It would feel so good to hit terminal velocity

Ppallo's Basilisk is a cute little reptile guy. He allows the local children to pull his tail once every summer, producing little fireworks from his mouth. Old people enjoy his company, as his mere presence provides a feeling of serene vitality.

I'd sell out this country for an ice cream sandwich.

All the angels have worms

It would feel so good to scream at Greedo

Gollum gotta smell crazy

Listening to music with my wife in the car & skipping to the next track after 2 minutes when Mars Volta comes up on shuffle

Gandalf on the back of the Lord of Eagles, watching the hobbits suffer

I'rish you a happy easter!

You really should keep your total monthly consumption of Fey to one serving per month. They're full of mercury and pfas.

I'rish you a good friday

I am also seeking $152 million to "reopen Alcatraz"

the Penis In Vagina Bureau is on the case

Blue Alien gf: What is "kush blasting"? I want to learn..

Go get him

*36 year old guy voice over the keening howl of a dying world* The vibes are immaculate my dude.

(losing sight of what really matters) Family and friends are wack, y'all.

If you attempt to teach me facts, I will ensure the desert reclaims you.

It would have felt so good to bayonet Robert E Lee

We must build a space base on the sun.

i’m slowly slipping away again

Oh haha it's a stomach bug

Kid is now on his 12th consecutive weekend where I have him and either he is or I am very sick.

Spot didnt have hoes

woke culture killed my dog

(uncommonly huge pig shuffles down hallway) me: (opens door) gentle time for a meals boy. gentle waters. a backpack of french toast for you (straps backpack to him) pig: (insistent) oink oink me: of course. a backpack of ravioli as well pig: (satisfied) oink (shuffles away and gets stuck in a door)

Everything in the world is about sports except sports which is about sex.

This preworkout is about to do a hate crime on me.

Nice rain. Is it men?

*guy who has his credit card number memorized voice*

This is a nice lust. Do you have it in blood?

All of the guys whose Ai companies blow up before the energy crisis puts a hole in the global market are going to have just a little bit of additional egg on their faces.

Whoa, shit, Durin? Is that you? Man, what's it been, 20 years? Haha crazy. So what are you up to? Wow, delving. Still? That's wild man. Well, be safe down there. Let me know next time youre in St Paul. I'd love to buy you a drink!

Twitters primpker

Remember that time over at Johnny’s place? This chick got up And she fucked Johnny’s face

I just remembered this

*the prodigy fire starter voice* I’m the suckafucka

your honor i plead innocent on the grounds that i am lying to you

The mountain redoubt smells like updog.

The battle of verdun but for the entire 9 months The Prodigy's "Firestarter" is playing at deafening volume.

Don’t want to brag but my lizard brain has folds so deep you could lose your keys in them

This Thing Of Ours (snack tray)

We will drive them into the sea until their feet do not touch bottom and we will stand on the shore and watch and wait until every one of them slips below the surface.

There is an ICE agent zipping the head of his dick into his "tac-pants" in the pittsburgh airport right now. He calls them "tac-pants." The zipper tears his pallid flesh. He will know no peace in this life or the next.

My arrangement? Bet your ass its edible.

Da share zone is still doing that bit, huh?

Now that all you people are going to be dealing with ice regularly at the airport, get ready to hear yourself say "we are going to fucking win" a lot.

The Tom Homan has again failed the "Tom Homan Try Not to Sound Like the Drunk Lout with CTE at The End of the Bar" Challenge. Good luck tomorrow Tom!

Somebody gives me anonymity? You bet your ass I'm speaking.

Jacob Frey is Paul Ryan