Turns out the next evolutionary stage after the spin doctor is the bare-faced liar.

Early favorite for the FIFA Prize in Economics

putting the lard in mallard

*leaves baby on hot radiator because my wifi is down*

Everyone imitates Tolkien all the time except when it comes to the one way it would really matter: making the protagonist of your novel for children a short, fat, 50-year-old man who doesn't want to do anything.

I felt like ass for a full day after both Shingles shots (fever, chills, the whole deal) even with pregaming with Pepcid & antihistamine, *but* I also saw my Grandma sick with it for more than a month—on her scalp, on her eyelids, in her throat—and it was AWFUL, painful and dangerous.

This is a superb example of nominative determinism. Taking the mickey, indeed.

All I want for Christmas is Onanism Santa

My late mother told me about a singer she had seen on tv. Buoyance

Thank you to the lovely audience member at @hayfestival who shared that her daughter had once corrected her pronunciation of ‘epiphany’ and told her it should of course be ‘epi-fanny’. Which word have you royally mispronounced because you’d only ever seen it written down?

I’d give you a piece of my mind but I’m already in arrears.

me dressed up and exercising at the airport before my 8 hour flight

they should invent a law that rich people have to follow

These people are Nazis. Their ambitions are identical.

Bring Your Cultists To Work Day comes round earlier each year

I dunno man the concept of actually owning something you pay for must be like a drug if you're under 30

The ‘hard mode’ examples. Fucking hell. Sorry, I forgot, everyone is twelve now.

I've just wasted a lot of time. A guy who is legit a big name on TikTok etc contacted me to say they wanted to help me with my Crowdfunder. We exchanged emails. He offered to share it with his supporters. Ace! Turns out all of a sudden he wants me to pay him to do this. I'm so naïve.

I wonder whether he'd ever have become Prime Minister if he had had this in his manifesto.

I'm not sure it's in the self interest of America's tech bro billionaires to suggest that we bring back public executions to punish the most destructive people in our society.

I thought these Kingfishers were a perfect match for today's #BirdOfTheDay theme chosen by @alan678.bsky.social, the theme is #Movement and the alternative was #LookingUp #birds #photography #EastCoastKin #naturephotography #ukbirding #birdphotography #Kingfishers #wildlifephotography #BirdLife

Doctor: do you smoke or drink coffee Me: I drink it you fuckwad

Hell hath no fury like a woman who didn’t get anything from the store when she said she didn’t want anything from the store

I don’t want to vote for a Democrat who promises to get Trump’s voters to vote for them. I want a Democrat who wants to put Trump in prison

By “sovreignty” he means “states should be weak enough so that billionaires like me should be able to treat them as feudal vassals” bsky.app/profile/lora...

A cormorant for #BirdOfTheDay, although possibly not #movement in the sense it was meant. #birds #photography #nature #EastCoastKin #accident

Good morning all, I wish you all a fine Saturday✨️ I am not active this day have some quality time with my daughter 😊 For @alan678.bsky.social #BirdOfTheDay #Movement is here a Eurasin Jay or in Dutch Vlaamse Gaai. Picking a peanut in flight. #EastCoastKin #mobilephonephotography #birds

For a moment I thought this was a new Aardman animation.

Same vibes: not just unable to make music, but unable to ask a computer to make music which it has made from stolen bits of other music.

My precious

"Just one more thing... Is that wall load bearing? It is? Well, how about that."

The Rubaiyat

Still easily the best and most accurate thread about AI well over a year later.

Criminal gangs have built a mountain of illegal waste by the River Cherwell. The police are calling the mega fly-tipping across the county ‘the new narcotics’. It’s time Labour clean this mess up in Oxfordshire and everywhere else.

We got Weird Al out here singing Killing In The Name, the time for moderation is over

Thank you, I will do what you tell me Thank you, I will do what you tell me Thank you, I will do what you tell me

No surprise that Ed West thinks you have to be white for London to be "your city", but still shocking that the *London* Standard prints this stuff. [NB 1/2 of Londoners born in 2000 were not "white British"] www.standard.co.uk/comment/gen-...

Thank goodness they don’t shoot desserters anymore.

Lady in Tesco, (pushing trolley with both hands but clearly having a phone conversation): JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOU'RE IN MY BRA

I have just approved TINY CARS to be built in America. Little SEDANS that should fit four at most but when you open the door 27 clowns spill out. HOW??? They will DUST THEMSELVES OFF as they leave the car. The HORN will make the little eeooh-eeooh sound. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

Keeps getting it caught in the till

Beavers are endangered because of Brazilians.

it's always so refreshing to find a brand that really stands for something and remains true to itself over time

Spot Alan Moore in his 6th form Northampton Grammar School photo, taken two days before he was expelled

No. Fuck Larry Ellison and his shiny teen Nazi Trek

why is everyone so shiny? startrek is about a future where spaceships have capeted floors. its not supposed to be shiny

this is a work of art

Insert a movie into another movie: Freddie Got Paddington Fingered