Carrots 2 tins of baked beans Can of WD40 Chives Chinese BBQ spare ribs Gin Fairy Liquid Yoghurt Porridge Leeks Durex Cotton buds Hair gel Curry powder. How rude of Nigel Farage to be writing his shopping list as Beth Rigby asks him questions about some very important issues.😤

Lesson one. From Rupert Lowe. (An MP no less) How to instigate a riot…but also claim you in no way instigated a riot. 😊

Lesson one. From Rupert Lowe. (An MP no less) How to instigate a riot…but also claim you in no way instigated a riot.

Kemi is bloody right! For a woman who is Conservative leader & a part time shelf stacker at M&S she speaks a lot of sense. Let’s get rid of all this equality guff & let all the top jobs go to upper middle class, public school educated chaps like myself. We are bred for it. 🇬🇧👍

This is so lovely. It just restores my faith in Britain & makes me realise how successful Brexit has been. Lord Dominic Johnson playing golf with the gorgeous Liz Truss & Moggy’s son! No tattoos No trackies No weed Just happy & healthy people having fun that doesn’t involve sex.

This is so lovely. It just restores my faith in Britain & makes me realise how successful Brexit has been. Lord Dominic Johnson playing golf with the gorgeous Liz Truss & Moggy’s son! No tattoos No trackies No weed Just happy & healthy people having fun that doesn’t involve sex.

Please listen to Zia Yusuf here. Those caring eyes. That sympathy. That empathy.❤️‍🩹 He & Reform have done exactly what The Nowak Family wanted: instigated riots, violence, division & social unrest. …Erm that is what The Nowak Family wanted I presume? 😳

Love this photo of JD Vance. You can tell he is a man of peace. A man who is upset by violence and desperately wants to explain it and thus ultimately end it. Pray for him as he spreads his message of peace and harmony to the UK.🙏🏻

20 years later and it happens again! Rob Kenyon. He went to the BBC looking for a job as an MP and ended up being interviewed live as a political expert. 🤪

So If Nigel Farage did go on Desert Island Discs, he’d choose: 1. Some music that’d remind him of his mum in a short skirt.🤔 2. The contemporary record ‘I’m too sexy for my shirt’ by Right Wing Said Fred because when he stripped off to it he got a good reaction. Erm… Really? 😳

“5 Million Rob…5 bloody million!!!!. And no one has been able to touch me. This politics business is a piece of piss Rob…loads of bloody cash to be made!”

Lovely to see The Teat Brothers are off to Moscow. And boy do they celebrate in that macho way women adore. They truly are our Hall & Scrotes Thelma & Louse Venereal & Disease Fore & Skin Socks & Sandals Elton John & Squeaky Dee Itch & Sore Fungi & Toe Mrs Slocombe & Pussy. 🕺💃

Lee Anderson. Almost Prime Ministerial. A true statesman.🇬🇧

“I think we’ve found him… In the deep crevice just above. Keep climbing a few feet higher chaps…don’t mention the £5m gift and we should be able to entice Nigel Farage from his hiding place for an interview…”

Do listen to this. It’s old racist biddy Prune Slater giving advice to the misogynist plumber in Makerfield. My wife Bunty & I just love speeding Prune’s voice up…it makes her videos so entertaining. This one gets particularly frantic & hysterical towards the end.😳

Why can’t the young people of today dress like this? If they did they’d get a job and be able to afford a house.👍

Yesterday in the village we held a bring & buy sale. All proceeds went to a charity supporting those earning just over £100K in the UK. These people can barely keep their children in private education & are now being forced to shop at Tesco’s . Please keep them in your prayers.🙏

So far in Makerfield the only policy Reform UK seem to totally agree on is that: Ordinary blokes are all racist, misogynist and want to lick Carol Vorderman’s waste disposal unit. And of course that this doesn’t matter. All their other policies? Bedlam!👇😊

‘So Eileen I’ve removed all the pictures in your care home…oh and have you got the correct ticket that allows you to stay here?’

