The future simple tense is generally preferred for its clarity, but in some circumstances can seem ominous or threatening (fig. A).

worker: bit of bad news it seems like god got kinda pissed we were building such a cool tower and he kinda cursed us into speaking different languages worker 2: sacre bleu! worker: yeah for sure man

All of my political views and policy ideas have basically collapsed to "Punish the Villains" and I mumble it to myself every time I see a news article these days

Pour one out for our guys laying on the ground with their mouths open

The future simple tense is generally preferred for its clarity, but in some circumstances can seem ominous or threatening (fig. A).

Generative AI, in both form and content, and whether looked on favourably or critically, seems to embody a collective hopelessness about the prospect of human learning and creativity, if not human knowledge altogether. It’s as if climate change had fans.

When me and the boys get our edits rejected from Wookiepedia

got invited to the goblin group chat but none of them speak common so I'm just fire reacting random shit

I really expected one or both of these to be paraphrases

It is fucked up what they did to the headphone jack

the only kind of society that is going to be livable - and perhaps this is already irretrievably out of reach - is going to be one where consistent rules and some general baseline of truth exist and are agreed upon. if that's a pie in the sky fantasy then so is anything else worthwhile

Side-eyeing sidewalker

stuff sucks, here's a gar

“In between the finger-pointing, there was grieving.” is, and it pains me greatly to say this, a pretty good joke.

cardboard box on a residential lawn:

Can’t find it because the search engines are dogshit now, but I remember some guy‘s ad that said “Totally exonerated. No corruption.” and I might just be painfully Millenial but I feel the absolute floor for political operatives is not setting up a Lionel Hutz joke.

Sad Brit weeping with a hand against the window

Centrist time traveller goes back to argue with Hitler

So we‘re like what three months tops from a full on firefight between lulz addicts and off-duty cops working security

One big problem is that to truly understand what the internet is doing to people, you have to be on it too much to play any useful role in society

Way things are going, your kid’s probably going to attack a lieutenant governor with a railroad spike because a chatGPT Labubu said it loved him, might as well get that bag

Looking forward to an endless future of public figures getting folded by video game nihilists who write STREAM SILKSONG on their body armour and pick their targets based on who’s at the convention center next weekend.

IMHO there’s a pretty wide gap between the state deciding who dies and individual citizens expressing their dissatisfaction. The real argument against political assassination is that there’s an endlessly deep bench of ideologically identical replacements for any given ghoul.

Not only are we pinning it all on unobtanium, we’ve diverted every resource that might conceivably help us discover unobtanium towards fake money to make the wealthy recession-proof and a tech bubble that makes 2000 look like a Laurence Welk song.

There are still those who believe that the wealthy are necessarily smart, and they make the most snake-handling peasant-brained zealots look like stony materialists.

The stars have aligned, but are you ready to conjure? In our final episode of necromancy, we explore the finer points of astrology and its importance in spell casting - so that you know exactly what moon phase is best to curse your enemies, conjure birds, or route an army.

Everything is Theranos. “Sure, all the FUD scientists say it’s ‘physically impossible’, but I’m pretty sure we’ll have it cracked with this next funding round.”

Me damn you John, you shroomed-up lunatic, I said Helsinki!

Electric Six's 2005 should-have-been-a-hit "Future Boys" anticipated the last 15 years better than most anything

[Megaman X Jingle & Voiceover]

Cirrhosis can interfere with the body’s absorption of nutrients, eventually leading to sarcopenia (mummy dick).

🌎 Good lord, what is happening in there?! 🇮🇱 A just war, morally fought. 🌎 A just war, morally fought? 🌎 With daily bombing of civil infrastructure for over a year? 🌎 With no aid getting in? 🌎 With a vastly superior military that frequently states there are no innocents? 🇮🇱 Yes! 🌎 May I see it? 🇮🇱 No.

“The more powerful party has a greater moral burden” remains an unpopular notion with powerful parties.

RIP to a real one

career advice for plebs: Have you considered looking for work that fits your skill set, and not being too picky about what they’re paying you career advice for the Synthesis Cognoscenti Plus Elite: just run your dipshit mouth, they’ll love it, they are contractually obligated to love it

*worked in a comic shop for half a decade voice* die you fucking crypto-currency-spawning pay-to-win nerd scratch tickets, stop grooming new generations of kids and die, die, die

ABAB

1896: Oh no the train is coming right out of the screen! 2025: The train is capable of self-reflection and I do therapy with the train.

Can I just say: oh my god lol

Yeah, it all seems to come down to a deep psychological inability to accept that Trump is just a moron and an obvious liar. After all, he's a billionaire who became President of the United States twice! *Surely* there must be something more to it, right? And no, that's all there is, buddy!

Baseball Announcer who just read Conspiracy Against the Human Race: “The claim that an unexamined life is not worth living implies an examined life is worth living—yet the journey of truth leads only to the limits of solitude, burdened with the knowledge that we must die. Line drive to centerfield.”

We are approaching the Bronner Horizon

Radio edits are such a fascinating puritanical double pretense. Everyone who’s heard the original fills it in, and even the blank draws attention to itself like a plain brown wrapper - [SCANDALOUS LANGUAGE GOES HERE]. But we want to hear fuck songs at the mall.

They’re called laws.

I just talk to myself without the sea-boiling intermediary.

Twenty-odd years of only knowing the name Donald Trump as the rich dumb guy joke that put his brain in Bill the Cat’s body has really heightened the “last random firings of a dying brain” vibe of the last decade.