Low-grade fever: Eat a McFlurry in an ice bath full of bleach. Cramps: Try not complaining. Men get cramps, too, you know. Lightning crotch: Exorcism. www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...

Plagued by this crushing pit in my heart that if my children experience a school shooting then I will have no one to blame but myself, as their parent, for staying in this fucking country.

I spy my friend Stephen Towns!!

cheekfaceeeeeeeee

@osullyville.bsky.social The latest episode of The Outfit got me brainstorming the cast of the Ken Eto film, which got me realizing I am ignorant to many Japanese American actors. Somehow can't picture George Takei as the retired Eto drinking Dunkin in the Atlanta suburbs.

magician opening his shirt "Are these your nipples" and they are

My 5.5 year old made this hat for the @cheekface.bsky.social show tomorrow night. "LET'SROCK..." with a rock falling from the sky. Stay tuned to find out if I will regret bringing a child to an indie rock concert.

Every Saturday with my kids is a Calamitous ORTBO

I don’t understand. I keep posting insightful takes on the world’s problems but it hasn’t magically fixed everything

More surprising, I think the reggae one is my favorite track, haha!

Cheekface was right. It is a rude world. Can't say I had Cheekface reggae tracks on my 2025 bingo card but you know I support them 100% no matter what!

Recs on who to follow on this app? I need a little more joy and silliness interspersed with the fucking DOOM, otherwise this place is untenable.

You heard the sticker

chaotic good

What kind of brand name is this for kids snacks?

Thank you Sharon McMahon for the breakdown. This is not ok, people.

Cheekface was right. Fuck all the transphobes.

The overwhelming urge to buzz your undercut after spending two full years trying to grow out your undercut.

“We must end gender ideology,” say the people who believe that heterosexuality should be enforced with state violence and that women should have the legal status of permanent children.

🧩 Who Said It; The President of the US, or my 5 Year Old? Day 7. “In life you have to rely on the past, and that’s called history.” Who said it?

Ugh it’s raining in Illinois. Must be because of DEI.

Sorry I'm just in a really bad place right now (United States)

Media : why were people cheering for Luigi People :

Cheekface was right. Life really is long like a CVS receipt.

Abolish ice

When I start a new job I usually don’t defund Medicaid in the first week. I get my work computer set up and try to find some good lunch places near the office

I love this so much #severance

Cheekface were right: “no”

It's always deeply appreciated when you see something that makes you think, "I've genuinely never seen anything that even reminds me of this." youtu.be/vDxYQd51Xuk?...

How many wheels of Brie = 1 serving

Since very few good things happen in this world anymore, I'll share... Wordle 1,318 2/6 ⬜⬜⬜🟨⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

This is perfect explanation

I’ve been coming up with a list of male hobbies that are harmful to society and what I deem to be their acceptable, well-adjusted replacements. I think I’m onto something here…

One of the greatest joys of parenting is making up goofy ass songs for everything. Just burst into a song about getting out of the bath to the tune of Harry Belafonte's 'Banana Boat.' Rhymes aren't there yet, still workshopping. Stay tuned.

Dangers of using your mud room as a secondary refrigerator when it's -14 degrees.

I really hate you, Mr. Beast Lab.

Do you ever feel like a pervert when you're trying to turn on a lamp you've never used before?

I need a giant fucking Snickers bar full of ice cream.

nothing in my adult life is more disappointing than the fact that trains never have legit cabooses

I have a skate bro friend (acquaintance). Last time I saw him, he asked about my kids and if he could see a picture. He grabbed his heart and said "That's sick. Sick family, bro." He was truly sincere. I think about it all the time for some reason.

People who know me know that I know the world is extremely ducked up right now. So please bear with me over the next few days as I ignore current events to populate this butterfly app with miscellany just to see what happens to my algorithm and how this thing even works. TIA to my 6 followers.

Mount Denali forever, indigenous sovereignty forever, land back forever

yes next question

This is my first post on Bluesky. Hope I don't blow it.