I can only assume that today's green Connections is some kind of American madness because what the hell is that

I don't drink very often these days but today was very much an Emergency Wine Monday 🆘️🍷

if you need a calming interlude, our 3D printer is 5 hours into a rainbow box that is going to take 45 hours. Will update in the morning!

very much enjoying this evening's messages from my mum, who is a huge Post Malone fan and is at tonight's gig at the Spurs stadium. Went VIP as an 80th birthday present to herself. Go mum!

James Dyson lives in Dodington Park - a 35000 sqare foot mansion he paid 15 million for in 2003. He is not, in any sane reality, vacuuming his own home.

says the guy who's never lived in a tree. Don't know you're born.

currently improving my French by listening to French podcasts. Spent 3.5 hours driving today and learned about French attitudes to naturism, 1960s secret nuclear testing in Algeria, and the life of Coco Chanel (including the unfortunate Nazi interlude)

Mabel being a tourist crowd-pleaser in York. Yes, I have wet wipes.

can you guess where I am

you can have one 2026 calendar only. Which will it be??

Since it's the National Television Awards tonight, it's a good time to mention that I wrote a romcom that begins with a very embarrassing wardrobe malfunction at the National Television Awards. Buy from @bertsbooks.bsky.social and you'll get a signed copy! heidistephens.co.uk/the-only-way...

my legs are so knackered after a 23km hike in the Dales, I've sent my husband to the pub to buy me pudding. True love.

The Yorkshire Dales are a bit nice.

Tap water in the south is shit - my (fine) hair is lank and greasy the day after washing, even though we have a water softener. Here in Derbyshire, however, my Day 2 hair is glossy and luxuriant. Want it at home!

Highly recommend the Last Of The Summer Wine museum and live experience.

the people of Derbyshire know how to have a good time.

Am in Bakewell, so obviously went to the Bakewell pudding shop and bought a Bakewell pudding. Assuming it tastes divine because it looks both underbaked AND overbaked at the same time.

this was a VERY fun chat

just picked these beasts up at Gloucester Services. Thick AND big. Will report back.

Gym packed with women of all ages and abilities this morning. All lifting, pushing, sweating, helping each other out and bigging each other up. Fills me with joy 💪🏋‍♀️🤸‍♀️

Have reached the age where I clean my house from top to bottom before going on holiday. Clean sheets, bathroom spotless, even shampooed the carpets. Future just-back-from-holiday Heidi better fucking appreciate it, frankly.

What was the number one album on your 16th birthday? This absolute BANGER, as it happens.

the tone/comments on this post suggest the US has just discovered the induction hob. I've had one since 2006 🤷‍♀️

I live with a man who knows how to clean a chimney. Which surely makes me Mary Poppins? 🌂

The giant house spiders seem to be particularly giant and plentiful this year. I don't mind them, but my beloved is waging war with a Dyson cordless.

Can't look at RFK without seeing Hoggle from Labyrinth.

I bonded with @lesmarshall.bsky.social over Eurovision on Twitter - today we were on the same train for an hour and I don't think we drew breath. Lovely.

Can't say I'm not relieved about the Vienna announcement. I've landed at Innsbruck twice and can confirm it was neither fun nor entertaining.

not even 6am. I'm throwing people who don't put the weights back into the same dungeon as the people who don't wear headphones. You deserve each other.

last car on Le Shuttle = fun time party carriage

Cleansing your timeline with Mabel being a magnificent French boat dog.

In February I introduced my niece and nephew to the infectious joy of Dolly Style, and it still hasn't got old Apologies for my singing 😅

Never imagined I'd say this, but not here for Strictly this year. Thom Skinner is a hard no.

Thanks Spotify for the Flo Rida interlude but its no Adrenalina, is it??

Woman in the gym just asked me if I was OK. Turns out I was audibly rapping along to Summertime by DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince.

I am currently writing a Book and REALLY enjoying it but I also have a million other things to do which prevent me writing the Book. So instead my head is full of Book passages that I don't have time to write down, and each morning a few more have disappeared. Need more brain or more time.

Hey, political parties, I'm a decent human being who cares about other human beings. How about pandering to me for a bit?

Connections having a mad one again today, I see. No idea what purple is about 🤷‍♀️

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someone tried to explain the Labubu craze to me today and I've never felt more ancient.

Furthest I've been: N: Helsinki, Finland 🇫🇮 E: Auckland, New Zealand 🇳🇿 S: Auckland, New Zealand 🇳🇿 W: San Francisco, USA 🇺🇸

guys I'm not sure AI is quite ready for world domination.

Man who (over one glass of wine) said he was divorced, then changed it to separated, then admitted he still shared a house with his wife, then said she wouldn't accept they weren't a couple. Mate, the word for all this is "married". He still asked me for a second date. LOL.

Had my routine mammogram today. Saddens me that so few men will experience the joy of having their boobs trapped in a medical-grade sandwich toaster. You're really missing out, lads.

I love that you're enjoying such nice holidays but I haven't had a holiday yet this year and I'm flagging hard. I took two weeks off work in May, but that to work at Eurovision. NOT a holiday, whatever my colleagues think. (I have the first two weeks in September off. Are we there yet?)

my mum is 80 today. Done a bit of a patio transformation for a family lunch. Square table requires a 4-foot lazy susan. Most of the family have already had a spin on it.

train dog of the day - his name's Digby and he's a very good boy.

The Cotswolds says absolutely fucking not.