Simon and Pumbaa

calmly repeating "doinkey." Classic OCD morning.

Eating dal prime rib quesadillas. Depression produces wonders heretofore unknown to humankind.

You can just block all of these people. There's no convincing stencil. You block or you kill.

Single turd.

Just saw a bumper sticker that said "He wasn't shot He didn't win He's on the left" And I have a question or two.

There have been too many pedophile presidents, in my opinion.

Max Bosmer, I don't care man. Who cares.

I'm jamming bamboo slivers under The General's fingernails. He's sobbing and muttering his jingle.

THREE AND A HALF FEET OF BACON, SOMEONE NOTIFY THE MEME MAKERS OF AMERICA

Me, meeting the Buddha on the road: dude I am going to fucking kill your ass.

Don Draper: Santa..... Claus Roger: Thats brilliant Don. Peggy: Don you are the greatest man in the world and also you are a scoundrel.

Aaaaagh!!! Ooouuuugh!!!

*"Guy who comes by it honestly" voice* Guess how I came by it.

It’s working…

I'm conjuring your ass.

Got an electric edge burnisher and my life is like 10% better

Every single one of you needs at least one extra hobby.

4 double espresso sunday

Green man caught in havahart trap

Savion Williams has such a hilarious guardian helmet.

What a fun game

Either LaFleur or Hafley is 100% gone next year.

Watching my neighbors walk their dogs.

Hell of a kick. Goddamn.

Fox nfl robot gaping his asshole as part of his touchdown dance.

Willis is going to make some good money this off-season. Good for him.

Genuinely surprising that wasn't a disqualification. Clear impermissible use of the helmet.

John Wenow (our gay au pair) fell

Rashan Gary is truly bad.

Getting sucked off on a bubble screen.

I yearn for Tom Brady death.

Baby tylenol should have a shrimp flavor. That's "prawn" for my awful European followers.

Beast Weapons

You are being accused of giving aid and suckler to an enemy of the state.

Berries are the most delectable small fruit.

Decided halfway through a standing piss that I wanted to shit and ran the logistics of what that transition would look like.

This would feel so good today

Checking in on the comment section on brand pages

A wizard, when presented with modern internet pornography, would not know what to do with himself!

no, ma'am, you're mistaken

Golden raisins are so good man.

Penal Grigio

◀️Fooled by riddle

Well David Brooks gives a speech on the private jet to pedophile island of anyone who pays him 40 bucks though, so whatever.

Noam Chomsky flies on the private jet to pedophile island of anyone who emails him though so like whatever.

Prosecutor: your tweet "ass got me sounding like Keith Jarrett"-- is that about his piano playing or his vocalizations. Me: I don't play piano. Prosecutor: your honor the witness is being evasive. *Juicy Ass Bailiff turns to face the judge* Me: ooOouhgh

That ass got me sounding like Keith Jarrett

Summer, 2026

Every day when I get dressed, I think to myself "is this the outfit Id like to see myself wearing in the photos from the day It happens."