Just logged onto my work laptop, and every one of my morning meetings has been either cancelled or moved to this afternoon. Bit weird.

Apologies to all Italians, but if I'm making everything from scratch and wood firing it myself, I'm adding as much pineapple as I like 🍍🍍🍍

at risk of sounding like an absolute nanna, is training at the gym in your pyjamas a Gen Z thing? is getting dressed trying too hard? Just trying to keep up.

I see The Telegraph is Telegraphing hard today. This can get fucked.

I have zero interest in football, genuinely thought you were all getting excited about a medical professional called Dr Congo. Bit disappointed, NGL.

a floaty, tiered orange skirt my former mother-in-law gave me in 1995. I didn't fit for the following 27 summers, but now it does and I'm so glad I kept it because it's beautiful.

7 years old, still going strong #deskfanchat

Low heat, stir for 15 minutes. Add butter and salt. Serve sloppy. Heaven.

Can we ship in potential Prime Ministers from other countries, like San Marino at Eurovision? Obama seems decent, let's give him whirl.

I'm catching up on work in the rooftop bar of my hotel in Hamburg and every single other customer appears to over 75. I never felt younger or cooler. Also the view is excellent.

just made it from plane touching down at Hamburg airport to being in a taxi in 17 minutes. An all time record.

there is a young couple in my Puregym doing cable rows in a highly unconventional arrangement - her sat between his legs and pulling together. They are making out between sets, very much like nobody is watching.

Londoners: the Elizabeth Line is BALTIC today. Enjoy.

The Times has gone full Take A Break with this hot mess.

Happy Pride to this Caravaggio self-portrait that made one man so gay he had to go to the hospital

Satsuma review: Appearance: vibrant, firm, full of promise Texture: licking a carpet Flavour: homeopathic sadness Overall: non-compliant citrus malpractice

Trying to remember when £9 for coffee and a croissant became perfectly normal for a bang-average cafe in London. I didn't even blink.

This post has given me exquisite pleasure. You’ll understand once you’ve checked to see what prompted it!

New god tier ice lolly unlocked. 10/10 no notes, in Sainsbury's NOW.

Rivals S2 Ep6 is some of the best TV I've seen in a long time. Incredibly moving and beautifully done.

I’m by myself today, but I’ve roped in @heidistephens.bsky.social for a morning shift to celebrate the release of her new book, Not Over You, Actually.

Sainsbury's substitution of the day - is it legal to smack a cucumber? Aren't we doing gentle cucumbering these days?

@nigella.bsky.social any chance you have a recipe?? Would love to make this 🥰🏳️‍🌈

if you are anywhere near Swindon on Friday, I'm doing a morning shift at @bertsbooks.bsky.social. I will sell you coffee. Or books. Specifically mine, which I will be signing!

why does this feel like some kind of foreshadowing of my imminent death.

Then why am I barred from Pets At Home?

If you live anywhere near a Lidl, I implore you to go and buy a tub of this immediately, and then eat it all yourself without telling anyone. £2.49's worth of heaven.

Apparently I posted this on Facebook ten years ago today. Luckily it all turned out perfectly fine 👀

If you need a fun and summery weekend read, my new book is only 99p on Kindle! amzn.eu/d/0hBDOR9M

have just been reminded of the time a neighbour invited us over for a barbecue, and when I asked if we could bring anything, he said "could you bring a barbecue? We don't have one." Splendid.

My husband just said 'I organised our battery drawer last night'. Woo steady on, Casanova. I've written enough romance novels to know where this is heading.

Just seen a photo that explains why my house in Wiltshire got absolutely battered by rain for twenty minutes yesterday, but my friend three miles away got nothing. UK weather is weathering hard right now.

it's publication day for my 7th romcom today, so I gave myself a day off, then went to my favourite pub and drank English sparkling wine in the evening sunshine. Not bad at all.

Just had a thunderstorm roll across North Wiltshire like an angry god rearranging the cutlery drawer, and now the sun’s back out and everything feels like it's been steam cleaned. Lovely.

One week today until my new romcom is out! People who pre-order make better lovers, especially if they go to @bertsbooks.bsky.social bertsbooks.co.uk/product/not-...

The Eurovision liveblog snack plate is back.

Today's Eurovision hoodie is my favourite from Turin. The logo is embroidered! Look at the zip! They were never that fancy again.

It's Eurovision, so I've just done myself a fake tan. I'm not seeing anyone today, and will watch the show on my sofa in my pyjamas, but still. Standards.

Quick reminder that if you are watching the #Eurovision Grand Final tomorrow and would like some second-screen company, I'll be liveblogging for Guardian TV like the old days.

I love how Victoria gets multiple sparkly frocks to show off the family jewels, and the other guy is still wearing the same Smiffy's 1970s fancy dress costume from Tuesday #Eurovision

I hope every one of The Pointer Sisters is suing for this travesty of an interval act.

This conversation between the host and the Austrian artist is painful. I’ve seen more natural interaction in a Teams call where everyone’s on mute.

Thank you for the offer, Cyprus, but I absolutely do not want more of whatever that was.

I'd rather have root canal than watch these godawful Austrian presenters again. But I'm going in #Eurovision

If you're wondering how spectacularly bad this Eurovision interval act is, my husband is Austrian and he's left the room in shame.

I seem to watching some kind of parody Eurovision fever dream that's being broadcast to about 100 million people. Whose idea was this quiz? Was Edward Af Sillen not available?

Copies of my new romcom arrived today! It's out in two weeks and you can pre-order it from all good bookshops. Or ideally from @bertsbooks.bsky.social, which is a god tier bookshop. I'll even sign it for you! bertsbooks.co.uk/product/not-...

Exquisite metaphor of the day

PSA: since I'm not in Vienna for Eurovision this year, I'll be back doing the Guardian TV liveblog on Saturday for the first time since 2019! Bring snacks!

My husband ate some ham, so here are the four stages of Labrador drool.