Donald Trump will always be famous as the first world leader who embraced AI. He has used the innovative power of AI to reflect his clear political vision, a highly thought out rationality & a clever sense of humour. America you must be so proud of this great man.🇺🇸

UTTERLY APPALLING! How can Thomas Touché leave these players out of his squad: Jerry Maguire Cole Porter Emerson Lake & Palmer Terence Trent Darby (County) Sandie Shaw? Yet he takes The Rolling Stones Tim Rice and Tony Toney? Disgusting! I blame Rachel Reeves.😡 #SortItOutStarmer

Nigel Farage is NOT a hypocrite. He is there to make women feel safe & to protect these women, their daughters & granddaughters from anti social behaviour. Behaviour such as shouting abuse from a van. After all Rachel Reeves is not a woman…no…she’s erm…a Labour politician.🤔

‘Look! I think I can see where Nigel Farage is hiding.’

The new Chair of Reform! Lee Anderson fought in The Battle of The Somme but got upset when ‘sniggled’ at. He felt food banks weren’t needed because nutritious meals could be cooked for 30p. A man who said nuisance tenants should live in tents & pick potatoes. Truly the intellectual face of Reform! 😬

I know President Trump is very proud of his wife Melania and her choice in fashion. However I sense Melania’s new look might be taking things just a step too far…😳

Councillor Taylor speaks from the❤️. I sense that Princess Diana would probably have given Nigel Farage £5M as well. But I like to think she would be a Tory. And every time Chris Philp speaks she looks down open mouthed. Kemi would have been her best pal on a girl’s night out.🇬🇧

Could you help me? Am I right in thinking that after all the shenanigans with The Labour Party over the last few days these are the only DEFINITE candidates emerging to challenge Keir Starmer: Chris Mason Beth Rigby Robert Peston Oh and possibly Andy Burnham? 🤔

The strongest & most intelligent leader we ever had was Liz Truss. Even after 5 pints of strong lager this woman slurs common sense and rationality. If Keir Starmer wants to succeed he needs to be more Truss like. 🍻🇬🇧

President Trump has apparently bought himself a new, more comfortable chair for The White House Oval Office…

A possible Hantavirus epidemic?????? 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 There’s only ONE man who can sort all this out! 💪

We are THE CONSERVATIVES. Remember us? We gave you 14 years of strong & stable government. We saved all your lives. Our leader Boris Johnson died for you. We cut all your services because that’s what you wanted. For the local elections today: VOTE CONSERVATIVE X #SemiForKemi 🇬🇧

Bunty turned to me in bed last night & said ‘What happened to that Sarah girl. The bald one married to lovely Michael Gove?’ I showed her the news article. ‘Silly girl, should never have left Govey, he was a real catch,’ she replied. Then we got down to some nip nip wiggy wiggy.

When your Grandad goes out into the garden to get a bit of fresh air after drinking too much sherry at Christmas… 🥴

The new pothole-fixing machine made by the construction company JCB. The machine Reform UK are promoting after receiving £200,000 from the aforementioned British digger maker. 🥺

Bravo Robert!👏

‘You, Boy! Here’s £5 million. Rush off and give it to the frog faced man who lives round the corner so he can invest it in crypto currency!’

‘You see this bee here…it’s just tried to assassinate me!’

Lovely to see ABBA haven’t changed much since their heyday…

King Charles and Queen Camilla are taking no chances as they visit Donald Trump in assassination plagued America. 👍

My wife Bunty & I have decided to have a day out in London & it’s been ruined by this bloody marathon!😡 Eateries full. The tube packed. Roads closed off. And huge crowds. Couldn’t they take this event to some out of town arena & leave people like us to enjoy London in peace? 😤

Ah…so now we know where Michael Fabricant gets his hair from… 👍

Dear old sleepyhead Trumpywumps: ‘Rock-a-bye, baby, in the treetop When the wind blows, the cradle will rock When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall And down will come baby, cradle and all…’ 😴🛌🥱💤😴💤🥱🛌

‘You, boy! Get me a huge St George’s flag so I can hang out of this window looking a bit of a dick…’

An Adolescent Alan Partridge? A Junior Richard Madeley? Or perhaps a Young David Brent? 😇

Do you want know what’s wrong with this country? I mean what’s really WRONG with this country? A senior civil servant holding high office at the heart of government called…Olly. Olly? OLLY? For God’s sake…😡 This would never have been allowed in my day. 😤

Jill in the village shop has admitted she didn’t vet Simple Sally for her job behind the counter. This weekend Simple Sally was seen at scarecrow parties in Wimborne St Giles offering her own baps to hungry partygoers. Jill is distraught Her muffin lacked moisture this morning.😔

Richard. Your new profile pic. Yes it’s all very nice but did you know someone has set fire to your trousers?😳