Thinking about whoever said that by accepting a meal from people and then arresting them ICE agents broke a cultural taboo that was invented by, like, the first humans to set up a tent

OK timeline cleanser. Show me your teen celebrity crushes in gifs. .... I'm always obligated to do these in twos.

What 5 classes would you teach based on your life experiences/interests? 1) Malicious compliance: good girls know the rules, bad girls know them better 2) Your dog isn't stupid, but he is a smartass 3) Minmax your joke character 4) Failure is just the warmup 5) If it was funny it was worth it

Yourself, but as a cartoon.

Kristi Noem meeting with Stephen Miller (2026)

Greg Bovino sadly filling one steamer trunk after another with elaborate fashy overcoats, the teargas canisters he always has bouncing around on him like labubus, and dozens of "chest-belts." They will be shipped ahead of him as he prepares to return to his home, which is a men's size 10 boot.

my Blackest opinion is that the presumption of conflict between "America has a long and deeply rooted history of violence" and "we can and should fight against today's version of that, as did those who came before us" is less a philosophical debate about how to treat the past and more a skill issue

I laughed but I also absolutely hate that I had to scroll up and check the username because Poe's Law has become a reality-devouring black hole.

New Mexico rn.

The car on which some ungodly percentage of field biology in the southern hemisphere has rested since time out of mind. I suspect it could be repaired with a flint handaxe. ....but I lack the skill to do so.

It would be the most 2025 NFL season thing ever if the team most talked about to win the Super Bowl got knocked out in the wildcard round by a team with a losing record who scraped into the playoffs on a tiebreaker decided by another team.

If a federal agent tries to assault you, just scream "JOE BIDEN STOLE THE 2020 ELECTION" It's apparently like an Uno Reverse card. Now *you* get to assault the cops without any penalty. Beat them with a flagpole, use mace or bear spray on them, whatever. I'm sure the lawyers here will back me up.

I am cursed to know this, and so you too must be cursed with this knowledge.

[breathing a sigh of relief as I carefully remove the poison, hammer, Geiger counter, and radioactive source before helping Tiny Tim out of the box]

I accomplished this by getting together with someone who had been a good friend for two years prior to my marriage collapsing. We were at this point in record time.

This is just a note to say that I have eaten the falcon in a widening gyre and that you were probably saving for anarchy Forgive me it was delicious so rough and full of passionate intensity

We staffed the entire FBI with guys who only make memes and podcasts, hope that doesn't affect our ability to respond to major crimes

I did not sign up for this life to be gaslighted by a fucking spellchecker with delusions of grandeur.

just watched a few dozen videos from the TikTok account of the people who own a caracal cat which very clearly should not be a pet and wants to kill them (every video is like this)

Oprah Pursues Dr. Phil On Ship Through Arctic https://theonion.com/oprah-pursues-dr-phil-on-ship-through-arctic/

Anniversary of halifax explosion so obligatory "Hold up the train. Ammunition ship afire in harbour making for Pier 6 and will explode. Guess this will be my last message. Good-bye boys." - Vincent Coleman saved like 300 people on a train, and started the emergency response. Died for it

thanksgiving reminder: after your turkey comes out of the oven it is important to let it rest inside a wall or floor for 1 to 2 hours

1) I absolutely do not believe in ghosts and can give an entertaining lecture on how the brain works and can and does produce "ghostly" effects. 2. I believe with absolute faith that there is a vast ocean of shit I don't know. 1/

TV conspiracies: we’ve hacked their computers but they’ve perfectly cleaned up the evidence! Real conspiracies: To: conspirator From: famous person Attachment: evidence.png

This is how my Akitas reacted to the spitfire kitten.

The part that blows me away is how many people are *convinced* that the people they're cruel to will learn some kind of lesson that isn't "those people are my enemies who literally want me dead".

Remember, the goofiest character in “The Death of Stalin” is literally motherfuckin’ Scarface compared to the clownshoes cartel in the White House right now. When cholesterol inevitably comes to collect their king, the aftermath is going to be “Monty Python Presents Game of Thrones”.

Ea-Nāşir's perfidy seems eternal!

"It just says OVERRANGE."

ME: Now Mom, just remember, there's a lot of disinformation and AI in your social feed and your friends' Facebook. MOM: I know! My friend sent me this crazy post where someone used AI to make an image of a giant frog fighting Army troops! ME: ... okay, no, that one's ... goddamit, Portland.

I grew up with a pet pig. 1) I knew that creature was intelligent enough to understand that I was too. 2) I also knew it was *thinking* about what to do with me. I feel ZERO guilt about eating pork. I'm all for humane farming and slaughter, but eating them at all? I'm just first.

The inability of the media establishment to deal with being straight-up lied to is a major contributing factor for this mess.

A traveler from an antique land--great guy--said to me with tears in his eyes "Sir, two vast and trunkless legs of stone stand in the desert." And I said wow, that's really something. But we'll be building a big beautiful statue to my hubris and it will stand for eternity

Also the discourse here sometimes makes me want to grab people and say, "you know, in the old days we sometimes processed feelings privately, without shouting them to the world. It has a certain appeal, you should try it."

I thought we'd all agreed as a culture that it was Hackers.

David Lynch's Shawshank Redemption

I'm about 95% sure my dog just thinks my species is incredibly vocal and treats the noises I make as social babble that occasionally has meaning, like I treat a chatty cat's chirps and meows.

Lotta things that motivate conservation, and there has to be a compelling motivation for people to not just stand around feeling kinda guilty. "Defensible space" is a good one.

Tom Clancy's Madame Bovary.

It sounds conspiratorial to suggest that Vladimir Putin told Donald Trump behind closed doors to launch an assault on mail-in voting in elections administered by the states, and Trump immediately set about mobilizing federal power to do it… but that is literally Trump’s account of what happened.

Both things can absolutely be true at the same time. It's when the specific dude in question goes NO IMPOSSIBLE YOUR KIND HATED ME FOR BEING NERD because girls he didn't want to fuck were invisible to him that it turns into the reddest of flags.

It is fucking insane that we had a decade of people complaining about the dangers of cancel culture, and now literally hundreds of thousands of people are being purged from government jobs for ideological reasons, but that is not cancel culture.