The annual harvest for Michael Fabricant’s hair has just begun in Gloucestershire today.

#RachelReeves Yes Prits! Apart from cocking up Covid, Implementing Brexit, Partying whilst people died, Cutting local Govt funding by 40%, Running down public services And increasing levels of poverty. We Conservatives were NEVER business bashing, job destroying or law breaking!

We had the lovely Carol Fucker around for tea. She’s the singer with 80’s band T’Cau. After some cake she said I was a total c*nt. She called the vicar a twat & told Bunty to go f*ck herself. She left blaming Ramrod our lab for the rise of knife crime in the UK. We adored her!🥺

Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you: Mr Lee Anderson MP dressed up as a warlock, bleeding from his head, making serious political comment on GB News. I feel as though I need say no more… 😬

Andrew’ punishment? To live in a 5 bedroom farmhouse on the Sandringham estate. But what about this lass? Sarah Ferguson is a loyal,modest & caring mum respected by all. What is she supposed to do, poor love? Surely Charles MUST find her at least a 4 bedroom farmhouse to live in?

We had a Halloween party on the village green for the children yesterday Bunty came as Carole Malone. She screeched about migrants whilst pointing her pen at people. Everyone said it was the most horrific thing they’d seen since Cliff cut his finger in the pub slicing lemon. 🙀

How very dare The Sun describe me as a ‘fake platform.’ My dear wife Bunty is extremely upset and is already hitting the sherry…🥺 www.thescottishsun.co.uk/news/scottis...

I’m apparently hot news North of the border. Michelle, Lang may yer lum reek! 😊 www.dailyrecord.co.uk/entertainmen...

Why is it people in this country HATE beautiful and successful people? The vicious flak & hate mail Michelle Mone & her husband are receiving is totally uncalled for and motivated by envy and jealousy. Let’s celebrate their success instead of attacking them all the time! 😡

Chris Philp will never call Sarah Pochin a racist. He’d never call Hitler a fascist. Never call Jack the Ripper a murderer. Never call Stalin a tyrant. Why? Because he is a lovely man & sees the best in everyone. That’s why he’s loved by all. Our Saint.❤️

With Claudia & Bess leaving #Strictly, Bunty & I have listed some great replacements: Rylan & Gary Lineker Nadine Dorries & Priti Patel Chaka Demus & Pliers Lucy Powell & Robert Powell Cheese & Peas Ryan Giggs & Judi Dench Jim Davidson & Satan Izzy Oaksap & Richard Tights. 🕺

Nadine Dorries is missed in Parliament. Watch her here on last night’s #bbcqt. She speaks articulately without stumbling and wins the respect of a tough audience. She is still a political heavyweight. #GoNads ❤️

The sad slip in standards now being seen in The Commons. MPs wearing trainers. Next it’ll be: Trainer socks Trackies Bikinis Mankinis Jeggings Football tattoos Nude tractors Pyjamas Drag Thongs Nipple jewellery Wrap music Knives Skunk County lines Graffiti Jizz Fungus Moths.😡

This is Ramrod our lab having gone crazy in our living room. You can see the guilt. However he claims he was hacked by another dog. He has apologised & promised that he has taken steps to ensure that his future canine security is enhanced. The other photo is of Mike Graham.😉

“Oh look Andrew dear. Over there. There’s all your royal titles and privileges…Disappearing!” 👑

I have a terrible confession.🫢 Over the years I too have financially supported Sarah Ferguson. I have paid for her: Wrinkle cream Shaving foam Porridge Shabba Ranks CDs WD-40 Tats Algebra lessons Falafel Jellies Toe rings Crash helmets Knee pads Dental floss. I am truly sorry.😔

🎵Oh the Grand ex Duke of York He had ten thousand women. He knobbed them up to the top of the bed And he knobbed them down again. And when he was up he was up. And when he was down he was down. And when he was only half way up. You never saw sweat on his brow.🎵

