The Rose Garden? Ohh you mean 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓡𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓖𝓪𝓻𝓭𝓮𝓷

nobody warned me growing up just how hard it would be to find the perfect bucket and mop

Ah yes my favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus said “shoot thy neighbor in the face” ❤️

I’ve had more threatening encounters than that while walking through the Trader Joe’s parking lot and somehow I managed to survive without shooting the driver repeatedly in the face

why is the vibe in modern dessert stores always so harsh and sanitized…I just wanna sit comfortably in a cozy spot eating a sundae, not propped up on a tiny stool at a white marble table underneath 8000K flood lights with Dance Monkey playing way too loud in the background

I just got an AI generated TikTok ad for strip steaks being sold on Temu and I’m scared

so I’m learning that all of the rich and powerful men who control the world apparently send emails exclusively from their iPads and communicate only in cryptic sentence fragments and unfunny one-liners

so if the penny is gone are stores gonna stop pricing everything ending with .99

I hate gay Halloween what do you mean you’re a reenactment of Marina Abramović’s controversial 1974 performance art piece “Rhythm 0”

am i having a stroke

reviewing the *official* 2025 Tr*mp Halloween collection 💀

what if the government never reopens lol

sweeping cat litter off the floor

my thoughts about the flotilla which is probably the most important thing we all need to pay attention to rn

kind of insane that republicans are so determined to make health insurance as expensive as possible that the government shut down over it

I think when the government shuts down we should all get the right to commit one misdemeanor of our choosing :)

whoever is playing the distant 80s sax tunes in the background of this entire new doja cat album…I hope ur having an amazing day

can someone keep my tamagotchi alive if I get raptured

rules for the rapture 🔥

ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD STAT!!!!!!!!! RIGHT NOW THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’1

this is where you can find me

making ceramic ring holders 💍

is this melania or some kind of ancient demon haunting donald trump

reviewing pumpkin spice products that need to be stopped 🎃

who the fuck ordered the pumpkin spice iphone

it’s kinda awesome that there’s an animal where when it gets mad it just fucking sticks a needle in you

this year’s song of the summer is Ambient White Noise For Sleep (10 hrs)

chatgpt is cool and all but nothing will ever beat the euphoric experience of finding someone on yahoo answers asking for advice on your exact same, extremely niche situation

Taylor Swift engaged, pumpkin spice latte season begins, trump’s hand is falling off….

should I go all in on the halloween decor review videos this year 👀

reviewing the cracker barrel rebrand ⭐️

every cracker barrel should hire an old white man to sit outside and indiscriminately scream slurs at every patron who enters the building

TRANSGENDER FOR EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY TRANSGENDER!

reviewing unhinged tr*mp merch from his *official* store 😳

making spoon rests 🥄

trump’s official merch store is taking a strangely erotic turn

bring back real men! put on the wigs!

“men used to go to war” ok and men used to put on powdered wigs and stockings to drink wine with their buddies so

reject modernity (labubu) embrace tradition (uglydolls)

I have no thoughts today just Addison

Elon Musk: the president is a pedophile! also Elon: who I elected into office and kept in the presence of my four year old child!

why is she here

adult life is just a neverending cycle of buying more salsa because you have leftover chips and then buying more chips because you have leftover salsa

So does Jubilee whack their participants in the head with a baseball bat and inject them with steroids before every video or do these people actually think this way

people who try to charge full price for their used furniture on facebook marketplace are a threat to soul of humanity and should be excommunicated from civil society

the rapture will now be held at the Chicago Bean

midwestern pope like p’ope let me scoot right past ya

do u guys think all the popes are gossiping about each other at their sleepover rn 👀

I’m not even catholic and I’m dyingggg to know what the popes are doing in there like omg the drama

omg so basically the cardinals are all having a big sleepover