There's no patriot like a Monaco-based patriot.

And another thing. It is REALLY tedious to open a news page every day and see photograph after photograph of the same worst possible humans gurning back at me. It's like a wanker's yearbook.

Right. It's my birthday this week. What are you all getting me?

My mum had bombs dropped on her as a child. My dad bled on a beach in battle. I'm not yet bored of rules-based coexistence, because anger isn't the same as education, history isn't a comic, and interesting times don't just happen to someone else.

"must not become". Yeah, imagine that.

A sure sign of my age is that I don't employ the word 'vibe' as a linguistic swiss army knife.

Please please vaccinate your child against measles. This is from our @independentsage.bsky.social report from last year, led by @trishgreenhalgh.bsky.social & @helensalisbury.bsky.social independentsage.org/wp-content/u...

Imagine being a tribute act for the Conservatives during the Covid years?

Braverman. Wow. Wouldn't have seen that coming.

King John: Have you seen my crown jewels anywhere? Servant: They're in the wash. Check back again for more rib-tickling English historical humour.

That frog's coming up to a nice rolling simmer...

That would be since... 2016? I wonder what happened then?

Nonsense. I use two sticks all the time.

Facebook reminds me that on this day in 2017 a woman turned to me in the veg section of Sainsbury's and said "hopefully now we've left the EU we can have loose carrots that aren't wet"

The Prime Minister rises to the global political moment and gives a speech of intelligence, insight and gravity. Unfortunately for Britain, it's a different Prime Minister.

That's my birthday present sorted.

Say what you like about his politics, but his tortoise impression takes some beating.

UK party politics having another normal one.

Truth, damned truth, and statistics. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2026...

Well, that didn't take long. Might we see the end of 'Vorsprung Dick Technik' now please?

I can now enjoy a Mediterranean diet while I watch those wall-to-wall gambling adverts.

Terry and Dune. (leave it stephen...)

Brigadune.

I offer this one to the crowd... Can anyone have a guess at this irish place name written on the UK 1871 census? Could be a township, a village or a town. Any clues gratefully received :-)

I expect King Charles will be all "Kingier-than-thou" today.

We need to talk about the latest version of (so-called) Quality Street. #BritainHasFallen

The day's angriest vocal warmup.

Mood

Wow. I didn't know Katya from Strictly had such an interesting back story...

In today's paper: the ten earliest lists of 'ten best' lists of random stuff in 2025 that someone wfh did in their underpants in the box room with a hangover to fill space that might otherwise involve reporting stuff.

EDITOR: "Get me some wildlife experts NOW for a trajectory opinion quote - and have we heard back from that glazier?"

It is now theoretically possible to be the Man Who Shopped for a Liberty Valance.

I can't believe people don't think 'The Shining' is a Christmas film. All that snow - and a magical maze.

I just saw Chris Rea checking his tyre pressures.

Look at the money lavished on that set, though. It's only a shame the titling text isn't in Comic Sans.

That's the toilet brush I'd like for Christmas, thx.

Not gonna lie, I was desperately hoping this article had been written by a bloke

I had fifteen quid on 'Party Of Your'. Gutted.

God knows I've vehemently disagreed with many politicians in my voting life, but I have honestly never known a generation of politicians so lacking in basic political talent or ethics as this one. Right across the board.

More of an art installation, really...

WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE WALLPAPER?

The trouble with national self-harm is that it really, actually harms the nation.

I was going to comment on the news about the latest UK political party, but I've now fallen out with myself.

Awww Jimmy. The Harder They Come was a soundtrack of my teens. x

Have we not reached peak budget speculation yet? I anticipate predictions of a return to sumptuary laws and window taxes before Thursday...

It's been obvious for years that many social media accounts are foreign trolls. The tragedy has been the utter complacency about it. All an enemy had to do was tinkle a little bell and the dumb doggies would bark away at each other. Why bother with a nuclear arsenal?

The Martian (2015)

Same.

Say what you like about their incompetence, but they show admirable skill at the long political suicide note.