laugh riot tbh. what a great time!

lol. lmao even. just dogshit, shit from a dog. i’m struggling to find a positive thing to say about this.

thinking about being on the beach today but i’m chained to my desk instead

reporting live from a Boston, MA hotel room

Acela northbound choo-choo 🚂

i also baked off a cocoa-espresso swirl loaf this morning before my train to Boston 🕺🏼 i think it’s my favorite variation

my swirl bread recipe’s going out to everyone who preordered my cookbook… tomorrow? maybe Wednesday? these pretty variations are matcha, cherry, and spiced (with smoked paprika, garlic powder, and onion powder)

it’s Pride weekend in Philly btw. if you see me out and about, you’re welcome to touch 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

it’s so disorienting to sit in a sold-out theater opening night of a comedy and hearing almost zero audience reaction. there are maybe 2 genuinely funny moments and a handful of lines i smiled at. the rest is… well, not good folks! 😔

Pride body looking just right xo 💋

best french toast ever btw. my recipe for cinnamon raisin swirl bread soaked in vanilla bean custard and topped with a mixed berry compote, fresh berries, soft whipped cream, and this salted maple-honey syrup i made (inspired by Golden Diner)

recipe testing is going very well btw

oh actually! i liked it! Backrooms good, sorry haters and losers live laugh love backrooms

this gave me the vibes of trashy lowbrow horror flicks from the ’00s, which is comforting in a way. this isn’t really as good as those, but whatever i had a nice time lol 🤪

rented both of these over the past week and i couldn’t make it through either. it’s great to support indie horror and it’s a great genre for young talent. but wooooof some of it is just… unwatchable 😭

it’s been four days since anyone’s rubbed the belly 😔

🚨 BANGER ALERT 🚨 (this shit rules. how you can go from the atrocious MK 2021 to this bag of fun i’ll never know.)

steak frites au poivre (but the sauce wasn’t as thiccc as i usually make it 😢)

good morning divas 💋 i could use a cuddle buddy over here

i made my own birthday cake (my favorite tradition tbh). and it’s my all-time favorite: strawberry layer cake with a toasted coconut milk soak, homemade strawberry jam, and salted rum coconut cream cheese frosting. plus a collar of toasted coconut + freeze-dried strawberry

the birthday boy’s spreadsheet is ready to go 🎈

i enjoyed this! great angle for a reimagining (reminds me a bit of The Town That Dreaded Sundown’s approach) and it’s slick and mean and fun. Barbie Ferreira is mostly good. the actor who plays her roommate looks exactly like Discord Addams. it REALLY loses steam but overall 😁

37 tomorrow, whoa

we’re so lucky to experience the start of Curry Barker’s horror career. Milk & Serial was quite good, this is an all-timer. i walked out and wanted to walk right back in.

Twice in one weekend! @justinalex.bsky.social is such a cutie! 😊

no Amtrak thirst trap today, just a lot of smiles and gratitude to the NY gays who gave me a very nice trip

yesssss and it was wonderful 🥺

Paul is lovelier and hotter than you can imagine fwiw

“Are you…” “Shitting in the bathroom that makes you watch yourself while you go? Yeah 😌”

happy to report that i showered today

idk how any of you New Yorkers manage to be fat. this city is wild i haven’t sat down in 36 hours

took a cute photo to nyc from the plane xo 💋

i’ll miss this lighting

just watched the most unhinged double feature possible with my parents on mother’s day:

One of the first indications I realized I wasn’t straight.

all your mother wants today is a phone call and a handmade card written in crayon

just introduced my parents to this blissfully stupid wonderful film and we laughed and laughed and damn what a good time. Gabriel throwing that chair across the room is so insane lmao. perfect genre film.

just farted in bed and my dog is NOT happy

it’s so amazing that when you eat too much food, your body is like “that’s ok i’ll make room” and then gradually you’ll have more room for more food. i wonder if my water cup feels jealous when it’s stuffed to the brim. bloating around the middle would feel sooo good for him.

i need some new work clothes. does anyone know if Nasty Pig has a business casual section?

watched the first two eps of All Stars. GREAT day to be a [redacted] fan (it’s me, i’m a [redacted] fan!)

he said “i’m straight” i said “not toniiiiiiight”

my fat boy friday submission

communed with nature. bear who is “going to be okay”

our Minnesota cabin is giving me Friday the 13th vibes, gonna lock all the doors tonight

and a very happy Thursday to you

just had a snack before dinner

i saw some road chickens today

dad made hot dogs for dinner and i had an idea

pretty much nailed dinner for the family tonight. roast chicken with an apricot-beer pan sauce, roasted carrots and baby potatoes, and a raw asparagus-celery-scallion salad with pepitas, goat cheese, and a punchy lemon vinaigrette. oh and a fruit tart.