At Best Show 25, I’m personally commemorating ~16 years of being too chicken to call in

yet another of my vassals has become tokugawa-pilled. not great.

Every Mariners hitter gets an iPad when they get in the dugout. It will read, “Swing at the pitches down the middle this time” in 76-point comic sans. They’ll be unsure. Computers have been known to lie.

Silicon Valley guy who feels intellectually maxed out by the cubicle version of Lost is such a funny concept. “this speculative fiction is dealing me sustained HP damage!!”

I’m actually pretty far left but I think a children’s educator being against the slaughter and starvation of children is about me

Toddler movie update: I would’ve considered Howl’s Moving Castle a minor Miyazaki work but you can really appreciate the details after your 800th watch

it's not FOR us

My sympathies to the biggest Philadelphia Phillies fans I know: Joe Biden, Samuel Alito, and Benjamin Netanyahu. I’ll see you in Valhalla.

lol

This movie will be a failure if it doesn’t spend at least 20 minutes on Guiteau getting kicked out of a sex cult for being too weird

Trump forming an anti Christian crime investigation task force to distract from the fact that he is a pedophile

Kershaw is in so this account is reversing all previous stances; rock his ass, go birds or whatever

Now the Phillies, soon the Dodgers, so we pray

All I want from the playoffs is this man to be happy

“And another thing: in Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, Hamlet barely shows up!”

vlad guerrero jr is the product of a 30+ year project to concentrate an entire planet's psychic resentment against the yankees into the form of a single human

This guy is gonna be four Old Styles, an Italian beef, and a deep-dish pizza into an evening and declare undying allegiance to Great Khan Pritzker

God has sent his floodwaters to wash away the sinful American League

I will never not repost this (Sound on for maximum effect)

In the cold light of day can we all now admit that the bunt was a perfectly fine call

Alright funniest outcome possible

Genuinely have diminished respect for anyone choosing to watch a mid season chiefs-jaguars game over playoff baseball. TV induced CTE

It turns out the dodgers are using banned substances (pasteurized milk)

Phillies playing like Trump visited their locker room

Once again Philadelphia, perhaps the tenth to twelfth best northeastern city, is eating shit

Least popular cities:skylines streamer numbers

Nobody at the sports bar seems to care that Phillies pitcher Jesús Luzardo has a name similar to seminal noise rock band The Jesus Lizard. I guess I’ll never fit in.

Nobel Prize In Medicine Awarded To Tums https://theonion.com/nobel-prize-in-medicine-awarded-to-tums/

the words every girl wants to hear

getting called out for lying on your dating profile because youre clearly wearing Pants For Shorts

"Modern english" it was written in 1935

if you are in Seattle and you drive by my house prepare for the fright of your life

2050’s historian: “to understand the American Empires collapse, it behooves us to consider the first week of October, 2025, in what was then called Toronto”

Michael Kay suicide watch

my wife is a Cal fan and apparently this week they’re putting a “59” on their football helmets to honor the 59 Nobel laureates tied to Cal in order to flex on Duke this is maybe my favorite dunk anyone has ever done on Duke

“Oh so you want to ban sports gambling? Aren’t you in favor of drug legalization?” First of all the velvet underground didn’t write any songs about parlays

Verlander. Je verlande, tu verlandes, il verlande, nous verlandons, vous verlandez, ils verlandent

I literally knew teenagers selling weed who had better operational security than the Trump White House.

This lady hooked a whole grip of people. Mad as fuck lol

I have never put much stock in big market/small market bullshit, but the WNBA must be going ballistic over two godforsaken wasteland cities being in the finals

dads having to desperately scramble to make up bedtime stories out of whatever material they have available in their heads is a beautiful tradition and also why it took me until I was in middle school to figure out that Wilt Chamberlain was a real person and not a character my dad made up

White fish salad on toast with a little arugula. That’s what’s up

When Woke 2 takes hold we are going to lock down Long Island like Escape From New York

best family trip since january 6th

Don’t get mad at the muppets for playing the Riyadh Comedy Festival, it’s the only way they can save the theater

Aaron Boone was given lifetime tenure because of his Dutch surname, in honor of nyc’s rich history