I want to spend one day being so blissfully stupid that the NYT would include me in a focus group.

I wonder if I went back and time and asked, if a younger version of me would have pegged him to be the most likely fascist on TRL. I feel like I would have guessed Jessica Simpson.

When people ask me how I manage to do it all, I reply with the truth: having a ballroom sure doesn’t hurt.

My parents divorced when I was pretty young, and they've never really agreed on anything since then besides doing whatever they could for the general wellbeing of their children. Until now. I visited them this weekend, and they both have NO DATA CENTERS signs on their respective lawns.

Ok, fine, I do have to hand it to the NYT to take the time during intense reporting to cuck Kash Patel.

Anyway, remember when Michelle Wolf rightly roasted anyone who attends the White House Correspondents Dinner?

I know E**** ***k horny as hell right now.

A shooter helped to boost popularity last time, so why the hell not.

I’ve been growing a mustache to go along with the Phillies losing streak and it’s disgusting.

If you want to hear my fagcent while I talk about my professional life and queer advocacy in business, you're in luck today. www.youtube.com/watch?v=ol_a...

Love posting thot material on insta stories and following it up with my professional drag like this. Sorry to contain multitudes!

The Flyers scored 3 goals in a few minutes as soon as I turned the game on.

Now why did just realizing tonight is Gritty's first playoff game make me emotional?

In an ideal world, all states would have independent voting commissions and fair districting, gerrymandering would be illegal, and (spoiler ahead) SCOTUS wouldn’t gut what’s left of the Voting Rights Act, but that’s not the world we live in. So, good for some Democrats for actually fighting back.

I'm not sure why, but in my experience as a working person, everyone has completely lost their fucking minds today?

People blocking their babies’ faces in pictures are the internet’s funniest people.

I love my Phillies, but they are so bad this year (so far) in a way that feels almost liberating?

The Margo's Got Money Troubles adaptation is actually really good.

Having a good new Madonna song stuck in my head for the first time in more than a decade.

Tipsy in an almost ask me anything kind of way.

New Jessie Ware album? Madonna Confessions II single leaked? Cirie directing the vote on Survivor? This is a weekend for old f*****s to thrive.

I'm not Catholic, but if I were, and I disagreed vehemently with the Pope, I would simply sit down and make a list of my issues. A long list, say 95 items long maybe? And instead of posting to socials, I'd make a point by writing them out on parchment and tacking them to the front door of a church.

Imagine a few years ago hearing that one of the most delightful parts of your day in spring 2026 would be witnessing the press cycle for a Lena Dunham memoir.

Home late from work, eating pizza shirtless, pretending I’m a straight guy in my 20s.

Lmaoooooo FIFA thought they’d be able to stop Philadelphians from tailgating lmaoooooo

Every time I hear the work Clavicular, I want to conjugate it.

*sets up emergency therapy appointment about Confessions II*

Catching up on Survivor 50, and I’m kind of hoping it’s a Shirley Jackson’s “Lottery” situation at this point.

I went back to draw inspiration from the ancient texts* today while driving. Glorious experience. * I listened to Mika's and the Scissor Sisters' first albums like it was 2004.

Mark it. My first "it's too fucking hot" complaint of the year is being lodged today.

Being on this panel was as close as I’ll ever feel to being on a Coachella lineup.

This Charles Melton media blitz may not heal the whole world, but it will heal me.

I'm literally aroused.

That JD Vance magic touch.

When I have one drink at a party and start telling you how Housewives culture brought us Trumpism, and you laugh at me but know I'm right.

This Tracy Jordan ass guy.

In that viral clip of that wonderful tv judge affirming the young man who left a conversion camp and dismissing his father's case against him....those are all actors, right?

No one wants anything more than my instagram reels want me to go visit the Balkans. And it might be working! I kind of want to visit the Balkans!

I rarely pay attention to what’s happening at Cannes until I’m told watch by movie gas, but it looks so faggy this year that I’m sat and ready.

Regretfully, tonight has big Thursday night vibes.

Someone tried to make small talk with me about Summer House yesterday, and I had to say, "Oh, no thank you."

Two weeks to file an impeachment or at least try to get as much media coverage of his declining mental state as possible in our faces, opposition party. Less tweeting, more action please.

Script.

This is correct.

Omg Billie, I love your work, but I hate your boomerang idol.

Rewatched Harold and Maude today for the first time in years, and it's still a perfect movie - and even more wonderful in the context of how watching it today feels so much like a big old fuck you to the age of miserable internet discourse.

Michael Clayton still slaps.

One thing I’m not ever going to do is fuck with Dawn Staley. Queen shit.

Thrilled to announce that my annual Jesus Christ Superstar listen/singalong to myself is happening today.

Congratulations incoming Attorney General Kid Rock.