everyone has gone out for a dog walk. I have the house to myself for an hour. Not moving from this sofa.

celebrating my nephew's birthday today. Shit time of year to turn 13, but we've done our best.

Family game of Herd Mentality resulting in sustained debate about the best Jesus miracle. Walking on water WAY cooler than loaves/fishes, but yes obviously rising from the dead is a banger.

"your comments about the Norwegian Eurovision entry show that you are a whore of satan"

My brother just sent me a message thanking me for doing him a favour. I replied that favours were what family do for each other, and he'd be the one I'd call if I ever needed to hide a body. Is there a bigger compliment than this?

Having a lovely time taking photos of my brother's dog Lola ♥️

Drinking Buck's Fizz at 0830 while frying sausages. 'Tis the season where this is socially acceptable.

Today in things I wish you could smell: sausage rolls with chilli jam, just out of the oven.

Brioche rolls DONE. They smell like heaven.

Can someone please explain why, in the year of our lord 2025, black treacle still comes in a ridiculously sticky and impractical tin. Is a squeezy bottle really too much to ask? Are Tate & Lyle just absolute bastards?

the binmen have been, so we are going into the Season Of Garbage with a joyfully empty bin. However recycling won't be collected again until 5th Jan, which is a stressful prospect. All heavy visitors will be asked to climb in and do some compression jumps before they leave.

A novel Sainsbury's substitution. Just need to check if @nigella.bsky.social is OK with this for the Baileys Tiramisu?

According to Andy Williams, one of the core elements of The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year is 'kids jingle belling'. What is jingle belling exactly, and is it related to gay happy meetings?

Anyone thinking of going to Sainsbury's this morning, it was likr the last days of Rome in there at 0745.

This is all very Fathers4Justice #strictly

Carlos doing live therapy in front of 10 million people on #Strictly is a moment. Bless him.

I missed this George Paso first time round, it's great #strictly

Every time the camera cuts to Shirley the pipe cleaners eating her boobs seem to be getting bigger

Yes thank you George for explaining the concept for those of us who nodded off #strictly

George HAS come a long way considering how his feet are consistently in a different timezone #strictly

Amber's showdance had more lifts than Tom Cruise #strictly

living for Nikita's sexy fishing waders #strictly

Sleeping dog and Sense & Sensibility on the telly. Bliss.

Instagram is suggesting I might like to buy this item. Babe I'm 52 and will look like a festive gammon in a slow cooker but sure.

Today's Wordle was a bastard. Got it in 4, but took me 20 minutes of head-scratching.

Popped into Zara to have every ounce of festive cheer sucked out of my body.

Show me a better gym track than this certified bop.

The creepy loons are talking about children's genitalia again. Imagine the state of his laptop.

Good deed for the day - looked after a boy who jumped on my train just as the doors were closing and left his dad and brother behind. Got off with him at the next stop and waited until they arrived on the following train. Heard all about his visit to Tate Modern. Very sweet kid who stayed calm ♥️

Some brilliant Victorian Christmas cards.

timeline cleanse: a photo my husband took on his dog walk this morning. Spiders are awesome.

last commute to London of the year! Final push, stay strong everyone.

Just a reminder that moments of festivity-induced sadness/exhaustion/overwhelm can be helped a little bit by watching Kylie Minogue deliver the best festive banger we've seen in decades. The dance moves also contribute to a general feeling of comfort and joy. www.youtube.com/watch?v=3B5Z...

James are currently performing Sit Down on Strictly. I'm sure lots of us have an original 1990/1991 memory of this song - mine is sitting on the dancefloor of the Island Club in Bath (aka Bog Island), sweat raining from the roof, smoking furiously and entirely off my face. Oh to be 18 again.

I am hopeless at anything remotely artistic, don't ever ask me to ice a cake. But even I can manage this very cute burrata snowman.

Experimental slow cooker pudding of the day - panettone, Baileys, cream, eggs, milk, sugar, chocolate chips, 4 hours on low. Defibrillator optional.

Book news! Excited to announce I've signed a four-book deal with @boldwoodbooks.bsky.social - my next Romcom, called Not Over You, Actually, will be out in May! 🥳

Every word of this is mean-spirited and cruel. Why is this necessary?

Imagine how bitter and hollow the people supporting this cruel agenda are. Just rotting from the insides, poisoned by their own hate and bile. Sending all the love to my trans sisters. You deserve better.

I'm in an Uber that's playing pan pipe Coldplay hits. What's the opposite of a tip?

watching this Instant Dance carnage, I actually miss Liveblogging #strictly. So much 80s gameshow energy

last night: went out in London, decided not to drink so I'd feel good today 😇 Today: glued to my bathroom with norovirus, dignity in tatters, feel like a human volcano 🌋

Love George dancing the Salsa in a different timezone from everyone else. Fun.

loved that Paso. Oh, four tuna #strictly

The world is a mess, so I've taken to ending each day by eating a Solero in the bath. Highly recommend.

Popped to @bertsbooks.bsky.social yesterday to do some Christmas shopping - got loads of help and brilliant inspo. Please support your local indie bookstore by giving them love and money - I also took Alex two crumbles from my freezer, but I believe that's optional.

Can't imagine ever getting tired of watching this five minutes of stupendous telly.

has been a few years since I cried at a John Lewis Christmas ad, but this year's got me 😭

Another very fun Halloween event round ours. About 200 kids this year, we had a great time.

WOAH Connections has gone rogue. What strangeness is this.