🧵 a friend sent me this earlier saying it made her brain itch, because edward/jacob are from the same book but xaden/(dain) and rhys/(tamlin) are from different books

i am incredibly over 30 and i know zero things about life bc i am a very young baby, next question

Overheard in the music section of a Barnes and Noble: “I’ve had it with this bebop horseshit” and I respect you, time traveling jazz purist from the 1940s.

the internet lied to me again. i thought yall said babygirl was a sexy movie.

sometimes i think of that time my friend sent me a screenshot that said "do you really love the found family trope, or is it just life altering to you that maybe someone would choose to show up for you without being obligated" and i sobbed for a day and a half

completely straight women don't make any sense to me. like have you SEEN other women?? you're telling me you really don't even wanna makeout a little? idk babe it kinda sounds like you're letting the patriarchy win, but whatevs i guess

i love it when everybody in the book is bisexual. it's so cozy 🥰

wait a minute. I KNOW THAT SONG.

not to get political but i could really use a nap rn

Who up parumpin they pumpum?

*posts 36 times in an hour then disappears for a month

"saying 'i love you' first gives the other person too much power" um no, sorry. unfortunately, nobody gets to be in charge of me talking

I'm not here for your entertainment. Wait. That's exactly why I'm here. Carry on.

Let people know how much you hate them this Christmas

🎶 WAKE UP IN THE MORNIN feelin like- Depressed™️

I think I should win the lottery

literally living my dreams (the trick is just make up really weird dreams)

every time i see your face my heart smiles and says "i love you"

um i pronounce it like "ten hundred" and none of you can stop me

how it started // how it's going:

i could never be polyamorous not for like, moral reasons or anything... it's just that i don't like ensemble casts

Bathrobes are super weird. I’m going to get one.

What a time to barely be alive

oh boy i hope i get an absurd amount of birds and service workers for christmas

playing bernie sanders at christmastime & redistributing the wealth (kids put all the ornaments on 1% of the branches)

Got kicked out of the Cajun restaurant for saying, "What's all the gumbo mumbo jumbo," too many times.

it's not a purse. it's an ACTION FIGURE.

hockey romance is inherently cringe. because they insist on making the same exact puns over and over. I GET IT U GUYS: PUCK AND FUCK RHYME. THANK YOU.

We have toxic bosses, toxic friends and family, toxic politicians, toxic food and water and even the air is toxic... so go ahead and eat those carbs

jumping into an echo chamber with a welder so i can seal myself in

sorry i checked the stars and they said ur annoying :/

astrology's fake pass it on

the two Libra moods ♎️ i need to understand other people ♎️ why tf does no one try to understand me

the two virgo moods ♍️ everyone is too good for me ♍️ i am too good for everyone

the two aquarius moods ♒️ we should all try to be kinder ♒️ why tf is everyone so stupid

saying "classified" anytime i don't want to answer a question. "are you okay?" classified. "why are there six jars of half eaten peanut butter in the fridge?" classified. "where were you on the night of the main street peanut butter thefts?" classified.

Friends, if you stay with me I invite you to drive with me to finger the Pacific Ocean

I'm halfway through this book and I'm bored. someone had better further the plot by getting murdered, and soon

ooh look, a plot device 😍

Alright I just saw Saw X with @emasinmoney.bsky.social and we agree it is definitely the most poignant of the franchise and teaches the best lesson of all - that friendship is magic and you need longer than three minutes to cut off your own leg

Since BlueSky is still pretty small and slow sometimes, they should assign us all side quests to fill time.

I mean, who among us hasn’t had to navigate the challenges of being in a committed, loving, polyamorous relationship with four hunky male bear shape shifters while holding down a full time career?

Anyone want to get a little high and experiment with alchemy?

Teacher: this is an E Kid: what if it’s an F behind an L Teacher: no it's just an E Kid: how can u be sure [3 am] Teacher: *wide awake* how can u be sure

Terminally online Conservatives are only mad at Hunter Biden because he’s out here actually doing the things they think are cool like owning guns and lying to the feds and using your dad to get a job.