I said some disparaging things about a company named For Living, so I'm here to publicly say Sorry For Living.

Mark Zuckerberg is weird. He's probably a lizard.

Imagine spending $77 billion dollars in six years on a failed Temu Sims that no one wanted and have no immediate financial impact to your business model? Now imagine how much genuine help that could have provided for actual communities and real fucking people.

The “you’re required to carry ID already” people need to get a grip. You’re not. I leave the house without it all the time. I go for a run, walk to a coffee shop, or go to a park. There’s no federal “keys, phone, wallet, papers, please” law. Stop justifying a descent into fascism

The Mandalorian (in line at Costco): "This is the wait."

Early Dilbert comics were funny but also harmful to society because they turned us against the noble cubicle. Cubicles were civilization’s apex - a cloth box for everyone, millennia of progress ending in a private paradise cube - but Dilbert made them uncool and we’ve paid the price ever since

ruin a cartoon by changing one letter The Yoga Bear Show

ruin a cartoon by changing one letter The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Herpes

Hey PM Right Honourable @mark-carney.bsky.social, I have a Father-Son bowling trophy from a tournament my dad & I won when I was maybe 10. You're welcome to have it to give to Delicate Donnie if it'll help his hurt feelings, and stop him from being such a dick to us.

“Yes, you are correct, the people at work are plotting behind your back. But destroying them will be easy — especially in a fresh pair of Levi’s.”

I need a pair of light winter boots that are comfortable to wear, have great grip, and that aren’t expensive. They also need to be wide width and at least a size 10. Clearly that is too much to ask though, because I can’t find anything.

it's ALWAYS fugly white blokes "rounding up" and hurting other people. nobody ever "rounds up" the fucking numpty, bad-haircut, wankers and terrorises them. weak, insecure, pathetic, wee white men trying to oppress everyone else. there should be one label encompassing the lot—oh, yeah... nazis.

A serpent not wearing any clothes is snaked.

The last year has taught me that if Godzilla were real and stomping a city, a number of politicians would frequently go on the news explaining how Godzilla shouldn't even exist, and then some others would agree he was bad but he still has a right to be here.

Ruin a band by changing one letter Ded Leppard

Ruin a band by changing one letter The Dinks

So, is Google just not pushing a January 2026 Pixel security update, or.....?

Batshit theory: U.S. kidnaps Greenland, Denmark foreign officials; tries to ransom them for Greenland ownership.

Germany implies the existence of Gerfew.

Whoa, Librewolf update on day 1 of Firefox release! Good job to all involved! 👍🏆👏

Imagine a Dudes Rock version of a siren, a guyren. He lures men to their watery death not with seduction but the promise of getting up to goofy aquatic antics.

Finally had a real reason to do a total wipe format. The whole drive is now 0s.

TIL that a Sarcasm Metre is actually 105 cm in length, as opposed to a standard Metric Metre, which is 100 cm.

5 nights in 5 cities from one coast to the other, come celebrate the 20th anniversary of Chemical City with us. April 5th Halifax April 11 Toronto April 16 Vancouver April 18 Edmonton April 24 Montréal Tickets on sale Friday. Newsletter subscribers have first access to tickets tomorrow.

Someone put a chamomile teabag in the peppermint container, and now I'm stuck drinking tea that makes me wanna puke

Of course RFK Jr. & the Pedo-in-Chief are announcing they're in favour of pro-teen.

hot wine moms in your area have collectively burnt their mouths because they didn't allow their hot wine to cool sufficiently

It'd be an absolute shame if some punk or metal bands found out which hotels ICE stay in, and put together an impromptu marathon concert in front of them through the entire night.

January 9th, 2016, I woke up and told my wife about a disturbing dream I had where David Bowie had died. January 10th, 2016, I almost fell out of bed when the top story on the morning radio news was that David Bowie had died.

spending time wi' david "bowie" jones. ne'er brighter a star shone upon us. a wise, kind, brilliant man; he loved the moonlight. i think of him when i see it. we talked once about "the one that got away." his stories were always better than mine to me. but mine seemed better than his to him.

I can't join ICE because I'm not a piece of human dogshit.

:1,$s/Iranian/American/

North American Indigenous People enter the chat.

Fun fact, that quirky bespectacled Chik-fil-a executive they just had be quirky on a tv ad during the Chik-fil-a Bowl is working every fucking day to unperson 10% of the American population for loving the people they love.

Kristi Noem is short for Knavish Radical Inciting Savage Toxicity Illustrating NO EMpathy

Here's a little song I wrote called "The United States Has Gone Batshit Crazy, And Please Please Can The Fucking Adults Retake Control?". And a one, and a two..... 🎵

no, absolutely not, you all should've been nicer to my trans homies

preserving the exchange because it’s beautifully done, @danielsuitor.com 🤌

There is no Department of Colorectal Health that offers free door-to-door exams. I know this now.

Wild innit?

Unless you frequently use the back door of the Paris Hilton, you wanna avoid these fuckers. Hilton includes Doubletree, Hampton Inn, Embassy Suites and so many others that it’s probably best to ask your hotel if they are part of Hilton. If so, cancel your reservation and steal ALL their towels.

BREAKING: Trump, Maduro to face each-other in a historic "I quit" match at WrestleMania 42. More to come.....

Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland don't like scorpions because they Sting.

Peanut butter & door jam sandwich

Everything went wrong when we let video stores die off.

Fucking disgusted with my country.

#Venezuela #DV1 #ProudBlue He said he will ‘RUN’ Venezuela, he can’t even take care of starving children

Canada and Denmark should begin getting ready to defend themselves. Serious efforts to fend off a US attack should be put in place.

I've said a metric shit tonne of negative things about America's Rat-Bastard-in-Chief. Should I now worry that U.S. forces will kidnap me in the middle of the night and put me on trial in Washington?

Starting a new page where I give Fatherly advice but with sarcastic undertones like I can’t believe how stupid you are.