Meanwhile back at The Daily Mail, Sarah Vine writes another article …

The mad world of Richard Tights.🤪 Part 187 of an occasional series: You SHOULD jail a person who threatens to kill Jewish people. You SHOULDN’T jail a person (Lucy Connolly) who threatens to kill migrants because that’s free speech. Hmmmm…🤔

The French want our history. The Greeks want our history. The Spanish want our history. Everyone wants our bleedin’ history. 😡 That’s why I put up our flag. I don’t want to be erased. A logical, well thought out argument for why we should all fly our flag with pride! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧

Happy birthday Margaret Thatcher! 100 years old today. If she were still in power we wouldn’t have: The One Show Jeggings Vegans Cycle lanes La Voix That Lorraine woman Quinoa Sourdough Mumsnet Beards Pegging Probiotic drinks Yoga Uggs Wrap music Bad spelling Premarital sex. 🇬🇧

So Canterbury Cathedral has been vandalised by its own woke clergy. What next? Skunk smoking after the Gospel? Hymns by Black Sabbath & Motorneck? Vicars dressed in jeggings? A female Archbishop? Drag queens leading prayer? Trans tombs? Yoga in the nave? Moths? OUTRAGEOUS! 😡

My nominations for Nobel Peace prize: Donald Trump (Israel-Cambodia ceasefire) JD Vance (Sofas) Kemi Badenough ((Stamp Duty) Robert Jenrick (Multiculturalism) Alan Carr (Celebrity Traitors) Mac & Katie Kissoon (Sugar Candy Kisses-great song) Liz Truss (Moisture) Erm That’s It.

Sing along everybody! 🎵Any time you're Handsworth way Any evening, any day You'll find us all Doin' the Jenrick walk. Ev'ry little Racist gal With her little Nazi pal You'll find 'em all Doin' the Jenrick walk. Oi!🎵 The old songs are the best! 😊

“…And finally in conclusoin, Let us knot forget: When Labour negotiates Britian loses.” ✍️

I’m at Tory Party Conference & it’s great to see respected ex Australian PM Tony Abbott offering sound advice to Kemi. Tony’s idea of storing illegal migrants in ‘Motherships’ & returning them on ‘Quiet & moonless nights’ shows the rational policies we are now looking at… 🇬🇧

So Nigel Farage says we Conservatives are FINISHED! 😡 Rubbish! Here we all are turning up in our droves to party conference: Representing all classes, all races, all creeds! We can’t wait to hear Laura Trott’s speech on numbers over 10 & James Cleverly’s address on sh*tholes. 🇬🇧

Kemi is right & her intelligence shines through!✔️ America, Australia & Canada are NOT in the European Convention on Human Rights. Nor are they in the EU. They made the correct decision NOT to join these bureaucratic nightmares. So must we! 🇬🇧

Bunty & I are having a break. We’re taking part in the annual 3 day golf competition between Gussage & our deadly rivals Wimborne St Giles. It’ll be intense & Bunty is expecting glasses of sherry to be thrown at her, whilst I’ll be called rude names such as ‘bounder’ Back Sunday!

Great moments in Conservative Party History. Part 38 of an occasional series. The romantic photo of 2019 capturing the moment when Prime Minister Boris Johnson showed his wife Carrie his spaffing machine whilst proposing to her on the steps of St Paul’s Cathedral. ❤️

Golf once was an example of sportsmanship & good manners. But look at this. Europe’s Ryder Cup team mocking President Trump. Mr Trump is a much loved man & a great peacemaker. These golfers should be reprimanded.😡 This is why we must never rejoin The EU!

Happy birthday my darling Bunty! I’ve bought my beloved: A donkey field A Your Party membership Some mince Voucher for a day’s fracking A dancing lesson with Thomas Skinner Some Bosh A bumper pack of paracetamol A drone A St George’s Cross adorned mini roundabout in Solihull. 🥳

‘Joanne has roasted Royal Park Swan in a Boston Duck infused sauce served on a bed of fresh paracetamol…’

Using Donald Trump’s famous words: They’ll be eating the cats and dogs next in Boston! 🙄

Did you know that after Gregg Wallace has taken paracetamol for a headache he drops his trousers and takes off his underpants?

