Honestly, I'm about to waste a £60 ticket for the BRILLIANT French singer Zaho de Sagazan, from 7pm at the Palladium. Please can someone take it. I can't make it. She is amazing. I'm gutted.

Slow cooker arrived. Washed. Tomorrow is the day of First Casserole. Reading the instructions, because I'm obedient. One question: I thought leaving it unattended was the whole point? There's covering your back legally, and there's being idiotic. Or both.

I mean ... look at them

Fine, I will write the next James Bond. INT: SEX CASINO, NIGHT BOND: Hello I am Bond James Bond my car goes NYOOM CUT TO: ten minutes of a chase in a sports car BOND: Also my watch is a special watch that makes ladies blouses see through EXPLOSION BOND: This film is for grown ups

Waiting for a reply from my daughter to say if I have her permission to share a pic of her a) on a horse b) jumping c) dressed as Cruella de Vil. The horse was also dressed as Pongo. She got a clear round and won first prize for fancy dress. It is epic. Let's hope she says yes.

they really do have a lot of friends

Going to put this on front of you again. The news moves on, but the problems faced by those living in Jamaica are still there.

I'd like a word with my brain. 2.15am-6.00am WIDE AWAKE 6.01am-6.28am sleeeeep with weird dreams 6.29am PING oh yeah my alarm goes off in 31 mins I'd better rev up *drinks gallon of tea*

New build regime started today (you can hear about Old Build Regime when it's finally [legally] over) and BOY am I a zippy project manager. Skip hire? TICK Portaloo hire? TICK Plant hire? TICK Contacting Building Control? TICK Architect conference call? TICK *Kermit typing gif*

Wetsuited-up Ed surfs up to the bank of the Thames at Westminster, steps off his board, hands Keir the letter, towels himself dry and gets on with his day. Spot on. God I miss Election Ed.

Last night my son told me about a secret thing he's doing this week. I don't know why it's secret, but can't tell you what it is. What I *can* say is that it involves telling a load of actors how to sing in Latin. Niche, but very cool.

the right winger who was appointed to lead the BBC in the hope of appeasing right wingers has been driven out by right wingers for not appeasing right wingers enough and the BBC has the chance to do the funniest thing ever

Me, giggling like a goblin, strapping myself into the BBC Boss chair, commissioning non-celeb sitcom & sketch show after another. High concept narrative comedies by women! 100 shows with writers rooms! Tell whatever celeb blokes are doing a travel show they can make their own way back from Bordeaux!

Booked my flu jab, because I'm the exact target audience scared by today's news that the virus mutated over the summer and we're in for a bad winter of it. Paying for jab, mind. The government doesn't care *that* much.

When I don't take his polite sitting-down death stare supper hints (half an hour early and I've just about dragged him into GMT now), he walks backwards pulling silly faces wagging his tail

it'll be fiiiiine shh

Don't have to get ready for photo ops like this if you STAY ready

First time my air fryer and I have fallen out. It burned the top of my ginger cake. BUT I was going to ice it anyway so will slice the top off and nobody will ever know. Do not dob me in it.

Into the eight hour. Fourth call. This hold music could actually drive me to violence. But my call *is* important to them. So there's that.

no reason to watch this. no reason

As the cold winter months stretch out ahead, I stared at my one hob ring and tiny air fryer and had a yearning for warming casseroles. So ordered a slow cooker (I think @janjonesauthor.bsky.social said I should ages ago). I can give it to my son when I regain a kitchen so NOT A WASTE OF MONEY

Caught in kafkaesque loop trying to track my mother's supermarket order from 500 miles away, when she lives 1.3 miles from their shop. New driver didn't see her flat number. Apparently went in, didn't ask at front desk, went away again. 5 hours and 3 lo o o o n g calls later we are still wondering

If you’re wondering what a “least weasel” is, they absolutely live up to the name. This is the least amount of animal you can have that can still meet the bar for “is weasel”

