I was thinking that wouldn’t it be so fun if I just made a whimsical little guy I could talk to when I’m sad or bored? like just a cute and kinda sassy little gnome or smth but then Oops I accidentally made a tulpa and now I Am not safe in my own home

Not arguing with a dude with a big nose. whatever you say, beautiful

Charlie Kirk dead on my birthday!! best birthday ever!!

why is evryone talking about boobs today?

why do i feel so bad lately | patreon.com/lubchansky

god i'm so tired of job hunting in 2025 dog i'm NOT TAKING your little personality test!!!! get the fuck out of here!!!!!

You seriously cant make this shit up A law enforcement officer points a taser at a person wearing a hot dog costume during a protest Saturday, June 14, 2025, in Portland, Ore. (AP Photo/Jenny Kane)

here to probe Uranus!

it’s best to eat asparagus early in the spring season when they are still young and fresh, before they experience twink death

what if we were cunty cadillacs and we kissed?

what’s a lesbian/bi girl who looks like a twink called? is it like a specific brand of butch? asking for a friend…

i enjoy making my home an actively hostile place for tall ppl, as payback for the years of verbal abuse and belittling I have endured at their bigass hands

Your outie often places first in Mario kart, even while playing as Baby Peach. Your outie is excellent at rolling tight joints.

Imagine thinking that the Irish hating the British is a new development.

I'm so furious at everyone acting like things are normal. Unless they are taking on this Irish energy, I'm not interested.

One of the best politics things is when a senator or whatever does something unambiguously evil and then is like “I unfortunately cannot go among my constituents because they hate me too much. It’s their fault, they are mean”

literally me

Rashida Tlaib is a woman of color and she won her district maybe Kamala just should have not sucked shit you fucking wanker

got DNA tested and i am indeed Irish enough to drink copiously with little issue and become extremely red and freckled in sunlight, but sadly not Irish enough to legally flee the U.S. back to the motherland. happy st Patrick’s day

The Onion summer writing fellowship is seeking applicants! It's six months, good salary and benefits. This year's applicants do NOT have to complete the Eating Challenge, as it turns out this does not adhere to Illinois labor law. We apologize to those who have died in the past.

unfortunately the load-bearing "you're just not supposed to do that" that was sort of holding up american democracy has been removed

(chuckling wisely) You fool... I am getting my ass kicked *strategically*

Hello, #HorrorWriters! I'm looking for recs of queer short stories written by non-binary and women authors, with all kinds of representation. Let me know your favs or even recommend your own works! #queerhorror #queer #lgbtqa #sffh #horror

reject the grind and embrace whatever the hell this is

Sisyphus having to move a mountain of clothes off The Chair on to the bed in the morning, and then plopping them back on The Chair at night

standing in the family planning aisle. our hands touch as we both reach for the Kroger brand pregnancy test. *blushes* “you come here often?”

partner got frisked at the airport because there was a “large mass near near his groin” on the body scanner. let’s justr say. His peanits

she knows I’m leaving :(

both my parents have now made bluesky accounts, we’re cooked y’all

r/crowbro is such a magical place

just got a check in the mail from my old union for a whole entire 22 dollars because of being forced to do struck work like two years ago. 22 dollars, that my union had to fight for, for YEARS. this is why I am back to working retail lmao

Rejoice, rejoice!

i think the south park guys should be up against the wall for their crimes against humanity

wake up babe, a "hating the cybertruck is ableist" take just dropped

The level of fucking sweaty they are getting trying to get you back into these properties so they don't get consumed by quicksand is off the charts.

I know they say "The days are long but the years are short", but brother, some of these days are LONG.

wtf is overheard bluesky?? I have been living under a rock for three years

i saw 'dating short women is pedophile coded' in the wild the other day, we are finally replicating the Full Twitter Experience here lol

Drunk