We’re hiring! The @NOVA_Parks team is looking to fix several important roles, including a new Park Manager at Brambleton Golf Course and part-time roles at parks throughout our system. Apply today and join the best park authority on the planet! novaparks.com/employment

Found a guy’s wallet on the ground yesterday and Miss Marple’d him down this morning by emailing a real estate agent whose business card was in the wallet, after Facebook didn’t turn up any leads. Feeling pretty pleased with my sleuthing efforts, and the guy was pumped to hear from me.

X rolled out a new feature overnight showing where accounts are based. This network of “Trump-supporting independent women” that claimed to be “real Americans” are based in Thailand. The photos were stolen from European models & posts pushed pro-Trump lines while targeting Islam and LGBTQ people.

Oh yeah

DOGE was created for data theft and infrastructure dismantling and it wildly succeeded on both counts within the first few weeks of its existence. It will take a generation to rebuild what it destroyed and the breach of data is unprecedented.

these people basically just take luxury government jets and go to fancy events like make a wish kids while their minions flashbang your elderly neighbors

I once knew a Federal bank examiner, and one time someone asked him why we had to KEEP inspecting banks over and over. He basically said every new batch of business school grads invents bank fraud from first principles.

“We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew. Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you. We're so bad, we know we're good. Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.”

Haven’t loved this start. Spirit back line needs to settle.

1) good, they should be prosecuted, they are responsible for countless deaths 2) always very funny when these people realize the extent to which their billionaire patrons could not possibly give less of a shit about them

Let’s goooooooo!!

Guess we’re about to find out if McClean still has the pace for this level!

All of Bluesky this morning:

can't believe ryan lizza is up against zamdani hypnotizing trump and mtg leaving congress and people are still going to pay to get past that paywall to read more about bamboo

“The United States is now a nation run by public servants who behave no better than internet trolls,” @radiofreetom.bsky.social argues. “Who’s responsible for these choices? Your mother, apparently”:

speaking as a virginia beach native if these kind of dudes are plotting against ICE then there is wide runway in public opinion for straight up abolishing the agency under a dem presidency

Laughing at Donald Trump saying he'd definitely feel comfortable living in Zohran Mamdani's New York on the same day that half the consultant brain-poisoned Democratic party voted to condemn socialism

Alright, folks. You know what to do.

The City of Alexandria released a draft strategic plan on Friday to guide economic development over the next five years and beyond — the first comprehensive planning effort since 2007.

Had to run some errands near Georgetown, so I dipped into Wisies for a burger madness for the first time in years. Can’t remember the last time I was this excited for lunch.

Why is running. Fuck. Only maniacs would do this.

Happy Friday Alexandria! We're girding our loins and triumphantly penetrating the earth, so you know it's time for a new issue of ALXtra with @oconnell.bsky.social:

Made the extremely misguided decision to watch House of Dynamite right before bed last night. Hoo boy. Incredible movie though, can’t stop thinking about it.

Grok has been reprogrammed to say Musk is better than everyone at everything, including blowjobs, piss drinking, playing quarterback, conquering Europe, etc.

This is so good and not just because it quotes me and @oconnell.bsky.social at length!!!!!!

Musk has apparently manipulated Grok so much that it says he's a better athlete than LeBron James and a funnier comedian than Jerry Seinfeld. Imagine being so insecure you need to program an LLM to boost you like that.

America is totally normal right now, you guys, totally fine, our Kid-Toucher President is ReTruthing posts on his own social media website where he by proxy suggests his political opposition be executed probably because they're trying to find out just how many kids President Kid-Toucher touched

Sorry Maureen, Alexandria can’t hear you over the fluttering of your 8 million political signs in medians, could you speak up a little bit?

TLDR; BAR insists on expensive, unnecessary s*** that will take even more tax dollars out of the wallets of myself and every other resident, at a time when this city is trying to keep teachers paid and a lot of the city is trying to keep food on the table. Tone deaf. Out of touch. Outrageous.

Canadian crime is the best crime.

Imagine losing world cup qualification to a country the size of the Worcester MA metro area and on top of that the 20 most athletic guys in the country all became shortstops instead of playing soccer

I think if you come up as a major pitching prospect in the Orioles system and after a few promising but bumpy and injury-marred seasons you get traded to the Angels, you should be able to sue God for damages

If you gave me a choice between Part 2 and being able to read The Winds of Winter right now I wouldn’t even have to think about it.

wat

This is a really excellent piece of local journalism:

1/ Today the Department of Education said that it’s transferring a variety of programs to other agencies, making good on Trump’s promise to dismantle ED. The most important thing to understand is that this is a Potemkin reorganization. It’s fugazi, it’s fairy dust. It’s not real.

Wait a minute, these are the Geoffrey Epstein files

We want to speak directly to members of the Military and the Intelligence Community. The American people need you to stand up for our laws and our Constitution. Don’t give up the ship.

mr president sir theres a story coming about how you intervened to help a sex criminal. no sir, not that sex criminal you helped….no not that one either…sir, please stop guessing sex criminals that you helped. ill give you a hint sir, hes a trafficker. no sir, not that trafficker a different one

Twitter and chat gpt are down. Bad day for people who suck.

“Quiet, Piggy” getting more pickup. @cnn.com @peoplemag.bsky.social @dailymirrornews.bsky.social

The larger discussion of all this is wrapped up in a contemporary notion that I find puzzling of Total Person Endorsement. Nobody can just give props to a single thing people do or make, they feel they have to like and approve of everything about them in order to do so.

Hold up

Now this is a race distance I can get behind. Who else is signing up!

That’s… not the metaphor he was looking for?