It has been Quite A Week. I may have poured myself a small glass of wine. Hello

For complicated reasons I'm not going to get into, this afternoon I had a wonderfully circular conversation, halfway through which I realised we were reënacting (oh hai The New Yorker) Grosse Pointe Blank's first Ultimart scene: "what are you doing here?" "what are YOU doing here?" "I live here" etc

Just thinking about Celebrity Traitors last night and the fact that if they’d been on that train just 10 seconds longer the scenes would have been horrific. Massive relief all round I imagine, it would have put a serious crimp on what has otherwise been a very successful series.

a thing I have just said out loud, alone in a room apart from a dog: you've just done a reply-all, haven't you? what a knob It's important to be able to vent so we don't all get ulcers.

I don't think I can ever believe anything David tells me about a house again.

22 days ago

So Alan can split it 4 ways yeah? and GIVE JOE HIS CUT BECAUSE HE WAS RIGHT FOR AGES

THEY ARE STUPID MEN

oh god I pop in, see Sandwich Guy's vindication, RT it, then scroll down for puntastic wall-to-wall everybody elsing. Soz for adding NOTHING who even am I

🚨🚨🚨 The jury has reached a verdict. Sean Dunn, aka the DC Sandwich Guy, has been found NOT GUILTY of assault.

"Once Trump appreciates how lopsided the ballroom has made the White House, he may turn his attention to the West Wing." @willwiles.bsky.social being very good on That Ballroom...

Done it. Booked holiday house over Christmas nearby. So now when sod and all his laws dictate that my own cottage will be built/roofed/weatherproof by then I can say "I made this happen" (it won't be. am smugly certain of this, but now I'll have a BATHROOM and WASHING MACHINE and room for kids)

The pressing question in a day that started at 3.30am showering by the light of a full moon is will I stay awake long enough to watch the Traitors final? You lot got me into it. It's all your fault I can't have an early night.

Moral? ALWAYS complain on here BEFORE you pay, and lovely people like Felicity will help you. Don't be me. Now I am wiser, but poorer.

You know what's annoying? Having to pay £1000s now to top up my NI contributions from when I was a stay-at-home mum of a tiddler, when NOBODY told me not claiming child benefit would stuff up my state pension. You'd have thought that *might* have been something my divorce lawyer could have mentioned

Busy day ahead. Couldn't sleep, so got up and had a shower by the full moonlight. Now eating toast before 4am. Haven't put a light on, the moon is so bright. Join me later for the mid-afternoon crash.

A 34-year-old as a politician: My god he's like a baby. It's like they just elected an infant to be their mayor. A 34-year-old as an athlete: You have to admire the bravery of him attempting that dunk, knowing full well the grim reaper is right behind him.

Cracked and trying to book a holiday cottage for Christmas, as this build won't be ready for me and the kids. Zig has already been a dealbreaker with one perfect option. One is getting back to me after darkly warning that the price I saw on site isn't actually The Price.

I saved it up until I came back home, but finished Riot Women last night and MY GOD, if you haven't seen it, do. So brilliant. Angry, funny, exquisitely acted, THE SINGING!, relevant (shouldn't have to be but still is). Not saying anything everyone else hasn't said. Best thing I've watched in ages.

"Live, Laugh, Legislate by Diktat"

After BUDGET PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, Ben is giving us BUDGET SENSE AND SENSIBILITY! For all its glories, Part 1 is really just leading to the triumph that is his handling of "barouche" in Part 2 we need this

someone is pleased to be home

just....enjoy this

Just bought some of that Blackthorn salt because I'm suggestible and it sounds brilliant. And it's local.

WALL OF THORNS: On the west coast of Scotland, facing out across the Firth of Clyde towards the Isle of Arran, stands the only functioning salt-making tower in the world. @countrylifemag.bsky.social

🎶 can you smell the drums Fernando? I remember long ago an onion night like this in the firelight Fernando you were sniffing to yourself and softly mustarding your bread I could smell the distant sandwiches and bagel stalls were humming from afar

Been back a day and the STARVING coal tits are very happy about it.