now everyone go have a safe and fun Friday night xo 💋

a fun fact about me is i can’t do the classic “bear face” because my eyes are too judgmental and the side smirk ends up looking really bitchy

the terrors of the world persist but also my ass juicy

hi yes this is a perfect movie, mhmmm 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ Robert Pattinson is one of our very best actors and Zendaya (usually pretty uneven imo) gives her career best. it’s funny, sharp as anything, and just deeply thoughtful & exciting filmmaking. shoutout to the Haim sister too 🙏🏼

i’m sending out my first sneak peek + brand new recipe to folks who have signed up/preordered soon! in case you’re interested in that kind of thing 👉🏼👈🏼

i’ve seen enough, we can cancel the rest of this season. no need to continue.

simple little dinner + dessert for my buddy tonight

i just got to do the thing every Buffy fan dreams of: gaslight my close friend about the ending of season 5 episode 1. “What do you mean? Buffy’s always had a sister.”

as of this month, i’ve officially been out of the closet longer than i was ever in 🌈 makes me feel old but very proud & loved. i had to mark the occasion by baking a cliche rainbow layer cake. (the swiss buttercream is mascarpone vanilla bean!) (i also hand-piped the sprinkles!)

uneven, atmospheric, often borderline stupid, frequently deliriously fun. i was giggling like a kid throughout the finale. the lead actress (who looks exactly like Dua Lipa) is phenomenal and Adam DiMarco is so so attractive. i am very pleased.

eating a bowl of cereal at 11:48pm is so important

rise n shine ☀️

i liked this! wouldn’t say i loved it. everything felt Disney-fied to the point of safety, which zaps tension out of the “tense” moments. but that’s a minor quibble, Rocky is wonderful and Ryan Gosling is a true Movie Star in every meaning of the word. dude can do anything.

btw the theme is: movies in conversation with classic horror (The Burning with Friday the 13th, The Sentinel with Rosemary’s Baby, Seconds with The Substance, and House with Suspiria) (i also would’ve accepted “perfect horror films” 🤭🙂‍↕️)

i curated the film club picks for the month and i’m so so proud of the banger lineup. any guesses about the theme?

very concerned about season 3 of The Pitt considering how much they’re slumping in season 2

marinated steak fajita night with charred peppers and onions! everything is homemade, including the flour tortillas, chipotle lime crema, guacamole and pico de gallo

i baked some bluuuuuuue stuff today 🗣️ (pain de mie with a butterfly pea flower swirl and some good ole fashioned blueberry muffins)

🧸

Charlie Cox as Daredevil is one of the sexiest castings of all time

i still quite like The Substance, but it really diminishes after you’ve seen Seconds (1966), which i prefer in most respects

this got relegated to the bottom of the pile of peak ’90s slashers, and mostly rightfully so, BUT! the concept rips, everyone is both good & hot in it, and a few scenes are basically perfect (that opening! Tara Reid’s chase!). RIP to Jamie Blanks, i have a real soft spot for you

look at my little dude 🥹

Michelle stays pissing me off on every makeover challenge what’s her problem 😭

“family resemblance” continues to mean nothing, this and more tonight at 9. ANNOYINGG

saw this last night, it shreds. Samara Weaving is a treasure (duh) and the newcomers are all outstanding (SMH and Hatosy are especially perfect, thank god). minus a few points for missing the visuals of the first film, but everything else is aces. it’s fun as hell you guys!

i should call him

Jennifer Jason Leigh, one of our Very Best Actors, is doing a little guest arc on High Potential, my favorite show to turn your brain off to (it’s charming and stupid and everyone in it is wonderful). she’s farrrrr too talented for this kind of show but i am *thrilled* about it

yep! just as terrible as i remembered!

i take my St. Patrick’s Day reubens very seriously. homemade rye bread with a load of pickle juice(!) and caraway seeds, homemade russian dressing, all else pretty standard and dammmnnnnnnnn 🤤

lmao boooooooo fart niose fart noise fart noise boo hiss fart noise this movie suuuuucks hahah

the best Friday the 13th movie is 1981’s The Burning

i’m on a real apricot jam kick lately. other jams can get lost! (until i change my mind)

men are so lucky i’m around

i’m baking bread for a man today

i’m watching the x-files and they’re doing research on microfiche! how charming is microfiche, i miss those days 🥲

watched this last night, absolute nightmare fuel. its multicam/social media angle works so well for found footage and it strikes the right balance of scares and light character moments. kind of a banger!

stoned watching Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum for the first time and i’m far too distracted by how beautiful Wi Ha-joon is

when the sub in Pillion showed up at his Sir’s house to find a list of chores to do — now that’s representation right there 🥺

a mostly incoherent mess of a movie that feels very of its time, complete with traumatic childhood backstory! asylum! sorority girls! burn victim turned prime suspect! insane twist! (i actually did like it though, tons of fun even when it’s aimless and ridiculous. great lead!)

furious that it’s 10:52am when it should really be 9:52am

i HATE when the show has no claws. “oh everyone did good we won’t eliminate anyone tonight” stfu i’m turning off my tv

RuPaul Charles: “To help us make our decision…” Me:

by the way, The Beauty is the best thing Ryan Murphy’s done in the horror space in years. that’s not saying much and it’s uneven and stupid like all his other horror stuff, but there’s a lot of fun in there, too, and some rather engaging plots and legitimately decent body horror.

i have to trim down my forest of chest hair soon and ugh… unpaid domestic labor is so undervalued.

“boilet” remains the funniest sexual term, followed closely by “cuck” and then “sapiosexual”

ok yay!

in honor of Kristi Noem, everyone slap your dumbest enemy. hit em hard.

having an intense craving for butter tarts (a thing i eat 1 of every 2 years or so)

extremely funny headline from Vulture today