I'm in France for a month so I just joined a gym. For 40 Euros I got decent kit, weights put away and a bunch of strangers welcoming me like a long-lost relative. Going back to Puregym is going to be grim.

for some reason the house I'm staying in in France has a 2008 Argos catalogue. I will not leaving this bed until I've chosen my new phone.

Made a sausage and egg muffin. Breakfast of queens 👸

But weird but sure why not

people who don't put their weights back in the gym. I'm not your mum, tidy your shit away.

My husband has been asked to do some work on his brother's house in France - and since my job allows me to work from anywhere in the world for a month, we're off to France next Saturday. I have found a local gym and somewhere to get my nails done, so all the important stuff is covered.

very disturbing story, written by the brilliant @katiedd.bsky.social

Am declaring Pimms season officially open. You're welcome.

Break Free by Ariana Grande. I sing it all the time in my car but DAMN that chorus gets high.

Finally on Spotify and straight on my gym playlist 🇬🇪

MediaCity. Views for...minutes.

I have to go to Manchester today, where does one book sunshine?

9 for lunch. We have deployed the lazy susan.

If you need a Sunday lift, gather your loved ones and have a dance around your kitchen to this year's Italian Eurovision entry. It's pure Italian joy. www.youtube.com/watch?v=kA7p...

my daughter is on a train home and has encountered a fish eater. So wrong.

Very excited to reveal the cover for my new romcom, out 26th May! You can pre-order in all the usual places, including signed/dedicated copies from @bertsbooks.bsky.social bertsbooks.co.uk/product/not-... @boldwoodbooks.bsky.social

Went to get my makeup done by the fabulous Luke at Charlotte Tilbury in Harvey Nicks. No particular occasion, just because the world is shit and sometimes we need nice things.

Oh now HANG ON this is great. Last but very much not least.

love that he's recycled Rosa Linn's post-it notes. More sustainable Eurovision please.

Raise your hand if you immediately started singing Blazin' Squad.

Having a little rave in the gym to Sweden's Eurovision entry. 20 years on, the spirit of Cascada's Everytime We Touch lives on.

Went to my local GP this morning, gave my name to the receptionist and instead of making me feel like human excrement she said 'are you the writer? I'm such a big fan' so we must protect the NHS at all costs.

Am sat in the window of a restaurant in Bath, overlooking a pub where I pretty much lived when I should have been at college. Realised that was 35 years ago, fuuuck.

someone at work just gave me these, the best crisps on the planet 10/10 no notes.

One of my first jobs was teaching soldiers to waterski.

Gym is playing Easy Lover and I'm sad all the kids are wearing headphones because this is a banger.

Made two chocolate fudge cakes. Ottolenghi vs. Mary Berry. My freezer is full of future joy.

What we actually NEED is a ban on Mumsnet for users of Mumsnet

when @nigella.bsky.social posts a recipe for 2 cookies and you accidentally make 25 of them.

stole this off reddit for the very niche group of you who will enjoy it as much as I did

Pomegranates present as deliciously sexy, reality is they are fiddly little nubbins of gritty sadness.

please enjoy this photo from last night of me throwing shapes at a party with my 80-year-old mum. I'm so lucky to have her and she is awesome.

am driving to Kettering with my husband, and just because I CAN, I will be listening to all this year's Eurovision songs so far and having Opinions. A thread !🧵

I will never, ever recover from the horror of this thread.

this is 100% cursed

I've worked as part of this team for the past five years and it's a brilliant experience with some of the best people I know. I can't go this year, but apply if this is your bag - you won't regret it!

just watched 5 minutes of ice hockey in the office and there was zero sexual tension. Rubbish.

Off to Bath with my mum, because M&S has taken over the old massive Debenhams and we are both disproportionately excited about this.

you will pry my oat flat white from my cold, dead hands, you joyless monsters.

Today in writerly things, I had a very good day and wrote nearly 7000 words of Book 9, some of which I think were mildly funny. I go to bed slightly boggle-eyed but very happy.

Me watching Heated Rivalry on a packed train.

Can we all just take a moment to celebrate mums who invite you for Sunday lunch at short notice and then dish up a full roast in a warming oven. Cheers, mum 🥰

I was 12, and this album charted the course of the kind of music I would listen to for the rest of the 1980s. A classic.

Haven’t heard Stephen from the Traitors say the word ‘turret’ in days and I wither inside a little more with each passing hour

Had one of these snack packs from M&S yesterday - took me a few minutes to realise that it's just a really posh Dairylea Lunchable, which apparently aren't even called Lunchables any more. Everything is shit.

Joining a work call from Paddington is a risky business 🤢

The Take That documentary on Netflix is great. And also Everything Changes is the best Take That song and I will not be taking feedback at this time.

Having a very satisfying wardrobe clearout - here's my Vinted page. Mostly size 10 but also some 8/12/14 (the past few years have been a journey) www.vinted.co.uk/member/82057...

Hadn't expected the end of #TheTraitors to go from 'might vomit' to 'you guys are so cute' quite so quickly. I have whiplash, but already gutted it's over!

he looks like a ball of earwax rolled in lint.