ROBOT: You cannot defeat us. ENGLISH TEACHER: Why's the ch pronounced differently in orchid than in orchard? ROBOT: [twitch, spark]

I had a joke yesterday about a shrinking economy, but couldn't quite dial it in.

enjoy being whilst becoming

Be excellent and chill, dudes

I have reported every DHS ad i see on LinkedIn begging people to Join ICE! as “promoting terrorism” I hope it works

Throw some green onions in there.. music.youtube.com/watch?v=9aiV...

Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?

Of all the trains in all the world, you're driving THAT train, high on cocaine??? 🤔 🚂🚃🚃🚃🚎🚃🚃🚃

Time line cleanse 💫🍂💞

Festive.... habaneros!

Old barn and pasture. JTN Preserve. Cherokee Nation. OK. #LandscapePhotography #FallColor25 #CherokeeNation

[wakes from a coma to see everyone wearing flares, travelling on roller skates and listening to the Bee Gees] Omg, the future is discopian!

Not quite Quarter waxing Moon, possibly Mars to the lower right

This woman deserves an award! substack.com/@thedangerou...

You're the fucking mayor, Charlie Brown.

This is not Nam, this is bowling. There are rules, Charlie Brown

Humans are about 10 million times larger than viruses, yet they kill us regularly. We can’t see them. We can’t outrun them. We can’t destroy them with our guns. And yet we continue to disrespect them. Vaccinate.

60 Minutes is showing war crime rocketry by Russia targeting a Ukrainian civilian bus while the idiot-in-chief wants to sell them out.

The moment when Democrats delivered healthcare to more than 30 Million additional American citizens. Healthcare is a human right.

Jon Stewart and I agree: AI must work for everybody, not just a handful of billionaires.

Since I am the pristine consciousness of direct perception, I cannot be discovered through an intellectual search. I am also not an object that can be seen by everyone. Nevertheless, as I pervade all samsara and nirvana, I am not nonexistent. ~ Buddhahood in This Life

If I spontaneously combust tonight, please know it was to avoid going to my job tomorrow and I died doing what I loved: not working.

Holy Mackanolie, if Joshua Bell & crew can't get your motor started on a Monday idk, ijdk www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rN4...

m.imdb.com/title/tt0104... Marisa Tomei's attitude on the stand when Vinny calls her is priceless.

Jack, you are going to spent 1 trillion dollars on bills between now and two thousand thirty seven. Would you like to hear a joke about Harry Potter?

All of our possessions are ultimately worthless; sharing with others we lose nothing but gain a true treasure, practicing #generosity.

Sorry, Carol. But you are on the verge of heat exhaustion. And that's the opinion of every doctor on Earth -line from Pluribus, Ep 02

no one except the victims deserve protection. no one.

From green to cup, roasting a pound of Colombian in the Behmor.

Beautiful!

me, as a therapist: omg samesies

雪が来た

Good, now let’s remove them from America’s public and put them behind bars

Why isn’t this all over the news? Big moment on CNN with Jake Tapper the NLRB whistleblower just dropped serious allegations about a DODGE Russia information breach. This is a serious national security threat! #NLRB #Whistleblower #Russia #CNN #JakeTapper #USDemocracy #Pinks

I'm just going to start calling them th Supremacist Court until they prove otherwise

Let this sink in. The President of the United States is now appealing a court order forcing him to feed starving children.

Probably the most badass thing I've ever seen! AZ Rep Yassamin Ansari has set up a table outside of Mike Johnson’s offical Speaker Of The House office with a "Mike Johnson is using the government shutdown to cover up the Epstein Files - Change My Mind" sign!! 😆

BREAKING EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT: Lunch for jurors in the “sandwich guy” trial are a variety of sandwiches, according to a source familiar with lunch.

Tommy Tubberville is at it again...That guy is pissing off the wrong Americans!! We stand with our Veterans ❤️🤍💙

6th?

Zohran wins! As a Muslim immigrant, this moment hits deep. A proud day for New York & for everyone who believes in what America can be. His victory isn’t just political; it’s historic. Now begins the real test: turning hope into action and making the greatest city truly great. Wishing him success 🇺🇸

yes ha ha neighbors!

This is the president of the United States taking a break from gold-and-marble interior renovations to say he’ll defy a court order to feed hungry Americans. Nero would be proud.

If I’m the defense attorney I’m damn sure eating a Subway while delivering the closing argument