Kangaroo nerds

A village not far from Würzburg - here’s a video I found on the local newspaper website. Watch to the end for a lovely happy sheep jump. youtu.be/wP7qIHzzDec

@simonhendy.bsky.social Well... this makes sense of a lot of things.

And thus, the entire system of measurements is destroyed. There is no area the size of Wales. Nothing is as long as a blue whale, or a double-decker bus, or a football field; nothing is as tall as a giraffe. A large boulder is, however, the size of a small boulder.

To all the introverts being forced to go to a New Year’s party tonight, I wish you good luck and also express my condolences

Car: "Depress clutch to start." Me to clutch: "The planet is being ruined by billionaire sociopaths, everyone's house is grey, the internet was a terrible mistake and I can't stop thinking about all the stuff I put in bins in the 1990s that I should have recycled. Also I think I've broken my toe."

May we all follow in Gary’s footsteps. 🖋️ Benjamin Schwartz, from 2021 #NewYorkerCartoons

Lordy!

God, I love @nigella.bsky.social. 🥰 My kind of cooking instructions : "Put carefully into the oven and let it cook for 30 minutes, then turn the oven down to 100°C/80°C Fan/gas mark ¼/200°F and leave for a further 12–24 hours."

The sequel we never got, but the sequel we deserved.

It's Twixmas!

GEEEEEEEEETTTTTTT DRESSED, you merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay! For it is Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Day! IIIITTTTT’S Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Day! It is Chriiii-i-i-i-i-istmas Day Christmas Day! It is Chri-HI-HI-HI-HI-HI-HISTMAS DAY!

This is the 15th year of #DuvetKnowItsChristmas, which is preposterous. Rules: if you find yourself dealing with unusual / claustrophobic / gaudy sleeping arrangements this Christmas Eve, share a picture with the world. Use the hashtag (with capitalisation) and cc me if you can be bothered.

It is time, #skycards friends www.flightradar24.com/R3DN053/3d9f...

And if it's not a tradition, well, it should be 🎁 📚 ☕️

I have made a #DuvetKnowItsChristmas bingo card! And done alt text on it (as everyone else should, if they're able).

Your annual reminder that if you want someone to chat or have a laugh with over the Christmas period there will be lots of folk on the #JoinIn and #DuvetKnowItsChristmas threads. 🎄

3yo: “daddy’s phone is in his pocket!” me: “that’s true!” 3yo: “why isn’t mummy’s phone in her pocket?” me: “… buckle up, kiddo, we’re gonna discuss five hundred years of fashion and misogyny”

“I’ve finished that new carol” “Give us the highlights” “It starts off wishing you a Merry Christmas” “Classic. Then?” “Bringing good tidings to you and your kin” “Kin or king?” “Kin” “Got it. How do we end this masterpiece?” “We workshopped it and decided on 15 minutes shouting about figgy pudding”

Every time I'm in a restaurant I remember Kevin McAleer's reply to a waiter who told him the Soup Of The Day. "Where there any other contenders?" "Um, no?" "A hollow victory, then".

We have tested the fruit jars. L-R: Rum with citrus fruit, mainly pomelo I think. Really nice, for drinking. 2x mixed fruit in (home made) sloe gin & brandy. Sultanas in rum. All very ready for use over Christmas with @lunacytowers.bsky.social clotted cream ice cream and in baked pinwheel things.

We should make it a rule that all AI products have to be sent to newsrooms for investigative journalists to test before being released to the public.

My top five favourite words to pronounce like they’re Greek philosophers…   5. Monocles 4. Bicycles 3. Popsicles 2. Obstacles 1. Testicles

I was on a cramped train from Birmingham to Nottingham, next to a vomiting man and his girlfriend. "So far he's puked in Longfield and Tamworth," she said, not entirely without pride. ""We're going for the hat trick at Burton On Trent."

Carrying a 7 foot Christmas tree 2.5 miles home in the rain because the bus was cancelled?! Don't mind me... just being the love interest for every straight to Netflix Christmas film ever made!

A gay friend of my dad's came back from holiday, having seen NFL and excitedly declared, "I've discovered 'Rugby: The Musical'"

Just so I'm clear on this, computer memory has tripled in price because a bunch of it that hasn't been produced yet has been ordered to populate GPUs that aren't installed in data centers that aren't built yet in order to service a demand that doesn't exist to make profits that don't happen.

Spinach. 3 kilos cooked down = 3 tablespoons. Red cabbage. A mere quarter will feed 12 people for a fortnight. Potatoes. 5 kilos roasted won’t be enough for 4. Vegetable maths.

Have bought a Euromillions lottery ticket because maybe, just maybe, I don't have to go into the office for an 07:00 meeting with Oceania on Monday. #ItsUnlikelyToBeMe

🍺 Artist: monkeon https://b3ta.com/board/11423387 From the 'Movie Poster Recycling' challenge https://b3ta.com/challenge/movieposterrecycling/popular/ #MoviePosterRecycling

Father Gregory Wilkins, director of the Society of the Sacred Mission at Kelham, Nottinghamshire, England Eve Arnold, 1963

Get a load of this. 😆

'The perfect brand collaboration doesn't exist.' Agatha Christie/Mr Men:

Famously, corvids are highly intelligent problem-solvers. They’re also greedy fuckers.

How many goes did this take?

I guarantee you won't guess what caused Jack to get so riled two posts earlier.

oh, that's... that's not... you can't call it that

Salami Advent Calendar, Czech Republic. podnikovka.cz/uzeniny_c103...

I'm trying to sell some unwanted items on facebook marketplace, and I've never known stress like it. I feel like each message is another insane demand, issued during some sort of hostage situation, where the hostage is my time. I've been ghosted more times than Derek Acorah.

2/3 I have made three of my cartoons into new, limited edition prints. You can get them now at www.tomgauld.com/shop

Something I think about often.

As always on this day: Remember, Remember the 5th of November, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb.