on that ass.

Pixie kisses from her wicked lips lure you deeper into hot-blooded devilry, where you’re shackled to pain and pleasure, until you ache for an immaculate release from her mouth, down from where thunder growled from the sky’s throat.

NEW: Senator Marshall (R-KS) RUNS AWAY, fleeing his own town hall after being asked about DOGE firing Veterans. MAKE HIM GO VIRAL.

#Emails2DOGE cc: [email protected] 1. Mocked Trump & his boss Elon on TV and online 2. Got my kid’s Corgi fixed so she won’t have babies (Elon you should get fixed 2) 3. Looked up why ketamine abusers need 😎 indoors 4. Read court decisions saying Trump & his boss Elon violated laws 5. Made this list

Give your balls a tug Raphael. You suck so much Trump dick you both changed your Facebook status to "it's complicated." *Shoresy🇨🇦

O Canada. 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦

I still call it Valentimes Day.

"i wonder if we ever think of each other at the same time." ~ Author unknown

THERAPIST: Welcome to couples therapy. ME: Thanks. THERAPIST: Will anyone else be joining us? ME: Nope. Is that bad?

💚

Canadian butthole is worth the price increase.

taking up the tambourine because nothing matters anymore

Post yourself in B&W.

Nothing beats good people with beautiful souls

Greenland has rare Earth metals needed by tech companies such as Tesla. That’s all I’m going to say.

If you ever share / repost anything, please let it be this

There were some rough patches but the wife and I stuck it out and stayed together for the sake of the great baby names we came up with.

If the farmer doesn't work, we die of hunger, let's thank the farmers around the world.🙏❤️

I remember when a problem was someone talking over the radio host while you were poised to hit record on the tape deck when your song came on Let's get you to bed, grandma

"How about a little NICEferatu for one evening?" - Nosferatu's wife as they are getting ready for a dinner party

My job doesn’t pay me enough to think about work outside of work

I hope your pets liked their presents

Two more days and Hans Gruber says it'll be Christmas.

If you have to remind people that you're the one in charge. Then you're really not the one in charge.

Seasons greetings from Outpost 31.

I'm writing one right now. It's about a big city mistletoe expert Kandace (Kandy) Kaine, who runs into small town former boyfriend/kola bear veterinarian, Theodore (Teddy) Kuddles.

Mashed potatoes with anything is comfort food. Beef, chicken , pork, grilled cheese, French fries, Caesar salad, Fruit Loops, etc, etc, fucking etc.

Merry Christmas. From my family to yours.

Dumped the bitter coffee out.....thought of you

I found that I have been happier since I changed from coffee in the morning to orange juice. My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I really think it's the vodka.