watching any period piece: “huh. didn’t know they had filler back then.”

here's my life advice: If there's a mildly politically aware teen in your life, gift them an onion subscription. Every once in awhile I hear quips from the teenager who I've gifted an onion subscription and it's the best thing.

Andre Drummond on the Blippi show is so sweet! So game!

I was so proud to co-run this funny, heartwarming and heartbreaking episode written by John Frink. And it features awesome guest performances from Kieran Culkin, Kurtwood Smith and Barry Sonnenfeld. This Sunday on Fox. #TheSimpsons

does anyone else find they have to constantly delete and redownload the prime video app to get it to work on Apple TV?

@rowleytowels.bsky.social as requested

It’s amazing how much a woman behaving badly makes people think they have a hall pass to use the most sexist language and rhetoric they can think of

Tonight! A very funny (and gay) episode of this lil show! #TheSimpsons

“Ah, just one more thing, sir. You’re blowing up those boats, saying they’re filled with drugs headed for the US. But then you go and pardon the guy who brought in 400 tons of cocaine. That’s billions of doses. Help me understand that.”

people will actually try to give you parenting advice when their kid has never once had a thought crystallize like an icy blast

The guy shot two random people with a gun, I don't think you can say he wasn't assimilating into our culture

Thanksgiving Guests Freeze In Disbelief After Teenager Informs Them Of Native American Genocide https://theonion.com/thanksgiving-guests-freeze-in-disbelief-after-teenager-1848076742/

Audience culture is the worst it's ever been, I swear to god. People forgot how to act. I'm at the theater, trying to enjoy my show, which I've paid GOOD MONEY for, and these two old assholes are in the balcony heckling the life out of the poor bear onstage. Not letting him finish a single joke.

this is the best thing i’ve ever seen

you’re telling me a day gave this thanks?

Getting my debris read today, I know it sounds kooky but it's less invasive than having my wreckage scoured and more accurate than mayday mayday in a box

it feels like a lot of actresses/models/influencer types with the middle name Rose use that as their last name bc it sounds pretty what if that’s the case w Pete Rose

Avatar: Franklin and Bash we were all thinking it

Imagine being one of those CEOs or school presidents who bowed down to this weird old man, then realizing he doesn’t like you as much as he likes this guy who didn’t bow at all

“a member of the DSA steering committee came up to me, big DSA member, strong DSA member, tears pouring from his eyes down onto his bright yellow zohran tote bag, and he said to me, he said, sir, labor is the source of all value. and i said, its so true. solidarity, comrade”

Zohran flip your hair again we need healthcare get him to give us healthcare.

AITA: I (45?F) can control the weather with my mood but blame my twin brother (45?M) for the hurricane on my wedding day (it was my wedding day!) and bullied him out of our encanto and forbid anyone to talk about him. But we made an incredible song out of it that the whole town knows. AITA?

pelvic floor therapy should be included in postpartum care. I was lucky enough to be able to attend a few sessions and it was just as helpful as it was utterly fascinating. Casey rules!

Casey is the best in the world at writing this specific kind of piece, she's been doing it since forever, we're blessed to have her curiosity and clarity on display for something that can be so nebulous both in the abstract and in attempting to visualize it concretely.

Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck

sending blankets infected with Impostor Syndrome to the DOJ

Black people everywhere:

just who was that probably gorgeous Irish actress who played Mayor Quimby’s grandmother in a flashback in Ireland in last night’s exceptional Simpsons episode “Sashes to Sashes?” TIS HERSELF (me) and i’m sorry ancestors

workin’ all day for a Sunday night. It’s just so true and makes so much sense.

lol last night was a rerun

As a cultural Catholic* I am absolutely delighted by Leo’s hammering of JD Vance *I was born into Catholicism and although I no longer believe in God I remain all in on any kind of Catholic intrigue

Trump Solemnly Lays Wreath At Site Where He Would Have Died During Vietnam War If He Weren’t Rich https://theonion.com/trump-solemnly-lays-wreath-at-site-where-he-would-have-1832907992/

trumps assault on federal workers is an assault on veterans

Whore you, the apostrophe police?

“The real problem with America is my bitch ex-wife” is perhaps the most MAGA take ever created

This deal to reopen the government is fucking disgraceful. Tens of millions will lose their healthcare. Trump will be emboldened. This is exactly what’s wrong with Democratic Party leadership and why we need more people in Congress who will actually hold the line.

schumer: don't worry, I've got us right where they want us

[if Chuck Schumer replaced Liam Neeson in Taken] CHUCK SCHUMER: [on phone] I don’t know who you are or what you want, but I will find you and I will help you kill my daughter

neaux we deauxnt avvuh peauxdeeyum

Happy Four Seasons Total Landscaping day to those who celebrate.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"We let them use our mulcher" 😅

reposting here bc it’s only on the other site but… 5 years ago, I worked at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.

my new mayor getting sexual predators off the streets on day 1 i KNOW thats right

this is incredible!!

I don't know -- a young, passionate, energetic, smart person with a lot of good ideas that are intellectually and philosophically consistent? Seems risky. Good luck, New York.