Just remembered that the community music + art project I coordinated with nearly 30 people has been held up for over a year lmfao. Would love for this thing to finally come out, but I doubt anyone involved even remembers it anymore.

guy who does chirpy nintendo direct english dub voice "so, what'd you think?" immediately after sex

I never have a good answer for that whole "what's one big thing you'd buy if you had a billion dollars" and I finally figured it out. I'd buy this and make sure no one ever has to listen to it again. I'd sue any radio station that played their music. I'd sue every jukebox company.

Feeling like a woman the way this doctor completely dismissed my concerns and thought I was a dipshit

I’m on that shit jehova hasn’t even witnessed

Breaking: Tennessee Republicans pass new 9-0 gerrymander after SCOTUS destruction of Voting Rights Act eliminating state’s only majority-Black district & last Democratic seat. Splits Memphis, which is 63% Black, into 3 districts to disenfranchise Black voters. Quite literally a return to Jim Crow

Hacking into the mainframe via the Ziosk I stole from Chili's

remember that funny grape we all loved so many years ago? this is her now. feel old yet???

"The spaghetti policy is real, and it is good." @bertlauderdale.bsky.social

cut my life into pieces i came inside my jorts

not sure why people have such a hard time abandoning problematic creators. I already hate half the shit I like

Chud is an S-tier insult

He got 2 BILLION from this one speech 😱😱😱

dumbass finger slipped got me typing "jimy" like a dipshit

it's cool that the one thing both of them agree on is that transgender people should be denied healthcare. both those ghouls can go to hell

Walked into a new coffee shop and noticed they sold wellness products and "collagen lattes." My immediate reaction was, "I'm about to get fleeced so hard right now."

One of the few things I took from my dad's apartment after he passed was a 1/3 bottle of Irish whiskey that I forgot existed until now. Except I now see someone drank it all and left the empty bottle behind. That's a gut punch I wasn't expecting.

"hear me out" sorry, no. I will not. My heart is closed to whatever sinful lust you are peddling. The only thing I am "hearing out" is the choir at mass today. my only "would" I know of is the wood of the cross christ was crucified upon

If we get hit by a tornado as forecasted then I don't have to go to work, so is it really that bad?

They're talking mad shit about you on Wikifeet

"I'm like Reverse Popeye. Where his body turns spinach into muscle, mine turns it into kidney stones." —Coworker

r/relationships: I [26m] just caught my girlfriend [20f] lying to the IRS saying she’s ‘single’ on her tax form. Should I be concerned? Top Comment: u/FoghornLeghorn365 Boy shut the, I say, shut the fuck up

"Ever since I was a young they, I knew I wanted to get into the band t-shirt industry." —Nat from @breakuptour.bsky.social, paraphrased

MELANIA: You want me. Out of nowheres. To remind every one. Of my best friend, and child sex monster. Jeffrey Epstein?? (squints evilly) NATHAN FIELDER: (voice over) The First Lady loved my idea.

Made a potentially Very Stupid Purchase for a Switch 2 before they inevitably jack up the prices and am currently in disbelief while witnessing Pokemon Violet run at more than 15 fps

when you're not a morning person but you get a morning person job, everyone tells you you'll get used to waking up early but i'm here to tell you that's a fat fucking lie

Everyone who drives faster than me is a jackass. Additionally, everyone who drives slower than me is a jackass. I am the main character of the road.

I wish it was less socially unacceptable for masc-presenting people to cuddle with friends because, much to everyone's surprise, 12 years of touch starvation is quite unsatisfactory.

The hack writers for the Bible really cheapened Christ's death by bringing him back two episodes later

eating pussy with chopsticks

that's ok. rabies is one of those mild diseases you get once and then get immune from for life right

The Supreme Court did not strike down conversion therapy bans today. Not nationwide. Not in Colorado. Not anywhere. Here's what actually happened in Chiles v. Salazar—and why the coverage you're seeing serves the conservative legal movement more than it serves you.

Already annoyed that American Airlines put me on a bus instead of a puddle jumper, I audibly groan when the driver walks on and its fucking Ms Frizzle again and I start texting clients, "may be late. About to get stuck in Carlos's aorta."

Gamefreak hates me for this one simple trick (used PKSM data editor on a modded 3DS to copy Pokemon data from HeartGold directly into X instead of having to replay and beat White just to transfer up one gen at a time)

Sir Evans, While you do suggest that this mac and cheese you have so expertly prepared serves 2-3 people, I believe you have massively underestimated the type of fatass you are dealing with in this very moment. Have at thee

Drunk guy at the brewery "complimented" my sweater by calling it "Cosby-esque." I guess I'm burning this fucking sweater lmao.

Hooked on Phonics for Business Lingo

[smiling as I add carrots, celery, and onions to my soup] ah, the holy trinity [a cloud crosses my face when I drop a bay leaf into the pot] …and the sin eater

Hitting on a subby Marxist like "Call me capitalism the way you're going to labor under me."

I learned more about interstate power grids this weekend than I ever should have throughout my entire life

Everyone's panties immediately soak when I pull out my Chili's Platinum Rewards card

The 4D Cuck Chair Experience

For the record, the Nazis are spreading terms like “zio” and “zog” into leftist spaces intentionally as an on-ramp to fascism. This is what cryptofascism means. They explicitly talk about doing this on their forums and telegram channels. You’re being played.

dawg I am fucking SEETHING about the miscommunication involved with this fill-in gig

Nicole “Kid” “Man”? what’s next, Nicole Babyadult? cmon!!

The formatting of this Beckett quote does still represent resilience and determination, just of a very different sort.

guy who does buddhism slightly wrong and ends up in nevada after he dies