Someone saw the pun chance and went for it. Respect.

OK JD but how do we get them off you exactly?

Woke up late for my Speed Awareness course, asked to find ID to join, couldn't find anything, rescheduled for tomorrow, went back to check the same drawer when a bit calmer, and hey presto, driving license and passport where I left them. Now I've got to drive to fucking Newstead tomorrow.

Tottenham's "new manager bounce" #NLD #COYS

@scottlynch78.bsky.social @ewacat.bsky.social, these two stories just happened to appear on my timeline together. Now all I can imagine is a certain, famously litigious, party sprinting is arse off outside a High Court.

Ten minutes later, police escorted Barry from the fruit and veg aisle in Asda.

Whoever said black cats aren't photogenic hasn't met Luna. #BlackCat #CatsofBluesky

Should we ask Dortmund if we can borrow a few of their players? #COYS #ucl

Robert Jenrick defecting to Reform.

breathtakingly embarrassing for absolutely everyone involved lol

They’re calling it the most divorced anyone has ever been

The absolute brass bollocks on any Tory defecting to Reform because "Britain is in decline" is astounding.

Xabi Alonso is now available, the guy that took Bayer Leverkusen through a whole season undefeated? To Spurs please. Don't let him ruin himself at United.

Trump's bombing of Syria is being codenamed "Operation Hawkeye Strike," which is unfortunate if you know tennis, because questioning if his actions are over the line is, well, it is what it is.

Fiancée: "Have you put foil3d the chicken?" Me: "yes, all it's plans have been scuppered." Fiancée: Still can't believe she's marrying me.

Here’s to 2026

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

Not much longer left of Christmas Day, but I hope that whatever you've been up to, whoever you've been with, or if you've just needed a break and been by yourself, I hope that it's been restful, happy, comfortable, and peaceful.

I lived with my brothers until I was 30ish, and never realised what level of psychopathy I was dealing with until lunchtime today. Mint jelly on a Christmas dinner.

Me: I don’t see the appeal of boxing TV: OK but what if it’s professional boxers savagely brutalizing influencers Me:

lol I have an explanation m8

Headloss FC. Honestly, I don't know what to say about that. Looked better with 9 than 11, Romero seemed to just want to watch the world burn, and the kicker is Liverpool weren't even *that* good.

it's not surprising that AI's big proponents are parasitic losers who have never had an original thought in their life

We're here so early. But managed to walk the concourses without getting overstimulated because we were pretty much the first ones in, the 'tism appreciates.

Forest v Spurs with the brother. Going to be sitting with the Forest fans, so will have to act like it's a disaster when we pump them.

A fun Christmas breakfast is Baileys poured over Ferrero Rocher. I call it Executive Coco Pops.

He's really diversified since Home Alone. #UCL

I get complimented on my phone voice a hell of a lot for someone who would gladly not speak to another soul unless I liked them enough. Customer service mode me is a different guy entirely.

My colleague today is not a fan of doing things when the weather is like this. Or ever, really.

Gmorn 🙂

Person who actually deserves a trophy is the artist who made the FIFA peace prize trophy look like everyone in the entire world holding their head in their hands out of secondhand embarrassment

Donald Trump watching the World Cup draw after receiving his "peace" prize.

Sure, because the problem isn't underfunding of mental health services or diagnostic access, it's pesky people actually realising they may need some additional support or an official diagnosis. In the bin with you.

Even ChatGPT would ask, "bro what the fuck?"

Once again, I am asking Spurs to stop being shit.

I found a flowchart which helps you navigate the IT landscape

with the holiday season now officially upon us, it's time to start playing our favorite christmas songs here's one of mine

TikTok just put a pop-up in my scrolling to ask if the last video I watched was worth my time. Bro, we both know that no video on TikTok is worth my time, it just distracts me from the radio static noise in my head when I'm not doing anything.

First Secretary of Defense you could defeat by painting a tunnel on the side of a boulder.

Well, that was shite. #NorthLondonDerby

After you help your boss convert a doc to PDF

"People's front of Judea" would work.

At the

"Southern Spear" sounds like an inadvisably large dildo.

Very much hoping that the email I just received regarding why I didn't pass probation at my last two jobs isn't contingent on my getting the job that has moved start dates, offered me the role, and is due to start on Wednesday. Because if they withdraw the offer I'm going to lose my shit.

"How's your brain doing today, Sam?" I hear you ask. Well, I got the fish fillets out of the freezer, put them on a baking tray, put them in the oven, set the timer, turned the dial to put the light on in there, left it, until my fiancée opened the oven and asked if I'd set a temperature.

did not expect the site of Thomas Beckett’s murder to be memorialized in a fashion that is quite so fucking metal

I'm so excited! Check out my first article for @thedailytism.com