Court Jester Caught STEALING Japes!

I love going 600mph

post hocs, sweetie

Dude, the ramifications..... Well we'll have to see.

I don't care who you are, whipping your tusks around and leveling a spear wall or throwing a guy 30 feet with your trunk feels amazing. Charging with the boys. And if my mahout decides I'm going too hard and killing too many of our guys and uses the chisel to kill me, he's just doing his job.

Expensive looking middle aged French guys with weak chins love reading Car magazine

AMERICAN MALES AMERICAN MALES

My name is Marriott Bonvoy

All my boys are imbued with a cruel, animal cunning.

Segway tour of the coochie

If the looney toons ever got mickey mouse to join them, we might know how beautiful this world could be.

Back in the olden days, it was considered a great honor to be chosen by the eccentric inventor to climb aboard his "flying machine" for a solo test flight.

To everything! Turn! Turn! Turn! There is a season! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! A time t

May I sell you a bridge?

"Cleaned out your key tray to keep these sunflower seeds in, in case we get hungry later. Come crunch on a couple of these seeds bro. Just spit them on the floor like a cowboy."

Ancient Egyptian majordomo Keti: ensure that in the afterlife my avatar reflects the great power I had in this life. Sculptor: of course. The gods will know you as you are now Twitter's primpker:

This guy is about to ask you if he can crash on your couch.

I like how everything will turn out alright in the end

The Wikipedia for Sid Wilson of slipknot reads like it was written by Sid Wilson of slipknot.

"Are you frail?" [X] Yes🙂 [ ] No 🙂

Operation epic fury

KLM's "Be Relax Chillout" playlist

I would like to walk hand in hand with the president!

My recollection of the mid 1990s centers on stickers with a T-Rex on a skateboard with the word "TUBULAR" written in cool script

*"Guy who don't need no education" voice* Guess what I don't need no of?

Human beings long to shoot bullets into a portal. It's in our nature.

My name is Yumi Andouprix

Ice Cream trucks have access to a sticker graphics library that includes mickey mouse rendered in Japanese woodblock style, Popeye doing low bar back squats, and sonic the hedgehog working a penis pump. Not clear what this has to do with ice cream.

Wirecutter recommended CIA torture gear essentials

happy mother’s day bro. you are my chosen mother

Every beast must be given a fighting chance.

Guy dialing "M": yeah am I talking to Murder? I'm trying to get a hold of Murder.

Had a dream I was eating gyro made out of llama. It was good.

Ancient peoples were vastly more advanced in gravity bong technology than previously thought.

Fixed for accuracy

Anton Chigurh, fingering the device: whats the most you've ever lost on a coin toss? Cow staring blankly AC: call it. Just call it. Cow staring blankly AC: You stand to win everything. Cow staring blankly AC, lifting his hand: Well done. Don't put it in your pocket. Its your lucky quarter.

i am into papal fellatio

😸🔭

LBJ demanded ball room, now the damn cheeto demands "ballroom!" we have lost our way. #notmypresident #ridingupmybunghole #wearleftnotright

I get so horny when I eat graham crackers. You hear that Sylvester, you stupid prude?

DOCTOR: (answering phone) hello PAGLIACCI: hey, what’re you doing? DOCTOR: i’m with a client right now… why? what about you? whaddya need? PAGLIACCI: i’m actually doing a show.. um.. are you still sending people here?. DOC: kinda. sad lil circus tent, right? PAGLIACCI: sad lil circus tent yeah

Jonchra Volta

I have some guesses as to which of you are the nastiest.

The Brands I Love Are On Sale

booze and weed. eros and thanatos.

The chrees are making my allergies flare up.

*eddie lacy voice* i want china car....A LOT OF IT

I've been thinking about it a bit and I have decided I want the ballroom.

i am (secretly) barack obama