Just took a bow after my triumphant return* to the stage after a twenty-year hiatus. *sang into my voice memos app and thought it sounded pretty good!

Cheese pull is not nearly as important to me as the flavor of the cheese.

Sleepy and ready for pizza. (The two genders)

Hakeem Jeffries Calls For Execution Of Central Park Five

I need to find a way to make money that doesn’t involve work, and I’ve been looking into this thing called… crime?

Great quote for future stories about how insane the AI bubble was. www.nytimes.com/2025/12/04/t...

Is there a fire nearby? ‘Cause you’re a smoke show.

Honestly I don’t care if straight actors play gay but I do feel strongly that gay shows shouldn’t include sports in any way

Me: I can’t wait to be bombarded by Christmas music for a whole month. Torturous :( Also me, streaming music in my car:

Newsom is awful

Good morning. Be kind to yourselves today. Dad's orders.

Happy Thighsday

Potatoes. I'm a fan.

The world of big tech is an ethical cesspool, and I think everyone should draw their own lines around usage employing their own moral compass as a guide, but it is also so funny to see people posting outraged screeds about spotify usage on platforms like twitter and meta. Like, let's all be serious.

Applying imaginary lipstick at the stoplight.

Pit pig (washed pits only)

Saw your ex using AI.

Love 2 flirt when it’s inconvenient 🤡

You mean the vehicle where as a kid you sat in the very back without a seatbelt which meant you’d almost catapult into the front seat at sudden stops?

I almost missed Hump Day😈

Yes. Whether someone wants to sleep with you on a first date almost entirely comes down to whether they like you as a person! If you suck it doesn't matter if you pay and if you're cool it doesn't matter if you split the bill. You can't lifehack your way out of forming chemistry.

Not usually a #humpday guy but since i’m the only one in the office today…

When he uses my turn ons to…turn me on.

By the time we admit we're in a recession, we'll be in a depression.

The platforming and irony-poisoned stanning of creepy sexist stalker Club Chalamet is gross and sets a nasty precedence. I wrote down my feelings on this. gossipreadingclub.substack.com/p/the-platfo...

Happy Hump Day

Well, I’m up.

Why do all billionaires want to be part of the government? Like, you’re already a billionaire. You can stop working. Go away to your beach house and become a recluse.

ok now do a silly one

Okay that tone change halfway through 👀

Hello from 2018.

Proven Fact: #LegDay is 100% more anabolic in flannel

Finally home after a long, slow workday.

The store is painfully slow due to the overnight snow. I could be at home, master…ing the art of French cooking.

BlueSky displaying uncensored pics in the notifications tab is hilarious.

Car is piled up with snow, but I think the roads are fine, actually 😭

“Oh, sorry, I thought this was a very large advent calendar” - me opening a stranger’s door to their house on Dec 1st

We have icy sleety stuff

No I was right

What‘a the term when you trade links to pics and vids but none of them are of you because the DMs here don’t work that way?

Eggnog lattes are back?!? Don’t @ me.

This is a timely reminder to be nice to retail employees, even if you think you are too important to do that. In the 2000s, I worked at a bookstore, but by the time this story takes place, I was mostly in the cafe. If things got busy, they'd pull me out to work on the other side of the store...

Drag name: Wintry Mix

Wintry mix followed by snow will be hitting while we’re all asleep. I just need it to be enough to get me out of work or a delayed/shorter workday

Midnight mocha (chocolate and vanilla syrups) and a pumpkin cream cheese muffin

every trans person i see post about the OU suspension knows that the suspended target is trans & a grad student, & has an innate awareness that this is about purging trans employees. every cis person i see thinks the target is a rando professor & that this is about giving conservatives good grades

The indecision of a twenty-something except I am not in my twenties.

Happy Hump Day

Just think it’s a bit weird that society has been brainwashed in to thinking that rich people and massive corporations having a bit less money is the main thing we need to avoid no matter what.

"oh, don't forget to highlight, in bright red, the two-letter word in the tagline! the two letter word that's kind of the whole point of this clever ad campaign! the two letter word that links this show to the horror movie of the same name!" "no problem boss. i'm on it"