After spilling coffee on my blanket this afternoon, my roommate joked that my cat will puke on it to spite me with another mess. Five hours later, the cat jumped onto my computer desk, turned around, and vomited with no wind-up onto my lap.

I'm gonna become the first guy to walk out of family court sentenced to death

Take me down to the Parallax city where the far moves slow and the near moves quickly

A high-ranking coworker admitted in a meeting to just asking ChatGPT to research and sort out technical specifications for everything we were discussing, so as the note taker I had to include a bullet point saying "this might be hallucinated information so additional confirmation is required"

Living in the trump era makes me feel very connected to my ancestors, who lived as serfs under a succession of insane moron god kings

The "ICE just booked 100 hotel rooms in Milwaukee!" thing is going around again. Remember:

*Aqualung riff*

I love how X-Ray Arcade was, at one point, a bucket list venue for me. Now we're playing there three times in the span of two months (one of which is unannounced, shhh 🤭)

this is genuinely incredible

Some ICE vehicles got taken and a streamer is saying that the entire MPLS city wide battle plan, operational overviews, tactical details and agent lists + id info just got found in the car lmao these clowns driving around with hatchbacks full of their whole shit like the villains in an immersive sim

Scott Adams dying at 68 rather than 69 is the perfect capstone to a life of being almost — but not quite — funny

legend tells of a fifth loko

Listened to the Grateful Dead for the first time today and felt whiplash at how almost immediately I was greeted with pedophilic lyrics

Trump looking at the stock market tomorrow morning

Looks like I'm finally at that age where I have to question whether or not my tummy is upset with me solely because of the excessive amounts of cheese I consume or if I'm finally becoming lactose intolerant

I must be a masochist because it's looking likely that we will actually have *four* shows in March 🤪

A friend from out of town filled in on bass for two songs during @sociallysuspect.bsky.social's set tonight, so I thought it would be funny to stand around eating cauliflower while she played I walked off into the audience and ended up hand-feeding at least 8 people who asked me to share lmao

My band interviewed with a local music publication tonight and I got to tell the host that we only exist because a visual novel inspired me to start it lmao

A touching tribute to Mike F

alien vs predator vs scott pilgrim vs the world

Why do the beastie boys have this 9 second pause after saying no sleep til as if we're in suspense over the answer and they didnt spoil it in the song title. Very pedestrian storytelling. Really embarrassing stuff.

You best believe I'm hitting those last-minute KPIs (key piss indicators)

Strip mall chile rellanos are low-key goated when dogshit is the vibe

Picked up a slice-of-life manga on a whim, fully expecting a somewhat mindless but endearing read. Instead, it left me existentially evaluating myself in regards to interpersonal conflict and my reluctance to actually commute with people whenever issues arise 🫣

Mass Effect style dialogue wheel except the only dialogue options ever offered are "No, yeah, for sure." and "Damn, that's crazy"

It's wild seeing how much my social anxiety inexplicably nerfed itself this year. Of course I still get the occasional bad episode of it, but it's been freeing to not care about looking like a total loser while playing my Steam Deck alone in the corner of a cafe (among other examples).

What's the equivalent of a weeaboo but for Mexican culture?

For about ten years I've thought about what a Tom Waits TV Christmas special produced in the early 80s would have been like. It's almost real to me. The set is a Depression-era shack he built and a stream of celebrity hobos keep knocking on the door and Tom goes "I wOnDEr WHo tHaT cOuLd bE"

Jesus, can you hear me? Good, the comms are working. Now, you're gonna need to run if you want to evade those Roman soldiers. Hold down A to sprint. Go ahead and try it. ... Good work! You just might be the savior yet. Now pick up that AR-15 and let's do some target practice.

CHOTINER: and when you're in water you PARTICLE MAN: don't get wet, that's right. CHOTINER: And this is because PARTICLE MAN: the water gets me instead. It becomes particle-manish CHOTINER: There's been some debate on this point. Triangle Man, for example PARTICLE MAN: I think we're done here

AD-ROCK: Yo Ebenezer you gotta show re- BEASTIES: MORSE AD-ROCK: Redemption is not a mere matter of Beasties: COURSE MIKE D: We’ll show you Bob Cratchit’s not a lazy BEASTIES: MOOCHER MCA: We’re Christmas Past MIKE D: Christmas Present BEASTIES: AND CHRISTMAS FUTURE

Your power bill has tripled and you can't afford new PC parts just to create this.

Horrible, bleak things happening in the world of office-provided coffee Free coffee is free coffee so I don't wanna complain too much, but wow this stuff is revolting

Aalto

Cat with a brown note meow

dreamed i won a salad making competition by googling "hitler's favorite salads" finding a listicle of hitler's 20 favorite salads and letting the judges know my opponent had made hitler's 17th favorite salad

I suffer from insomnia and therefore have a really hard time relating to people when they complain about getting "only" six hours of sleep. That's like, twice the amount of hours I usually get on any given night...

Hey I just mashed you and this is gravy

Five Nights at Freddy Got Fingered

Yeah, I'm trans... I'm *trans*porting 6-12 ice-cold beers into my body 🍻

look, I'm sorry I ate your wife's pussy, but in my defense there's no ethical consumption under capitalism

If you're in the upper echelon of people named Craig, does that make you the Craig de la Craig?

Last year I spent 40+ hours learning how to mod the grinch into bonelabs so I could do this

Just took one of my roommate's estrogen pills—as a joke of course! Surely there are no deeper implications that can be deferred from the fact that I didn't decline the offer! Haha...

(My bloodied pokemon limping back to me, arm blown off) That dragon beast just summoned a meteor from the ether and it hit me with a fiery explosion Me: (10 years old and rummaging through my bag) Dou you want a Lemonade ,