I spend weeks cognitive testing an item for a survey, and The Onion just skeets it out.

My dog when I walk in

Wes Anderson's All the President's Men

Oooooooooo he wrote a letter

Folks are missing the most interesting part of this: the 28% who recognized the intended trade-off between asserting masculinity and asserting fealty to Trump, and so refused to answer. Such refusal rates among Republicans have been growing dramatically in recent months.

I'm aghast news.gallup.com/opinion/meth...

They're calling them the worst political instincts of all time

We've reached the point where one party has so obliterated the rule of law that everyone else continuing to abide by it will only hasten the end of our democracy. That's a recipe for chaos and violence. It's terrifying, and I don't know what we do about it.

i have my own strong opinions about this but curious what you guys think this paragraph is doing in the Virginia Supreme Court's decision to nullify the will of the people

The only thing that makes it a kind of coalition is Trump. His physical presence. When he goes, it's Balkanized. You see it happening. The America Firsters vs. the hawks vs. the libertarians vs. the bigots vs. Wall Street vs. the Norquist types. There is no more useful idiot.

The absolute dumbest people. Schoolyard shit.

Just the dumbest people

gfy john

The funniest part of this is Harris telling the reporter on scene "Great job getting [Lucas for comment] right as this was going on!" because the FBI fucking coordinated with Fox News and they were on scene before Lucas had even arrived at work. Absolute third world clown shit.

Jessica Winter has been raising her children to detest A.I. Then her daughter’s public middle school began receiving Google Chromebooks, which came pre-installed with an all-ages version of Gemini, a suite of A.I. tools. newyorkermag.visitlink.me/M5gaYm

FFS

Created a burner on the hellsite to check one thing. Set up legitimately with a email address. Logged in once, didn’t post, followed one account. Didn’t come back for weeks. Checked last night for news and my account had been suspended for suspicious activity.

Priceless post from the official White House social media

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director. Please stand by for more.

I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy but they're definitely dirty. But, a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way.

Our team received a report of intermittent app outages at about 11:40pm PDT on April 15, 2026. They worked through the night to mitigate a sophisticated Distributed Denial-of-Service (DDoS) attack, which intensified throughout the day.

I cackled

Onion ads have zero chill

this is throwing spaghetti at the wall, except there’s no wall www.cnbc.com/2026/04/15/a...

I do think it’s very silly and regrettable to lose NATO because Republicans are indulging themselves in a weird fad.

Harrison Ford has made one good movie since 1990

Wishing you and yours a very merry Confederate Surrender Day.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

That’s Smee in the corner

Things that help calm the nervous system, quickly: - Box breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, repeat) - Immerse your face in cold water (activates mammalian dive reflex) - Humming (stimulates vagus nerve) - Exercise (anything helps, outside even better) - Impeachment and removal

Houston, no contest.

Best Star Trek crew..Wrong answers only.

Onion all bangers again

Trump: "The US can't take of daycare. That has to be up to a state. We're fighting wars. Medicaid, Medicare -- they can do it on a state basis. We have to take care of one thing: military protection. But all these little scams that have taken place, you have to let states take care of them."

Torn between “Forgive your wife for her shortcomings. They're why she couldn’t get a better husband.” and “I guess I’m the only one on rec.arts.tv.bosombuddies that respects the fucking canon”

I like it how you can see the time when Trump's speech occured

The GOP is okay with you dying as long as defense contracts are fulfilled

The evil is the point

Putting together releases from our latest poll of NJ voters, and the collapse of the MAGA coalition in New Jersey is striking. In Jan 2024, 27% of NJ voters identified as MAGA: 54% of Republicans and 31% of independents.

war_iran_final-blow_v1.pdf war_iran_final-final-blow-v2.pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits.pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits (1).pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits (1) APPROVED.pdf IRANWARPLANSFINALFINALFINAL.pdf IRANWARPLANSFINALFINALFINAL (1).pdf

People can scream "ageism!" all they want. The truth is that RBG's decision not to retire is a big part of why Roe v. Wade is gone. The truth is that Biden's decision to run for a second term despite his age is probably the single biggest reason Donald Trump is currently president.

Thank you for your attention to this manta.

Quelle surprise

ICE guy entering the Womens bathroom claiming a kidnapping victim was inside

Somebody should suggest to Trump to send ICE to Iran to help our wonderful troops.

WtAF

I can’t even be mad lol translate.kagi.com

The President of the United States said I insulted Jesus. You want to know what insults Jesus? Kicking the sick off their healthcare. Bombing schoolchildren in Iran. Deporting moms and babies. Covering up the Epstein files.