How to Join ICE theonion.com/how-to-join-...

Everything Worse

Mascot Doing Fentanyl Fold

this country is still worth fighting for

Hasan: The great irony is of course that Donald Trump is the son of an immigrant. The grandson of an immigrant and married to an immigrant. In fact two of his three wives were immigrants, proving yet again that immigrants will do the jobs that even Americans are not willing to do.

found the worst tailgate

"Cal Raleigh" is also an ACC rivarly now.

consider: ashton jeanty saying “football” over and over again

UNTIL IT’S DONE, Ep. 4: Sylvia Rivera In the 1970s, queer New Yorkers had been pushed to the margins of NYC. Our trans neighbors faced immense cruelty. But in Sylvia Rivera, they found a champion. As we combat Trump’s politics of darkness, her legacy can light the path forward.

genuinely think they are feeding him AI videos

Slipknot Travels To India To Begin Psychedelic, Free-Love Phase Of Career https://theonion.com/slipknot-travels-to-india-to-begin-psychedelic-free-love-phase-of-career/

They’re using American tax dollars to fund infrastructure in Argentina because that’s where they’re all going to flee when we kick them out of office

"Fuck ICE" is a patriotic sentiment. Perhaps the most patriotic in this moment.

“Terrible things are happening outside. Poor helpless people are being dragged out of their homes. Families are torn apart. Men, women, and children are separated. Children come home from school to find that their parents have disappeared.” Diary of Anne Frank January 13, 1943

Taylor loves including subtle, artfully-worded allusions to her personal life in her music, but sometimes listeners who aren’t steeped in her lifetime of lore—or who didn’t major in English!—might miss them. For example, these lyrics about Travis Kelce’s penis are secretly about Travis Kelce’s penis

Customer: BUSHCRAFT: THE ART OF BEEING KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT HOW TO USE MOTHER NATURE IN ONES ADVANTAGE WHILE IN THE OUTDOORS/BACKCOUNTRY. DMV: LOOKS LIKE BITCH CRAFT Verdict: DENIED

It is undeniable that this moment is being shaped by people who marinated for years in an informational environment where reality was not only demoted but actively disdained. It took a while for that bubble to become impermeable but it did and now we have a chunk of people who know nothing but.

the "who will the public blame for the shutdown?" handwringing is asinine. the vast majority of voters have no idea how government shutdowns work, and by the time midterms roll around they won't remember anything that didn't impact them directly

HEGSETH: *points to general's ribbon bars* "What'd you get that one for? Fucking your mother?" GENERAL: *sternly* killing vietnamese children

1. More Americans work at the Cheesecake Factory than in the entire coal industry, and that won't change. It's because of automation, not snooty libs. 2. Coal energy is now more expensive than wind and solar. 3. So this means: higher energy prices, more pollution, no jobs benefit. Genius!

sometimes i'll hear a song i really really like, find out it's a cover of a bob dylan song, then listen to the original and feel like i'm being pranked

Tylenol is about to be rich from the Fed govt after the ABSOLUTELY for certain lawsuit

the fact they're out here running "abigail spanberger will trans your kids" against one of the most conservative candidates out of the Democratic Party is a great example of why actually standing up for trans people, especially kids, is the only way to go

Yeah man we should really fight back by staying on X

That’s not how a Venn diagram works?

Dutch late night TV has its take

imagine joking “i wouldnt give speeches in utah right now”

We're 7 months in and Trump and the oligarchs have completely seized control of the media. If you criticize them, your show will be pulled from the air. This is what dictators do. Fascism isn't coming, it's here.

truly one of the most unintentionally funny things i've ever seen someone post online about themself

JD Vance is doing the Reichstag Fire the right way. by Ezra Klein

D and G and I don’t need anything else

Desperate Kash Patel Asks Shooter’s Family If They Can Solve Any Other Cases

"I just want to say, go birds, fuck ICE and free Palestine," "Hacks" star Hannah Einbinder at the #Emmys

no one will ride harder for you in an enthusiastic and information-free way than football players, the Pounceys had on "Free Hernandez" hats in public before they knew one thing about the situation

gavin newsom absolutely fuming that someone else said it first

Discovering computer as an adult makes you go crazy. Discovering computer as a baby makes you go crazy. In all of human history, there will only ever be one generation to discover computer at the correct age: 13

you could write an entire book about this post and I will for the right price

Kirk didn't serve in the military or hold office. The war hero treatment -- half-mast flags, military guard, Air Force Two escort, calls for a statue at the Capitol or to lie in the Rotunda -- shows that for MAGA, service to Trump has become the highest, most honorable form of service.

not going to lie, seeing the video of the shooting has screwed up my brain for several days and made it much harder to do normal things

“You’re a hero to millions, it’s an honor to be able to have you.” — Charlie Kirk to Kyle Rittenhouse [2021]

it really is astonishing how quickly it goes from “civil war” and “blood in the streets” to “wow guys it’s just a sad tragedy” when it becomes inconvenient

guys, we have a tone shift

Losing my goddamned mind. We can condemn political violence without valorizing a destructive, hateful bigot.

no offends if this is you but if you're thinking "this is going to make the right do fascism" they're already there. they blew up a boat with 11 people on it for being immigrants. they're kidnapping US citizens and trying to rendition them to Uganda. do you think we're on a trajectory to peace

It is possible to hold both of these things true at the same time: 1) political violence is never an appropriate choice in a civilized society 2) Charlie Kirk’s dream is to create exactly the kind of society he currently lives in, as spoken from his own mouth