Can't imagine ever getting tired of watching this five minutes of stupendous telly.

has been a few years since I cried at a John Lewis Christmas ad, but this year's got me 😭

Another very fun Halloween event round ours. About 200 kids this year, we had a great time.

WOAH Connections has gone rogue. What strangeness is this.

Cat being the only woman left means she's out tomorrow. Traitors should have saved Kate.

Return to Oz trauma flashbacks

browsing Christmas decorations in Sainsbury's. Torn between line dancing frog and constipated pug burrito

Plenty of conviction but entirely unconvincing. We shall see.

Nick is a VERY smart man #CelebrityTraitors

Catching up on #CelebrityTraitors on the train to work. Not sure I breathed between Didcot Parkway and Reading. That round table was EPIC.

Have contacted Nationwide to ask if they mind me paying my mortgage in peppercorns. Am also open to bay leaves and nutmeg (whole, not ground, this is a nice part of town)

I've just had an email from a butcher telling me 'it's not too late to celebrate Porktober'. Is Porktober a thing? It definitely shouldn't be a thing. Stop saying Porktober.

loving how spectacularly shit the Faithfuls are at finding Traitors. Genius telly.

the 0549 train to London hits differently when you've got Celeb Traitors to watch. WHAT a ride.

latest Halloween make. This is going to hang from the lamppost outside our house.

At the end of the summer season Cheltenham Lido drains down the pool and re-fills for winter cold water swimming. But before that, they open it to dogs for the weekend. It's Mabel's favourite day of the year.

My favourite bit about this story is how much medical investigation it took before this guy admitted he'd eaten three kilos of cola bottles. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

love this coat, but worried I'm not very tall and might look I've been crayoned by toddlers.

On the train, snorting with laughter at #celebritytraitors. What a great show.

I'm in a cafe in Clerkenwell and indications are that boot cut stretchy trousers are fashionable again. I must have missed this memo.

if you immediately spotted the blue Connections today, you aee my people 💙

today in Halloween preparations - a water feature! He's been on the cider, poor chap.

Genuinely don't think I have ever worn tartan until today. 52 years kilt-free. This will not be my last.

Nearly 25 years since one of my favourite albums of all time was released - VERY excited for this.

I left a can of Sprite in the office fridge six weeks ago and it's still there. Either Gen Z have more integrity than their elders, or nobody likes Sprite anymore.

Man in my gym smashing out bench presses in tartan pyjamas and birkenstocks. Living for this fucks/reps ratio

indications are I've put my contact lenses in the wrong eyes and I'm already on the train so that's fun.

failed both Wordle and Connections this morning.

Waiting for that obnoxious knobweasel to get hoofed out of Strictly so I can start watching.

I can only assume that today's green Connections is some kind of American madness because what the hell is that

I don't drink very often these days but today was very much an Emergency Wine Monday 🆘️🍷

if you need a calming interlude, our 3D printer is 5 hours into a rainbow box that is going to take 45 hours. Will update in the morning!

very much enjoying this evening's messages from my mum, who is a huge Post Malone fan and is at tonight's gig at the Spurs stadium. Went VIP as an 80th birthday present to herself. Go mum!

James Dyson lives in Dodington Park - a 35000 sqare foot mansion he paid 15 million for in 2003. He is not, in any sane reality, vacuuming his own home.

says the guy who's never lived in a tree. Don't know you're born.

currently improving my French by listening to French podcasts. Spent 3.5 hours driving today and learned about French attitudes to naturism, 1960s secret nuclear testing in Algeria, and the life of Coco Chanel (including the unfortunate Nazi interlude)

Mabel being a tourist crowd-pleaser in York. Yes, I have wet wipes.

can you guess where I am

you can have one 2026 calendar only. Which will it be??

Since it's the National Television Awards tonight, it's a good time to mention that I wrote a romcom that begins with a very embarrassing wardrobe malfunction at the National Television Awards. Buy from @bertsbooks.bsky.social and you'll get a signed copy! heidistephens.co.uk/the-only-way...

my legs are so knackered after a 23km hike in the Dales, I've sent my husband to the pub to buy me pudding. True love.

The Yorkshire Dales are a bit nice.

Tap water in the south is shit - my (fine) hair is lank and greasy the day after washing, even though we have a water softener. Here in Derbyshire, however, my Day 2 hair is glossy and luxuriant. Want it at home!

Highly recommend the Last Of The Summer Wine museum and live experience.

the people of Derbyshire know how to have a good time.

Am in Bakewell, so obviously went to the Bakewell pudding shop and bought a Bakewell pudding. Assuming it tastes divine because it looks both underbaked AND overbaked at the same time.

this was a VERY fun chat

just picked these beasts up at Gloucester Services. Thick AND big. Will report back.

Gym packed with women of all ages and abilities this morning. All lifting, pushing, sweating, helping each other out and bigging each other up. Fills me with joy 💪🏋‍♀️🤸‍♀️