MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE This is by me, it's about my favorite part of working at my old job at the bookstore and about memory and about I'm very proud of it and I hope you like it ok thanks

Dishwasher leaked. There are many questions about this: Who started the dishwasher? (It wasn’t Craig or me before bed, as it was not full) When? Why? Is it just clogged, or is something more sinister happening? Can YouTube help us here?

GUESS! WHO’S! FIFTEEN!

Pleased to announce I got a haircut

Updating my Raelodex

keep spilling salad dressing on my shirt

Ain’t that the question

few slogans make me more viscerally angry than scotiabank's "you're richer than you think" no I'm not, you fuckers, I'll fight you

Not to be confused with The Miniature Widow, which is a drama about a woman whose partner gets really into Warhammer.

Come on then, and remove him.

we only need a little miracle

@jaredgonia.bsky.social happy birthday!

“We will always choose earth. We will always choose each other.” - Christina Koch

sobbing about the moon, like a normal person

Me: “T, what’re you doing?” T, from under his desk: “oh, just normal me things”

Guys life is brutal and tragic but at the same time I’m thinkin it’s beautiful and stunning as well idk

Ich see trees of grene Redde roses too Ich see them bloome For me and you And Ich thynke to myselfe What a wondirful worlde Ich see welkin blue And cloudes of whyte The brighte blessid daye The darke sacred nighte And Ich thynke to myselfe What a wondirful worlde www.nasa.gov/image-articl...

The place I used to get my gluten-free poutine closed.

Edmonton

Relevant again today

thank you, Heather!

Atheists are mad about this and they’re absolutely right but please just let me say as a Christian I am not wild about the Center for Racialized Kidnapping profaning the iconography of my religion either. The Piss Christ or that David Wojnarowicz video are thoughtful provocations, this is just shit

You know it’s a holiday weekend by checking the calendar, I know it’s a holiday weekend by the line for the bakery across from me being fifteen people deep two minutes after they open

M, plopping down across from me: “I’ve sailed to this land. It’s called Christina. Now let’s talk about me.”

I have done the hoisin sauce meme but with lemongrass tubes

The boys just appeared to tell me they’re playing “Oregon trail in real life” but “this is no ordinary journey to Oregon”

Nice aspersions. Gonna cast em somewhe—HEY

I just had to drop >$250 on making sure my eyes weren't about to abruptly give out on me, so if anybody feels interested, just so you know, I sell stickers, postcards, and one (1) zine here: katieaki.com/store

The one April Fool I liked today was every time Julie Nesrallah talked on Tempo on CBC Music, she called herself a different Canadian artist. “You’re listening to Tempo, I’m Shania Twain/Paul Anka/Anne Murray” 😂

The photographer at choir (my brother) needed a light model (me being a gigantic ham) to show off the hot girls hit curbs sticker on my water bottle

i just kobayashi marued the wordle

This man infuriates me like you wouldn’t believe. He doesn’t reply to my emails anymore, so I don’t bother making them wordy.

I need to make a to-do list for my to-do list

Your ol' pal Rowan is fundraising for rent help! Help the worst cat in the world, the best cat in the world, and a pretty okay trans woman with a pretty bad heart condition out! Venmo: venmo.com/u/RowanKaiser Paypal: paypal.me/rowankaiser

T’s godfather got him a subscription to a French kids’ magazine for his birthday and it’s so cute, we’re having so much fun with it. T is reading great in English and surprising himself with how much he can read in French! We ♥️ French immersion in this house.

in the event that i would get shrunk down really tiny you goddamn bet i would ride a tardigrade like a microscopic cowpoke

etc. but instead of “sausagemonger” Today it’s “mom taxi”

electively, UCP circulates this survey. Not everyone gets it. The distribution list is based on how you previously answered other questions. To help UCP get a more accurate results, share it. #ableg unitedconservativecaucus.ca/surveys/educ...

Doing my April budget and sighing wistfully over the end of the carbon tax rebate

I am AWAKE I am SHOWERED I am WORKING. All else is negotiable.

gluten-free avocado toast crackers :(

buy a coffee for your local exhausted sausagemonger today. especially if it’s me.

If you respond "yes" to that mass text message from the UCP, they send you a link to their website survey asking some more in-depth questions, such as if you support using public money to build private schools etc. "no", or any other response, no link. unitedconservativecaucus.ca/surveys/educ...

Gee who’d have thunk that the gov’t embroiled in the MHCare Scandal, with a minister who violated election laws and whose leader accepts golden statues from foreign powers is putting their finger on the scale when it comes to public feedback on their policies. Just assholes through and through.

My brother had his life’s work and his apartment destroyed in a fire yesterday morning, including a movie he’d been working on for 15 years. Any little bit anyone can pitch in is appreciated. www.gofundme.com/f/help-a-str...

Hey there 👋🏻, it’s me, the new snack from Costco you loved. You will never see me again

WAR DON'T SEX CRIMES HIDE CRIMES