Bishop Auckland Food Festival - treats and a giant sheep. Perfect.

Went for a routine eye test today. No change, no need for new specs. Unfortunately, I tripped and landed face first on a pair of beautiful green frames. Bought them. My bad as people younger than me say.

The roast potatoes worked. I slept from 11 - 7. Unheard of. I'm recommending potato-based sleep remedies to all my friends from now on.

My insomnia really surpassed itself last night. 3 hours sleep. I had to do the thing I hate and spark out for half an hour at 4 o'clock. So now I feel crap and groggy. I'm hoping roast potatoes knock me out tonight.

Snow was general all over Stroud. It was falling upon the Tesco Express from its toilet seats and, further westwards, falling into its car park. It was falling too upon the chained trolleys. It lay drifted upon the dashboard of James Joyce's BMW . . .

It's dark and the rain's lashing against the windows like the house has gone out to sea.

I'm sad to hear of Moya Brennan's death. I saw Clannad just before lockdown. They were incredible. Her voice was so luminous.

Woke up with a desperate craving for watercress. I'm eating a whole bag now with chicken snd black pepper. Delicious.

Got my new caravan! It's probably good for cushions and fluffy rugs now but sadly lacking in fairy lights. I've ordered them. I'll photograph it when it's at full twinkly light capacity.

Some friends have just posted on Facebook that they've seen the portrait I have in an exhibition. They did a selfie pointing at it. I've had a few very happy tears.

Couldn't love The Boss more.

Your accent is really...sweet.

My head is destroyed. The caravan dealer* insisted on a 2 hour handover. I know every wheel nut personally now. It's a brilliant service though. Most dealers just throw the keys at you. It's being delivered on Sunday! *Derwent Valley Caravans - highly recommend.

Stopping kids going to the zoo because their parents are on benefits is just so unbelievably "the cruelty is the point" that it could only have been dreamed up by this man. www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-poli...

Sewing Bluesky?

If you're a fan of Pip & Nut peanut butters, they've got an offer online. 30% with RIOT30 code. I've stocked up. Love their stuff. (No added sugar.)

I'd agreed to go to a party on Friday night. I bloody hate parties. The host just cancelled due to illness. They were so apologetic. I was so delighted.

Clever yesterday me made an enormous roast dinner with extra everything. Roast dinner part 2 today. I'm all Yorkshire pudding now.

As a consequence of the deranged orange fuckwit's psychotic behaviour, I've had to go to Screwfix on a bank holiday. The local police have put out a warning about heating oil theft in rural areas. The OH is now spending one of his very few days off securing the tank. Thieving bastards.

He's been!

Been to the Open Studio Day at Ushaw College. The students' bedrooms have all been repurposed as tiny studios. So much creativity in 2 corridors - painting, photography, textiles, glass. And a brilliant bloke making tiny fantasy worlds. Nobody's making much money but everyone's doing what they love.

I've just had 2 Jehovah's Witness blokes at the door. It's freezing and raining and they're carting 2 toddlers around like defence shields. People will still swear at them and slam doors, toddlers or not. What a grim morning for those kids.

Once an Infant teacher...

Believer or not, I think this is the most heartbreaking Easter tweet I ever read. I always see it as a death row tweet too, and the agony of despair.

It's been a while since I was a practising anything but something that really pisses me off is getting an inbox full of "Happy Easter" marketing emails on Good Friday. Read the room pricks. Big bloke, beard, agony. Save it for Sunday.

I've had a homemade hot crossless bun. It was gorgeous even if I say so myself. I can't get away with piping though so they look a bit atheist.

I'm in for my nails. The Easter bunny just came in and gave me some Smarties. I didn't know he was local. 🐰

I've kneaded the hot cross bun dough and now my fingers are wafting the scent of cinnamon and nutmeg. Tom Ford would charge you 200 quid for such an aromatic palette.

Samantha Harvey's Orbital is a wonderful read about space. Lyrical and beautiful.

Easter inna box from Betty's.

Finally! Me and Bruce. True love. 💖💖💖💖

Twice I've had tickets for Ralph McTell, the first time in 1978. Both times I've had to give them away. FINALLY I've got tickets again in June. Even if the zombies come they'll have to hold off on my left leg until he's sang Streets of London.

@rosamundi.bsky.social Happy birthday. May it be full of swans.

One thing I learnt when I was driving coaches for a living was that you don't drive into any situation you wouldn't fancy reversing out of. The same is true of geo-politics.

Seeing my painting in an exhibition today was brilliant, so emotional. Some friends were unexpectedly there to cheerlead me. Followed by Mother's Pride, fiver at the Town Hall. Wonderful film. BUT I was promised cake too. There was no cake. There was Halford's. I was tricked.

I'm going to the opening of the art exhibition with my painting in it today. And to the pictures. And for cake. That's quite the day.

Bought the caravan! ELDIS AFFINITY 520. Even a soppy hybrid can pull it.

Found a small caravan that the stupid car can pull. I can't stand the 2nd hand embarrassment of watching 2 blokes negotiate. There's a lot of sighing and grimacing.

Clearing my late mum’s house. Surely SURELY there’s a Pam out there who’d like this book. Pam, make yourself known.

I love that new Paul McCartney song. It's a beautiful acknowledgement that there was so much more behind than there is in his future.

Might be the greatest opening paragraph of anything ever.

Kendo Nagasaki has pulled out of the LDN show he was due to wrestle his retirement match on next week in Dudley, over the promotion increasingly cosying up to the Reform party. Fair play, imagine being morally outflanked by Kendo Nagasaki.

Today's art class was a reminder that you can't be good at everything. And apparently I'm not good at Brusho skylines. Totally shite. Went in the bin.

@princesssofvp.bsky.social happy birthday xx

They've got away with us for years. The outstanding primary near my school used to say they "couldn't meet the child's needs but XX can." No mere child was messing with their SAT results.

tell us your favourite tree: oak flower: freesia season: autumn tea: Earl Grey coffee: double espresso, Monin syrup time of day: afternoon genre: cosy crime dessert: crumble and custard

Football's a stupid game #NUFC

@janehill.bsky.social Chest tattoo

Bit of a trying weekend caravan-wise. Sold the T@B360 and went to buy a bigger van. Hadn't taken into account that a hybrid Hyundai Tucson(2025) has the towing capacity of a harnessed kitten. Came home vanless and a bit disheartened.