FAO President Trump! Simple Sally who works in Jill’s village shop says Paracetamol causes autism. She also says sour milk causes plague. Eating mud can freeze your brain. Touching moths gives you fungus. Sniffing hay can make you incontinent & eating apple pips cures deafness.🤪

I’m changing my will & having a Charlie Kirk style funeral. We’ll use the parish hall & get the vicar to blast out Peter’s & Lee tunes on his cassette recorder. Paperboy Dean can switch his torch on & off. Then Jill from the shop can light sparklers as Liz Truss reads my eulogy!

I ask you all tonight to light a candle & pray for this lovely young couple Andy & Sarah OK apart from: Toe sucking Extra marital affairs Business meetings with Col Gadaffi Lying to a fake sheikh Building up massive debts Alleged Paedophilia Befriending a pimp. They deserve our love. 🙏🏻

Do listen! Truly inspiring words from our respected and beloved ex Prime Minister Boris Johnson. The young people of this country need to: Swear MORE Drink MORE and Shag MORE! 👏👏👏👏👏

Your Party. No it’s not it’s My Party. It isn’t Your F*cking Party it’s actually My Party. It was supposed to be Our Party, how come it’s Yours? Because you said it was Your Party. I didn’t say it was My Party. Look it isn’t Your F*cking Party so f*ck off! Your Party, my arse! 😤

Just look at King Charles as President Trump calls him a ‘Great King.’ The sheer joy in his face shows how a great friendship is developing between him & the President. With Melania dressing up as a lamp stand to win a bet, I’d say this Presidential trip has been a great success!

President Trump made a secret visit to us. I’ve known him since he was a young pussy grabber. He enjoyed nibbling Jill’s hot baps. He adored Bunty’s flaps & was enchanted by Simple Sally’s stories of geese & poltergeists. Len our Reform UK butcher came…then came again! Fab day! 🇺🇸

Pssst! Don’t tell anyone but we Conservatives are infiltrating Reform & will soon be taking it over. Next it’ll be Liz Truss, Govey & Jacob Rees Mogg joining. Then Boris…who will dethrone Farage & take over as leader! Bye bye Farage, Richard Tights & all your thickos. Ha ha! 😂

So dear dear Danny Kruger has defected to Reform. To be honest my wife Bunty and I can’t stand him. It was when he did that poor quality video at the end of the general election pretending to be that creepy stalker from the film ‘Love Actually.’ Hmmmm🤔 Need I say any more? 😬

Let’s not give up hope on President Trump as a peacemaker.☮️ He stopped the Azerbaijan & Albania war that had raged on for 22 years. You know that war. It’s the one Lee Anderson served bravely in whilst fighting in The Somme.💪

My wife Bunty & I decided to have a romantic weekend in Paris. It has truly been très magnifique! ❤️ Imagine our surprise then, as we decided to walk up to the Arc de Triomphe, to be confronted by 3 million English patriots proudly marching & beating up the local gendarmerie! 🤦‍♂️

We celebrated FREE SPEECH in the village yesterday. We called each other bastards & fuckers. Everyone said Jill in the village shop was a bitch & should be jailed. I called Dean our paperboy a lying wanker and Bunty said Simple Sally should be burnt for being a slut. 🇬🇧

Peter Mandehlson’s next job: Archbishop of Canterbury? Host of Masterchef? Deputy Leader of The Labour Party? Children’s author? Prime Minister of France? Andrea Jenkyns’ voice coach? Replacement for that ‘bosh’ guy on Strictly? Write for the Daily Mail? Fluffer? Traffic warden?

What’s happening? Nothing really. Just a sad and confused elderly man needing a little bit of sympathy and our help.😢