I've just been talking to someone who's been fishing with Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse for their programme. He said they're as nice in real life as they seem on screen. I'm delighted about that.

Result of my oil painting workshop at Ushaw College with Art'nMind. Had a great time.

I'm at an oil painting workshop all day. I'm only sorry that Our Lady of Swans @rosamundi.bsky.social isn't here with me.

I'm sad to hear of Gilson Lavis's death. I've seen him with Jools so many times. Kept it all together with such good humour.

Been to a matinee at Darlington Hippodrome. "The Signalman" with John Burton. I'll never sleep again.

"Never give a child a name you can't put Doctor in front of." (Teacher)

The fash are going to be furious that the train stabbing hero is called Samir Zitouni.

Of course, this is the best John Lewis(ish) Christmas advert. youtu.be/ZrlZNVi_N54?...

There’s no screening for ovarian cancer and it’s really difficult to spot: you can’t squidge your ovaries in the shower to check for lumps. Also it’s very good at masquerading at other things, like IBS and diverticulitis. Please take a look at this list of symptoms - and share if you can.

I live in a village about half that size. We'd probably manage to get a few on the cricket field but they'll have to pay. About £5 per car would probably pay for a new cricket hut roof.

I've just heard someone at the factory ask whoever it is they're phoning to "stick a few hangman's nooses on the lorry." I'm not up on the finer points of employment law but I'm pretty sure you have to give a final written warning before you go that far.

2 nights out in a row was lovely but I'm very pleased that tonight will hold nothing more stimulating than Whitstable Pearl and a brisket cottage pie.

Another beautiful Old Fox story. The bit about giggling children has ended me.

The BBC Dracula from the 1970s (the one that meant #DoctorWho fans got Horror of Fang Rock and had to wait until 1980 for State of Decay) is on @talkingpicturestv.bsky.social tonight from 9pm in case anyone wants to give it a look

Ever Ready Brass Band. What a great concert. I didn't win the raffle though - fumin.

Bought a few too many Halloween sweets. So far today I've had a mini Crunchie and a bag of chocolate buttons. Any latecomers will have to make do with the fudge fingers.

🎃🎃🎃There's something completely lovely about a 3 year old spider earnestly examining the sweets cauldron. He went for 2 packs of Maltesers in the end. 🎃🎃🎃

The local Town Hall cinema is showing "American Werewolf in London" tonight. Fiver. Bargain and I'm going.

I've already given a mini Mars Bar to the DPD man and a packet of chocolate buttons to the Sainsbury's driver. Their costumes were a bit crap but they probably did their best.🎃

Unusually political chat in the salon this morning. Andrew non-prince was the hot topic. Nobody thought it was much of a punishment to be reduced to our ranks. One law for royals, another for us was the consensus.* And these people usually love the royal family. *tbf, they're not wrong.

And in news that will surprise no-one... Still, on the plus side, TOP OF THE LEAGUE!

I'm going as "we got the phone call from Ofsted."

So cold at work today. Home now and necking hot Marmite like a temperance toddy.

Now, I'm sure I've seen a similar aesthetic somewhere, but somehow kann ich einfach nicht meinen Finger drauflegen.

Sybil Fawlty is such an easy character to fuck up, which is why every non-Prunella Scales iteration wasn’t very good. Basil and Manuel you can get away with via caricature. Do the same with Sybil and you expose the layers inherent in Scales’ performance by their absence in the hands of anyone else.

Ah, farewell The Queen.

@garybainbridge.bsky.social Bit late to the party, but many congratulations to you and the beautiful Mrs Bandage. 💖💖💖💖

1/2 I don't think LED headlight dazzle has been seen as a problem because it mainly affects country drivers. I have no problem driving on well lit main roads but as soon as you get onto winding, unlit roads you're blinded by every LED-lit car coming towards you. I try to avoid driving at night now.

Solved both #onlyconnect walls. Proper clever me.

Spooky window done. 🎃🎃🎃#Halloween

Boxes of Roses and Whiskas for kittens, Discounts on kettles and M&S mittens That lovely young man who sang "fried onion rings" I think non white people can advertise things

To give @wombat37.bsky.social a day off and as a thank you for all the years of #SundayPix we have had, share your pictures of him or anything that reminds you of him using the hashtags #SundayPixWombie #SundayPixWombat #SundayPixWombat37 PLEASE RT FAR AND WIDE! End

#sundaypicwombie #sundaypixwombat #sundaypixwombat37 I couldn't find a picture of a daft ha'porth. Close enough. Love ya M xx

I've done the clocks early, even the one with the penis second hand. I was going to type second hand penis but that just sounded tacky.

I said the traditional words when the Sainsbury's shop came tonight. "DON'T TOUCH THAT. IT'S FOR CHRISTMAS!!!" As a rule of thumb, if it looks tasty or fancy it's for Santa.

I wish I hadn't found out that Cadbury Snow Balls are mini eggs. I'm developing a serious habit.

I've had such a good time at an art class this afternoon. We looked at local artist Norman Cornish. I added a bit of pitmatic to educate the southerners.

Parents, please check your kids’ candy this Halloween. I’ve just found an ancient metal whistle with the inscription “QUIS EST ISTE QUI VENIT" inside a Snickers bar. I blew it and heard a note of infinite distance, and now I’m haunted by a figure in pale, fluttering draperies. Be safe.

Made the mistake of going to the town at school chucking out time. I pulled over to let a blue-light ambulance past and an absolute arsehole in an Audi overtook both of us. Why do you never have a baseball bat when you need one?

Andromedaville looking very pretty this morning.

@sarahvanpelt.bsky.social Jasmine's giving me flashbacks to you and your blowtorch. #GBBO

That's definitely Flambeau.

Louvre robbery. French police release image of suspect.

New work underway for Old Chapel Gallery (Herefordshire). Exhibition opens on Saturday November 8th. Painted, engraved mouth blown glass.

Bought some Fortnum and Mason Lucifer's biscuits for Christmas. I've had 4 and my mouth's on fire. It's not just the good tunes that the divil has the monopoly on.

British Wildlife Photography Awards. Incredible talent. At Bishop Auckland Town Hall. And free admission too!

In my defence, I was left unsupervised in my pal's gift shop. Labyrinth Bishop Auckland. Does mail order. Make their own candles.

It's my perfect clothes weather. Boots,leggings, tshirt, leather jacket, beret. I love a still, gloomy day.

I made a chocolate mayonnaise cake for my pottery group this week. Apparently it was luscious. I wouldn't know. I hate chocolate cake. I didn't tell them about the mayo. It sounded a bit too Mrs Cropley.