Every ocean disaster story is either "they did everything right and planned perfectly then 1800 one in a million things lined up in a row to kill them" or "they rowed out 4 miles into a category 2 hurricane in a rubber dinghy with no life vests while drinking brandy from the bottle and drowned"

Went looking for Everlong covers and Rick Astley covered it 5 years ago!

We secretly replaced both teams offensive lines with six randomly selected third graders. Let's see if they notice

I'm sorry the guy changing the rules on the fly is named what

production of The Muppet Show should not be dependent on petty vulgarities like “ratings” or “revenue.” it should be preserved as a vital function of american culture. it should have a taxpayer-funded budget rivaling the CIA

okay I am going to stop clowning on Drake

advice for programmers about colors

you really expect me to believe the titular "animal planet" the television channel was created to document has been earth all along? nice try but not falling for it

lol en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hegeloc...

imagine being the guy who accidentally said "weasel" at a weird time 2400 years ago

Started playing Tears of the Kingdom because I got it for Christmas and man I’m so behind on all the memes. Also, so… am I imagining things that the game camera dwelled pretty heavily on Purah and there were soft strings in the background?

I bet if we all added some preservative to our hummingbird nectar to keep it from molding, Anna's hummingbirds would evolve to tolerate it almost immediately. www.science.org/content/arti...

“The Germans have a word for that” bro they just shoved two preexisting words together to make a new word. We can do that too. Don’t be Deutschdazzled.

i just got a new job at Bluesky Inc. where my job is i'm the person who decides if your links embed successfully on Discord or not. on a good day i spend about 7.5 hours on the toilet

stepped outside for a vibe check and saw a beast fuckin hauling ass towards Bethlehem

#TTRPGNight “Do I get advantage on pistol-whipping my dad?”

This is how they played The First of Us

Tried to say “ahoge” and accidentally said “ahegao” instead

I’m Officially Old now

Hey hey it’s my birthday

you shouldn’t be allowed to put this kind of thing on the timeline without a content warning for anyone who broke up between 2005-2008

I used to manage wine programs for movie theaters and I am in the extremely unique position to say with professional certainty that the answer here is a crisp Albariño.

Was talking to a kid and she’d never heard of cooties. What a lucky generation. All those cooties shots worked.

oh I remember the review of this www.alcoholprofessor.com/blog-posts/e...

Merry Christmas! 🎄

I just saw a bright red Cybertruck Santa’s new sleigh

steam sale haul

Asking for directions🚀🌠

My birthday is next week!

Welcome to 60 Minutes. Our top story tonight is Snakes: Nature’s Spaghetti

SEASON'S GREASONS

Headache so bad it almost feels transcendent

watching this in public was a huge mistake, oh my god. the fact he's still eating like he isn't being violently thrown around is killing me.

every sports broadcaster: a 44-year-old, a philip rivers, a man who sees the grim reaper nigh, will play quarterback for the indianapolis colts this weekend, and he will clearly die due to his ancient bones and heart me, a 40-year-old: hey man what the fuck

if my arch nemesis was building a fortified lair deep within an active volcano i'd just stand back and let it happen. hope you got a good HVAC guy my man

I can't know, but one suspects, given Games Workshop's business model, that they were originally - in the real world - named for the fact that their color is lapis-blue a color also known as...ultramarine. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultrama...

Realized I knew 2 people with vitiligo growing up, it’s just that they were white so it mostly expressed itself as patches of white/gray hair.

Gonna get an AI to make Cartman singing “Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard” because I refuse to subject a human filker to that

I love a well-drawn guitar and that is an absolutely gorgeous P-bass

did it in four words hemmingway

i disagree with quentin tarantino's opinion of paul dano but i cant lie i absolutely love that he is just out here talking shit for no reason and i would never want to discourage other famous people from doing the same

Currently trying to determine how much lactase I need to take in order to drink “old fashioned” egg nog

Discovered that casting a function pointer to an integer is not a constant expression in C, ARGH

he had that shit on

It’s that time of year again!

Doctor says, 'Dont worry, parser design is simple. Great programmer Kate Compton has written the parser you seek’

mistakes were made 💀