BBC *finally* report on the dozens of Iranian schoolgirls killed — about 32h later.

Going for dinner but I already ✨️ate✨️

I think about this tweet every time I feel something online start to curl its annoying little grip into my head

These thieves keep stealing blueprints from my theft empire!

Pretty amazing that comms person at FBI called my @ms.now colleague @kendilanian-nbc.bsky.social a liar and demand a correction only for Kash to post a photo from the locker room

If it wasn't Michael B Jordan, I'm so glad it was Robert Aramayo.

Did the award presenters even rehearse the script? Timings are offffff #Baftas

I knew I was right in not feeling happy for their win. I just knew some shit like this would happen.

Are the writers American? The jokes are not landing. #Baftas

There were more viewers of the curling last night than Britain’s Got Talent.

am i crazy or is this just cunty peter griffin

Alan Cumming is such a tonic. God, I'm old. Who says "tonic" #Baftas

"Drop on the deck and flop like a fish, motherfucker."

Happy birthday to this young man, and really to us all

King Charles has issued a statement following his brother Andrew’s arrest

I spent my childhood inside of American concentration camps. I know one when I see one. And that is what ICE is building.

If he’s on to you, you’re FINISHED

The best part of Wuthering Heights was when Jacob Elordi said "IT'S WUTHERING TIME" and wuthered all over those guys

a neighbor set up this werewolf for halloween and instead of taking it down they just update it with seasonal outfit changes. now it’s dressed for valentine’s day and holding a sign with a picture of bad bunny and his super bowl slogan. i love him.

There's no such this as an underage woman

sorry the what now

There's no patriot like a Monaco-based patriot.

"A modern-day concentration camp ... People have been killed by the staff here." Irish citizen Seamus Culleton has been in ICE detention since September, despite having a valid work permit and his own business in the US.

*Green card application in process and work permit, married to US citizen *Lived in US for 20 years, no criminal record *In detention for five months with no charge, despite judge approving release *He disputes ICE claim that he signed forms agreeing to deportation

it will really be something if the Epstein Files unseat a British Prime Minster who isn't in them, and not the American President who was Epstein's best friend.

It’s only living vicariously by seeing all the pics of your cats and dogs that keeps the cheese from finally sliding off of my cracker.

Once again, it turns out “fully autonomous” means “a guy in the Philippines.”

I'm sat next to 2 teenage girls at a bus stop and witnessing them discover empathy for their parents in real time. Their male equalivalents will get there in 10-15 years

Get Palantir out of the UK. Protect our NHS. Protect our country. www.thenational.scot/news/2582860...

The GOP has offered nothing this century except for catastrophic wars. No healthcare plan; no re-industrialization. Now they're losing their only issue, immigration, as people see the violence and havoc that comes with mass deportations.

A publisher who lays off a reporter whose pen is freezing because she's covering a frigid war zone while dodging missiles is not an editor you want to work for, in a more perfect world

Went to a quiz night tonight and guess what... we won!

Bannon and Epstein making holocaust jokes. www.justice.gov/epstein/file...

Steve Bannon and Epstein talk about Farage and infiltrating EU Parliament - all to stop crypto money legislation. www.justice.gov/epstein/file...

This is preying on my mind a bit. Jeffrey Epstein was not primarily a British scandal! So far we've removed a Prince from the Royal family, fired our US ambassador who was one of the most important political figures of the last few decades and banned the CEO of Barclays from the financial industry..

Farage: west report Mandelson to the police! Also Farage: getting a boner about being mention in epstein emails, and would give his right arm to have been introduced to him. Farage is jealous of Mandelson

exactly. this is not difficult. as.ft.com/r/58ed1b23-d...

What about if it’s like 500 times

King of the sadistic paedos, Epstein, to king of the losers, Elon Musk: *apologies to Malcolm Tucker youtu.be/cPFPT6IoQ5s?...

Tonight other dumb napkin cartoon…

Things like this will be made public and their disciples will say thank you. Thank you for delivering us from the clutches of of regulatory safety and co-operation

“I don’t remember being given $75,000” is like, you’re either rich enough, or you’re stupid. I remember exactly where I found £20, on my way to a Bloc Party gig. And why did they need this money off these people? It makes me so angry. It’s just rinse rinse rinse grasp grasp grasp all the time.

YOU GUYS 🥹

...they told her no, didn't they

You have to do a Macarena a day. You need the silly. Someone who does the macarena can'ttake life that seriously

And another thing. It is REALLY tedious to open a news page every day and see photograph after photograph of the same worst possible humans gurning back at me. It's like a wanker's yearbook.

Ulez bomber: the retired electrician who turned bomb-making extremist

I am fucking speechless