Maybe it’s just me, but I was never 100% on board with replacing our entire government with one endlessly self-pitying narcissistic asshole & a squadron of empirically loathsome bootlickers who would gladly burn the entire country down to protect his hide from the consequences of molesting children

i wonder what it’s like to look around every day and see the country being run into the ground by pill-poppers and secret police and anti-vaxxers and book burners and you go into work and sit down at your computer and you’re the guy whose job it is to come up with new oreos flavors

One of the things that's obviously pissing off both Trump and Hegseth is that they're not getting the ‘optics’ that they want from the military. 1/4 (with pictures at the end!)

the thing is it doesn't matter what you do, because what they say you do becomes the reality. it doesn't matter how politely and calmly you voice your disagreement. It will count as terrorism. Their violence is speech, and your speech is violence. There's no such thing as well behaved enough.

I do not like that man Ted Cruz, I do not like his far-right views. I do not like his stupid chin, I do not like his smarmy grin. I do not like him with a beard, I do not like him freshly sheared. I do not like Ted Cruz at all, That man Ted Cruz can suck my balls. - John Oliver

Apart from all the grooming tips, the ‘warfighting’ part of Hegseth's TEDtalk (about "killing people and breaking things" – which, incidentally, is a phrase coined by the late, internationally hearalded, genius military strategist Rush Limbaugh) shows that ... 1/4

October surprise: US government is now a Spirit Halloween.

Seen today re Kegsbreath: General Pattonhimselfontheback, leader of the Saloon Platoon

You can't "Department of Defense" your way into war on US cities. But you can "Department of War" your way into war on Americans.

“generals gathered in their masses to listen to gigantic asses“ headline is sitting right there, which outlet is going to step up

One thing that's often overlooked is how much importance fascism/authoritarianism places on aesthetics. Not only "this is how things should be", but even more importantly "this is how things should 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬"

– "I just want to practice my religion freely." – "That's fine. No problem. You can follow whatever rules your religion requires." ...

Ezra is a white dude with affluent parents who sucked as school yet nevertheless got into both UCLA and USC and tripped dick first into his blog being bought by the Washington Post and now lives in Upper New York City telling democrats what will appeal to red state voters he’s never interacted with.

Their whole point is to smash up functioning government and use the spoils to terrorize everyone, while installing a state based on mafia-style patronage. Don't give them more tools. Don't fund the terror.

We must try ever harder to appeal to the angry people who want us dead.

We need a bigger tent, that’s why we must betray and expel the following types of people:

For decades, they've used the culture wars to distract from the class war that the rich were waging against the non-rich. Now that 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 distraction is beginning to fail, they're going full authoritarian oppression to keep the wealth status quo.

The whole Tylenol thing is pretty in line with the Christian project of regarding pregnancy to be a punishment for having sex if you have a uterus

Wake up, babe. New drag queen name just dropped: ReLisa d’Files

July 1935 German generals were called to a surprise assembly in Berlin and were informed that their previous oath to the Weimar constitution was void and they would be required to swear a personal oath to the Hitler. Most generals took the oath to retain their positions.

I knew what was coming and still laughed my ass off at this:

Take this as encouragement for the upcoming week. Punch some motherfucking nazis.

The problem with being right about something from the beginning is that no one will ever forgive you for it.

I still think it’s backwards that every mass shooter owning an AR-15 is considered a right while their victims’ healthcare is considered a privilege.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck but an influencer calls it a horse a certain part of the population will always try to feed it an apple.

Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.

My cartoon:

In the land of Dunning-Kruger, the aggressively over-confident moron is king.

What if Colbert ended up being our Churchill? What if the South Park Guys end up like two white American Nelson Mandelas? What if AOC ends up being our own personal Margaret Thatcher? What if Zohran becomes Mugabe? What if Eric Adams stepped into his destiny as America’s Nikita Khrushchev???

(lib professor under a lamp in interrogation room) “Now tell me the last 3 Kevin Sorbo movies you watched and why they were good!!”

Look, I'm really sorry, but in my defense, it was a startle reaction Hearing Ezra Klein say that the Democratic leadership needs to "nut up" triggered something But yeah, the screaming and tears probably were a bit much

every single day the internet forces me to witness the dumbest people alive saying things so utterly devoid of logic that a sea otter suffering from a TBI would back away slowly and I just don't think we were meant to have to witness this much pure idiocy at once

Saw someone make the claim that they can't arrest millions of people, and yes they absolutely can.

goddamn this is good

"Resisting what I'm doing to you is an act of terrorism, so I'm going to disappear you and then do it to you even harder where no one can see."

You, an intellectual: “anocracy” refers to hybrid regimes that are neither fully democratic nor fully authoritarian Me, a passable Spanish speaker: it’s rule by assholes

Engraving two bullets with "this bullet only lies" and "this bullet only tells the truth" to really stump the FBI

Just a reminder (’cause nowadays we gotta state this stuff explicitly): Democracy and Capitalism are two entirely different things. You can have a democracy without capitalism, and you can certainly have capitalism without democracy.

If the makers of Tylenol bought enough Trumpcoin, they’d be telling us that it prevents autism.

I'm so sick of uber rich mad men, sadist authoritarians and morally vacant boot lickers.

Autism is a natural divergence from neurotypicality. It's normal & not the tragedy these clowns are making it out to be. Transness is a natural divergence from cisnormativity. It's normal & not the tragedy these clowns are making it out to be. Just deal with people being different than you.

Can't pronounce "acetaminophen" Thinks Armenia and Cambodia are at war Wakes up every morning and paints himself orange Thinks an escalator his team broke is a major national security event Declares himself the king of you and yours

Just a reminder from the 2022 CPAC

Oh no, the escalator and teleprompter weren't working?

It’s like the Kardashians hooked up with the Squid Game, gave birth to a Sopranos reboot and we’re supposed to pretend it’s the West Wing.

Look I'm not the man to do this but if somebody isn't making a supercut of Rapturetok influencers realizing they have to remain on this dogshit planet right now then I don't even know why I have a computer anymore.

US Bluesky nowadays in a nutshell