what is even going on here tell me what is even going on

relax this is just so ben shapiro can kiss the flag

The Department of [Losing] War[s]

I love this so much and I am absolutely tearing up about it. The gentleness and plainness of this, the way he just lets her be her (and she seems so damn lovely, who wouldn’t?), the generosity. It isn’t going to solve the world’s problems, but this kind of humanity is a hell of a start.

"And you got David Axelrod and ya know, Rahm fuckin Emanuel. So fuckin smart, Rahm Emanuel."

♫ ♫ doggy in a stroller, I know, I know, it’s seriouuuuus ♫ ♫

I got permission to share this, and I'm extremely grateful for that. The Onion got this letter from one of our subscribers in Alaska. She works with dementia patients and decided to leave a copy in the car for each one. This email made my year. Read it and you'll see what I mean. People are good.

This is incredibly beautiful storytelling.

Apple invented diarrhea?

If you have a job where you wear a shirt with your name on the back (eg pro athlete), you’re a god. But if you have a job where you wear a shirt with your name on the front (eg sandwich artist), you’re a piece of shit. Makes u think.

This is so funny and ex-spouse-y. Trump has all the money in the world, why would he “sell” it? It’s like me taking the time to sell a pair of socks that don’t fit.

groimes you haeve to come get me at Geetmo

today

Big balls showing up at work tomorrow:

the further nascar strayed from "guy who isnt scared of dying + his cousin who builds engines" was a step further towards doom, but inevitable.

More like “BADman”!

Working on a big car project with lots of tasks I’ve never done before. “Lion Rumpus” by @mogwai.scot has been my “victory” track when I succeed at something.

The racist N word lady who's back in the spotlight thanks to Piers Morgan actually got pranked last year so badly by Not Even A Show that she stopped posting for awhile

Christians' bemoaning of "suicidal empathy" is so crazy to me. Like, isn't "suicidal empathy" the exactly model of behavior Jesus displayed?

Wow, what a horrific typo. Right on the cover.

April 28, 2025: Migrants are making SOS signs out of their bodies so drones can see them at our country's concentration camps.

My fertility drops dramatically every time I hear his voice.

*Come Together Voice* He fuck, custom sofa he kill, holy father He get, mocked in Greenland he is, owned on Twitter He was, picked so no one would kill the prez What the fuck is up with the shape of his head? Come together, right now, blame JD

Tired of hearing about brief stints, where are all the long-ass stints at?

BUY AN OLD MUSTANG OR ALFA OR TRIUMPH AND LEARN HOW TO TURN A WRENCH AND DEAL WITH UNASSISTED STEERING AND A MANUAL GEARBOX ON A BACK ROAD AND STOP HATING ON TRANS KIDS AND VENEZUELANS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET A LIFE

Man films and confronts two suspected undercover ICE officers (potentially NYPD) after they racially profiled and handcuffed a random civilian. Keep doing this shit. Make these fuckers famous. Make all police and immigration officers fear having their faces known to the masses.

Dwayne “The Rock Johnson”

TL synchronicity

My side hustle as a photographer for Getty Images specializing in photos of stock traders on the brink of a mental breakdown is finally starting to pay off

Never thought it could happen, but Elon finally managed to do something legitimately funny

Reading the newest print Onion with my 12yo. 20 year old me would approve. Thanks @bencollins.bsky.social

Free speech, my ass

If a man with a “Jr.” at the end of his name marries someone and they take his last name, they also need the “Jr.” at the end. Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s wife should be called “Amy Earnhardt Jr.”

thinking about when siskel and ebert were dicking off and riffing in-between takes and decided to roast the shit out of the protestants

Enhance a TV title by changing a word to "fuck". Bill Nye the Fuck Guy

Stacy's mom's medicare is gone

John Turturro as Jordan Peterson

With Elon Musk having so many kids, plus being a world historic shitty father, there is some chance that when he dies in 20 years or so we’ll have 15 people dividing his estate, meaning 15 new billionaires that all hate Elon Musk.

This took embarrassingly long to make. Please use freely.

I mean, I suppose it’s good news but do we really think that rats are correctly filling out and returning census forms?

MVP

Wow, eggs are really getting expensive now!

If you use a photo sharing site, NCMEC is the reason it’s not full of child porn. This is going to break the fucking internet.

If you are silent about your pain they'll kill you and say you enjoyed it - Zora Neale Hurston

The US anthem was heavily booed before the Raptors game, and the crowd is now singing along with the Canadian anthem.

(cw suicide) i probably think about this image set more than anything else i saw on tumblr a decade ago. That's Dr. Johanna Olson-Kennedy btw.

How long until we get headlines about a "robot-involved shooting"? www.oregonlive.com/crime/2025/0...

It'd be funny if there was a slightly worse actor named Scottie B. Pippen.