Woke culture killed my dog, and I don't think it's fair

The very hungry caterpillar is treatler-coded

The New York (Assisting in the Cover-Up of Sex) Crimes

Epstein emails are written like this

Mufo? Mufo!? You are no mufo sir!

Partially dislocated my shoulder. Jacker's Lament.

You have entered my sphere of influence, chump.

They call me Cashmere Slim.

The homie is exceptionally convenient

Like gravity is a theory

Chinese Maine

Another crisp fall day under the violent and oppressive pedophile regime

Happy "Green Light To Act Day" to all the guys with "kill your local pedophile" shirts

If you're eating stunt/meme foods, you need to take 10 minutes every day and seriously reflect on the nature of your soul.

I am developing Toilet Philosophy, and its more normal than you'd expect.

Never been invented

Cat pissing in the little box.

You are welcome. Have a seat on the pile of rags. Would you like a sip from the dirty puddle?

We will outlive these fucking people. Do your fucking part.

someone's gotta do something about all these quislings

The homie is maneuverable.

It is going to feel so good to... you know...

Today is Décadi the 20th of Brumaire in the year 234. Brumaire is the month of mist. Today we celebrate the harrow.#JacobinDay More information on the harrow

🔪🔜

My kid got a haircut and now he looks like he has opinions about entitlement reform.

I rocked a three hole balaclava for most of my childhood.

The courts will not save us. We must save one another.

Ooooo damn he's getting a lil spiritual with it.

if it's not legal to post "bike nonce" I don't want to live anymore

It's crazy that grapes exist.

*sagely* CBD is poison

I am running a high voltage, high wattage, alternating current through your body.

A snack-based medical system would be nice.

*French dj voice* ah love you ah love to do my laundryyyyyy

100% Sugar Coke. All sugar. No other stuff. Just sugar coke.

I am the best person at my job.

My father loves saying "tush push" but seems to not understand it at all. It's meaning eludes him.

Dude got his ass kicked out of his god damn braces

AI would never make it through a years long bender with the boys and it shows in every fucking thing it does

Stepping from the median and onto the highway like

If you strike me down with your car, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

Whole bunch of leather arrived today. Pray for my hands

Nothing funnier than catching a little tiny fish.

If I was an actor, I would only take roles with my real name so as to more rapidly learn my lines. #Efficiency

with all due respect father, jesus didnt have my enemies

Call me when chotiner slashes a interview subject from pelvis to sternum and eviscerates them. Otherwise I don't care, it's just dumbo shit.

Mike Tirico eating a sub sandwich.